


Book of Darkness

by RadCatMax



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alcohol, Angst, Background Relationships, Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Developing Relationship, Dissociation, E.N.D Natsu, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Heavy Angst, M/M, Manga: Fairy Tail 100 Years Quest, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past NatsuxErik, Post-Avatar Arc (Fairy Tail), Post-Tartaros Arc (Fairy Tail), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Sex Talk, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Tags May Change, Zeref is a dick, dark natsu, demon Natsu, explicit for horror and language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:35:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 74,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22735717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadCatMax/pseuds/RadCatMax
Summary: Natsu was here, breathing and he even went away to train so he could protect them.Natsu was a member of Fairy Tail.He was family.Zeref wasn’t taking that away from them.But he could hear the voice in his head getting louder and feel the darkness drowning him.Chapter 1 is a authors note. Please read!
Relationships: Cana Alberona & Natsu Dragneel, Cana Alberona/Lucy Heartfilia, Cobra | Erik/Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster & Juvia Lockser, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Natsu Dragneel & Lucy Heartfilia, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster
Comments: 37
Kudos: 129





	1. Note from the Author

Hey guys, so here's just a little rundown I recommend you read before jumping in ;)

**What to expect;**

  * **Trigger Warnings//** I have tagged whats appropriate and I will put warnings at the beginning of the chapter. Tags may change but it would be a matter of redacting stuff no adding, most likely. There will be descriptions of body gore, violence and self-harm and a suicide attempt. While I will place trigger warnings in places, I will not do this for every minor thing. Writing horror is kinda par for the course with me if you've read any of my other fics. As harsh as it sounds I am not responsible for your feelings. I've seen so many people get super nitpicky over 'trigger warnings' and its just downright stupid after a point. I respect what I can but its in the tags, and if necessary it'll be marked in the author's notes of the relevant chapters.
  * **This is Explicit for alcohol mention, sex talk, blood, violence and gore. If you are a child or triggered by any of this. Do not read this fic.**
  * I'm not a romantic writer, ships will be a subplot I guess to break away from the angst, but there will be a lot of moments where I'm certain most other writers would have included a romantic-esc scene. Not me I'm afraid. **Romance isn't the plot**. If you want to read romance, then this fic ain't it. I don't even know if I'll even have an endgame yet or what my endgame will be in regards to Natsu. Also I don't write sex scenes, just imply and dot some sex jokes in there but that's it. 
  * The NatsuxErik is part of the 1-year skip section which happened before the conflict section (Flames). I know the tags probably make it look like there's a poly relationship going on. There isn't. Sorry if that disappoints you. 
  * Since this is more of a relaxed thing and I have other projects and well as personal life stuff I don't actually have a schedule for uploads sorry. But, I hope you all enjoy what there is. 
  * This was a story that I had that ran from 2013 to 2016 which has since been removed from fanfic dot net. With a spout of motivation and inspiration, I've decided to revisit it although a lot has changed since the original. The original was a little all over the place and the ending was rushed because I didn't like leaving an open-end but also didn't know _how_ to end it and I'd written myself into a corner.  
Originally it was written around the time it was confirmed about Natsu's relationship with Zeref so it's gone in its own direction away from the canon, even with this version that will be the case. As much as I loved the series, I also had a few gripes about it, one was the lack of depth given to Natsu's character, there were a few close calls, but I felt Mashima would retract it as though he was afraid of putting Natsu in that light. So you'll find that Natsu isn't like the canon but I've tried my best to still make him the Natsu we all love and know. This is just for fun and always was for fun. So if you don't like the ships or something simply don't read it. No hate please, aside from how much I didn't like it, the toxic fanbase what the ultimate reason why I deleted the original version off fanfic. 



**Arcs;**

1) **Conflict** (chapters 2-9)  
Post-Tartarus/Pre-Alverez arcs just after the 1-year skip when the group get back to the guild. Some secrets are revealed about Natsu and the group try to find the Master before the impending war begins. 

2) **Flames** (chapter 10-15)  
Natsu's adventures with Crime Sorcerie guild in his year away from the guild, namely Erik, Jellal and Meredy as they venture into the Pergrande Kingdom in search for answers on Zeref and how to save Natsu.

3) **Drowning** (Chapters 16-?)   
With Crime Sorceire in search for answers, they decide to go back to the start, Natsu's birthplace. But the closer they get, the louder E.N.D is and Natsu feels like he slowly drowning in the darkness. 

4) **Hereafter** (Chapters ?)  
Things are peaceful after the war, but the scars don't fade and the voice is still there and Natsu thinks there's something hauntingly familiar about the new girl Touka. 

Enjoy :)

~Max 


	2. Conflict 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu had fallen off the face of the world after the Tartarus debacle, supposedly Happy had gone with him.  
> But a month into their adventure Natsu and Happy had found the exceed village and he had wanted to stay. Natsu had let him thinking, without any disrespect, that Happy wouldn’t have had much do to anyway.  
> Nine or so months later Natsu had returned and they’d gone off to meet with Lucy.  
> Natsu knew about the guild but had decided not to tell the exceed and played dumb when Lucy told them. He felt guilty that he’d left her with that knowledge, but in his defence, he thought Cana or even Erza would have stayed with her.

It'd been a month since the Avatar deal and the group had found their way back in Magnolia 3 weeks ago, but those very 3 weeks had been a mess.  
They came to Magnolia to gather up all the Intel they knew thus far.  
E.N.D was Zeref’s strongest demon.  
Right?  
He was also a fire demon.  
Right.  
He was regarded as the King of the underworld.  
Wrong. Apparently. That was according to Natsu.

Natsu had fallen off the face of the world after the Tartarus debacle, supposedly Happy had gone with him.  
But a month into their adventure Natsu and Happy had found the exceed village and he had wanted to stay. Natsu had let him thinking, without any disrespect, that Happy wouldn’t have had much do to anyway.  
Nine or so months later Natsu had returned and they’d gone off to meet with Lucy.  
Natsu knew about the guild but had decided not to tell the exceed and played dumb when Lucy told them. He felt guilty that he’d left her with that knowledge, but in his defence, he thought Cana or even Erza would have stayed with her.  
He also wasn’t the only one who’d left so Natsu was a little annoyed that Lucy has solely blamed him as if he was her babysitter or only friend.  
The dragon slayer also appeared to have become only a little bitter and less playful in his absence away. He was aware of this, but he also had is reasons.  
“What do you mean E.N.D isn’t the King of demons or that he’s not strong? How would you _even_ know that?” Asked Gray.  
“I, uh. Just do?” Natsu shrugged as the ice mage eyed him cautiously. They’d all noted that Natsu didn’t seem himself since his return, he also hadn’t mentioned where he’d even been, not even to Happy.  
“The hell did you do now?” Erza sighed.  
“What makes you think I did anything!?” His voice cracked in defence.  
“Natsu that isn’t something you _just know_ , okay. So where the hell have you been?”  
Natsu shuffled uncomfortably under the redheads gaze. He remained silent, however.  
“Idiot what did you do?” Gray stepped in.  
“I found where Zeref was so I went to talk to him. Heh. He’s in a really open place, I’m kinda surprised that there’s been cults to revive him ‘n stuff and-”  
“You what!” Lucy and Happy had cut him off.  
“Dumbass the hell!” Gray had hit him around the head. “Why would you do that on your own?!”  
“I mean didn’t you join some weird Zeref worshipping guild on your own?” He said.  
“Erza knew where I was at least. It’s not like I just sauntered on in there idiot!” Gray protested.   
Erza squeezed Gray’s shoulder to calm him down. “So you just… talked? And he let you go? More importantly, where is he?” She sounded calm but as dense as Natsu could be, even he could see she was pissed with him.  
“Yeah? He’s in Alverez. He’s like the Emperor or something.” He shrugged like he hadn’t just dropped the biggest bombshell on them. The group looked at him dumbfounded. He may have been acting off these last few weeks and they were all clearly pissed that he had only just told them all this, but this also sounded like a very Natsu thing to do, which in its weird own way reassured them. No one had spoken to him about Igneel and even Happy had said that Natsu had never addressed it, as if had never happened. So they’d all been worried. They still were a little.  
“I think we would have noticed if Zeref was an Emperor, especially with a country that’s constantly at war with ours.” Juvia mumbled.  
“He’s called Emperor Spriggan… I think. So no would we wouldn’t have.” Natsu quickly retorted.  
“Why are you only _now_ telling us this? This seems like a big fucking deal Natsu!” Said Gray.  
Again Natsu went silent.  
“Natsu whatever it is you can tell us you know.” Erza calmed herself, she was angry that he had gone and done what he did, but she could see it in his eyes. The fear.  
He was scared and it seemed he was scared of them.  
“Zeref didn’t tell me much about E.N.D. He didn’t need to.” His voice had grown quiet with each word.  
Gray could see it now and felt stupid. That off thing about Natsu that none of them could place.  
It was fear.  
An emotion Gray had never seen in him before. He hated it.  
“What did he say?” Gray’s voice was soft.  
“He said I was E.N.D.”  
Silence.  
“W-what?” Carla’s voice was barely a whisper as she and the others tried to process the words that had just come out of his mouth.  
“Natsu don’t fuck around this-”  
“Why the fuck would I lie about that!” Natsu shouted back at Gray with tears that threatened to fall down his face.  
Erza, ever the realist pursued on, however, “What else did his say?”  
Natsu sighed and looked at his feet, “He said that he’s my older brother. That I died and he brought me back.” Blunt and to the point was still his way regardless of the situation. Natsu knew it was pointless to sugar-coat it.  
He was a demon and Zeref’s undead brother. That’s all there was to it. At no point had he been the Tartarus guild master. Never caused chaos (beyond being in Fairy Tail of course) and had never actually done anything to prove he was the strongest. They were just speculation based on every other demon in history, Zeref’s or not.  
He was just Natsu Dragneel, a Fire Dragon Slayer of Fairy Tail. That’s what Erza reminded him. The others did too. Even Gray who had promised his dad he’d kill the demon. Gray, who now had demon slayer magic was the one he had mostly been afraid off. He still was.

When they’d initially entered the guild (which had been rebuilt by the townspeople yet again) Lucy had found a strange book left a table in the library. At first, she’d assumed it was a normal book that had simply been destroyed in the previous attack and that maybe one of the townsfolk had read it while they rebuilt. But upon closer inspection, she had found that that wasn’t the case.  
After Natsu’s revelation, Lucy decided to distract herself and go back to the book. It appeared the others wanted a distraction too and had joined her in the library.  
There was a moment where it was like old times like nothing had changed, which made her smile. Natsu and Gray easily distracted themselves and started fighting, Erza intervened and Juvia watched Gray intently. Meanwhile, Carla ignored Happy while she and Wendy attempted to be useful. Yeah, old times.  
But the moment was ruined when Lucy figured out the encryption on the book. On the page that would be blank in most books, there was what appeared to be a letter.

_Natsu,_

_When you joined the guild I told you about what Mavis believed, ‘Do fairies have tails? Do they even exist? Nobody knows for sure. So this guild is like them, an eternal mystery. An eternal adventure’.  
I wanted you to find a family in the guild, being abandoned isn’t easy. I could see it was difficult at first, but you saw it eventually. That family. Of course, there is something I know, something about you that may change this. You brats have all grown so much.  
I wish for you all to remember what a family is. It’s not blood. I’ve seen for myself that our blood ties don’t define who we are. You’ve shown me that, Natsu. Family is a bond, one that never goes away. You can never forget that. None of you can ever forget that.  
I never wanted this day to come, but the moment I decided to disband the guild I knew it’d come round eventually, that you would be stood here now reading this. That taking you in carried more responsibility than simply taking in an orphaned child. When you read the contents of this, remember Fairy Tail._

_Remember your family._

_Makarov_

Everything Natsu had told them was written in that book and then some, which scared him. However, it had been encrypted and she’d spent the last few weeks deciphering it. It wasn’t after Natsu had told them all he knew at least the basics, he didn’t feel the rest was important, but there was a chance it would be mentioned in that book, and he wasn’t ready for that.  
But now there was a new elephant in the room.  
All this time the old man knew.  
And a confirmation that Zeref Dragneel was a reality they had to face.  
Natsu left without a word.  
“O-oi! Natsu! Where are you going?!” Gray ran out after him.  
“So this is real. This is really happening?” Said Lucy.  
“We’ll manage. We always do.” Erza smiled at the blonde, it was a big statement to make, but it was one she believed in. It would be okay Erza assured herself. He’ll be okay.

The note had startled Natsu, he had still been reeling from everything Zeref had told him. But there was more. So much more he hadn’t said. In the grand scheme of things what he had left out was just idle details, they didn’t need to know and he didn’t want them to know.  
He could hear Gray call out but it sounded like he was underwater the more his legs pushed forward. His head had started to hurt.  
_Not like this. They can’t know. No. No. Nononono._ His mind rushed like a waterfall and it wouldn’t stop, it just kept going and going, Natsu didn’t even realise he was in the centre of town until he’d bumped into someone who grumbled that he should look where he was going.  
Suddenly, Natsu was in the middle of a crowd of people, it was market day and a peak time for everyone to be out. He felt his chest tighten as each exit became closed off by flusters of people as they smiled and laughed, ignorant to the boy who was in the middle of an existential crisis.  
“Natsu?” A warm hand had grabbed his arm tight and pulled him out of the crowd. It was Gray. He’d pulled him into a side alley, away from the loud noises and endless eyes that pried for town gossip.  
He kept a tight grip on Natsu’s arm while they walked further away and the pink-haired boy aimlessly followed behind. Gray simply looked ahead as he tried to find a good space for them, but before he knew it his feet had taken him back to his apartment. It was probably a good idea since he could hear Natsu’s ragged breathing, which wasn’t helped by being dragged across town.

Gray practically kicked his door open and pulled the dishevelled boy inside and sat him down on the sofa. He crouched down in front of him and tried to get his attention, with much effort Natsu lifted his head and showed fresh tears.  
He managed to let out a small mutter, ‘Don’t kill me.’ He had said between shallow breaths.  
Gray gently placed a hand on his cheek, he wanted to hug him but thought that hugging someone who was having a panic attack probably wasn’t a smart idea.  
“Natsu I’m not going to kill you. If I do it’s because you did something dumb like always and I’m sure Erza would kill us both anyway.”  
Natsu let out a little laugh. It wasn’t much but it was enough to know Gray had gone in the right direction.  
Gray couldn’t accept this so easily, but he couldn’t ignore his promise to his father which was to destroy E.N.D. Natsu could be a monster at times, yet was no demon and he was certainly not even close to being like Zeref. Gray sighed, he was frustrated, angry, but not at Natsu. He couldn’t kill family.  
“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Gray smiled, he felt like it was a wimpy thing to say, but he really didn’t know what else to say. Would it be okay? He didn’t even know. But, he saw Natsu rub his red eyes and looked assured at him.  
“Sorry for not telling you guys.” His voice cracked. “I was scared you’d kill me.”  
Gray wanted to punch him for even having thought that, but given the lengths, Gray had recently gone to just to find out about a demon he wanted to kill. A demon that was Natsu, he could understand where the thought had come from.

After a few moments Natsu began to sway as he tried to fight the sleep in his eyes, Gray swiftly sat next to him and told him to sleep. Clearly hyperventilating had taken it out of him.   
Gray could feel Natsu’s heat. He’d had begun to sweat and had gotten seriously pale, he gently placed his cold hand on his forehead and the boy began to settle if only for a moment. The fever had likely developed from exhaustion which made Gray question if Natsu had actually been like this the whole time he’d been back.

Was Fairy Tail a guild of light? Or is the concept of light and dark not quite as simple as what we’ve always been taught? Lucy thoughts trailed as she stared down at the tattered book, none of them had the courage to open it. It was clearly about Natsu and without him present, it didn’t feel right to read it. Although it was clear he’d left things unsaid, it was also clear that he’d told them everything important.  
“We should get the rest of the guild back together.” Said Wendy.  
“But-” Lucy went to speak but was cut off by Juvia.  
“That sounds like a good start. Maybe it’ll cheer Natsu up.” She smiled. “I think it would be nice to see everyone again.”

Erza had also gone after Natsu, when she saw him in the middle of the crowd, eyes wide and shaking, she found that she’d hesitated. She didn’t know what to do, Natsu had never been like this. No one in the guild had been like this, at least that she knew of. Before she knew it, it was Gray that had reached out and pulled him away.  
Erza sighed with relief, but also felt ashamed of herself for not helping her friend. A friend who risked his life to save her when she’d been selfish and stupid.  
She’d seen them go down an alleyway that lead to the road next over and had hurried after them before she lost where they’d gone. Although it wasn’t far before shed seen Gray unlock his front door and pull Natsu, who looked completely out of it, inside.

She eventually walked inside and joined the two, only to find Natsu’s head on Gray’s lap fast asleep while Gray gently stroked his hair. To a normal person, they would have felt like they’d walked in an intimate moment and would probably leave before being noticed. But, this was Erza and she never picked up on social queues well and thus walked in oblivious to the way Gray slightly jumped and moved his hand away from Natsu’s head with a look of embarrassment. No, she hadn’t picked up on that at all.  
“He doesn’t look so good.” Erza had made herself comfortable on the opposing chair.  
Gray frowned and looked down at him, Natsu looked so small at that moment and he really didn’t like it.  
“Before I left to go visit my hometown, I went to see him.” Gray cleared his throat when he noted Erza was watching him with the air of seriousness she normally had. “To make sure he was alright y’know? Ever since he’d joined the guild his goal was to find Igneel. And then it was over, just like that. What’s more, is that dragon king bastard finished him for good. Igneel didn’t get to go peacefully like the others and Natsu didn’t get that goodbye like the rest. Even Sting and Rogue who shouldn’t have really been there got that.” He took a deep breath to relieve the frustration that had built up, “I spoke to him. As I expected, the idiot tried to play off the strong and dumb act. I guess from fighting him all the time I’ve gotten to know him pretty well and I definitely know when he’s lying.” They both smiled a little as they thought about some of the dumb fights they’d had and how Erza would break them up or beat up both of them.  
“I didn’t get far as I’m sure you can guess. I mean it _is_ Natsu after all and I don’t think any of us are really that good with acting vulnerable without starting a fight first.” He joked. “He told me about something that happened on Tenrou island.”  
“The S-Class exam?” Asked Erza who now realised how long ago that was, even for their non-7-year skip timeline.  
“Yeah. He said that he met Zeref before the signal was given, he was with Elfman, Evergreen and Happy.”  
“Huh?” Why hadn’t she heard about this? She thought. Zeref was on their guilds holy ground. Did that Master know?  
“He said that Zeref saw him and cried followed by saying how he’d grown.” He stopped trying to make sense of things in his head. It sounded strange when Natsu told him, more so now he was saying those words himself.  
“Why hasn’t this been mentioned before?” How was this overlooked? How many secrets did Natsu have? She felt angry, but more with herself. Like Gray had said, none of them were good with vulnerability. She hated that Natsu felt he had to hide all of this from them out of fear. But if others were with him, why had none of them mentioned it, especially Evergreen, she was the sort that would always be the first to report things out of place.  
“Zeref also used his magic. But Natsu’s scarf seemed to absorb the magic, turning it black and later Wendy fixed that.” He continued. “But before you get mad about him not saying anything, it’s because he wasn’t even sure if it had happened.”  
“What do you mean? I know he can be an idiot sometimes, but I’m sure him remembering something like that would mean it probably happened.”  
“Well. He thanked Wendy for turning his scarf back and she had no idea what he was talking about. He asked the others about it and they had no clue either. That’s why he never mentioned it. So, Natsu being Natsu decided to ignore it.”  
“Maybe it was a memory spell or something.” Erza pondered to herself.  
“I guess. Seems kinda odd though. But Zeref apparently hadn’t expected us there either so he probably made them forget.” Gray Shrugged.  
“But Ultear and Meredy remember seeing him still.”  
“Maybe letting slip he knew Natsu’s name was a big deal though, but clearly something he wanted the idiot to still remember at least.” Said Gray.

They sat in silence for a moment, the only sound was Natsu’s ragged breathing and the distant sounds of the market. Gray gently lifted Natsu’s head up and replaced his lap with a pillow and grabbed a blanket before he’d gone into the kitchen and made two cups of tea as it had become clear they would be here a while.  
While he waited for the water to boil Gray continued, “He said that he’d completely forgotten about it after a while, but then when he was on his own in Tartaros, just before he met with Lucy and Happy, he said it was like time had stopped and Zeref was there. Zeref told him that Igneel couldn’t defeat E.N.D and that only he or E.N.D would be able to stop Zeref and he left just as swiftly as he appeared. Natsu said that he never dwelled on it because of everything going on, but then Zeref showed up again his last words were, ’if you somehow manage to make it through this desperate situation, then I shall give you more despair…’” Gray stopped. Those words echoed in his head and sent a shiver down his spine.  
“Do you think his etherious form is just like dragon force or a different personality altogether?” Of course, Erza had thought about that, but Gray hadn’t and now that he had he wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. He’d seen Natsu use Dragon force and after Tartarus, it seemed that he could use it with ease, as could Wendy. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not though.  
“I don’t think I want to know.” He said.  
The kettle was ready and Gray had quickly distracted himself with the cups in front of him, unfortunately, the art of making tea never took long and before he knew it, he’d set the cups on the small table and sat the other chair in between the sofa and Erza. His mind swiftly moved back to reality.  
“The R-system, the Eclipse project, they were for him, weren’t they?” He asked.  
Erza cringed at the thought of the Tower of Heaven and only hoped it wasn’t a thought that had crossed Natsu’s mind. She had been pulled into hell for something that was for him, if he had thought about it, Natsu would have blamed himself over something that was out of his control.  
“Yeah.” She replied softly.   
This made Gray angry, Zeref had conjured up these demons which was stated as beings he wanted to end his life. He’d then resorted this method to revive his own brother.  
They didn’t really know what to think of it. Trying to place this together was painful, they couldn’t accept that Natsu had in fact died and was no longer human. Natsu was here, breathing and he even went away to train so he could protect them.  
Natsu was a member of Fairy Tail. He was family. Zeref wasn’t taking that away from them.


	3. Conflict 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray and Natsu sort of just floated around the group, they had tried to help where they could, but Natsu and focus just weren’t two things that went together and he’d go out of his way to pick a fight with Gray. This was still normal, and Gray thought it was much more fun than reading and writing so he could really complain. Although Erza had kicked the hell out of them once or twice, the pair had found themselves laughing about it later. Natsu was laughing. Gray had forgotten how much he’d missed his laugh and smile in the last year.

It had been a week since the group had the bombshell dropped on them by Natsu and had tried to get in touch with as many members as they could, some were easy, while others were out of reach or they had literally no idea where they were.  
Natsu had tried to perk himself up and for the most part, he genuinely did seem like himself. But Gray knew him better than that and could see the hollowness in those green eyes, but he could see he was trying so had said nothing on the matter. However, he had made it clear to him that he would be there to listen when he was ready to open up.  
Even after his panic attack a week ago Natsu had simply shaken it off, thanked Gray and swiftly moved on. Of course past experiences with him made Gray keep a subtle eye in him.

They hadn’t intentionally kept it from the rest of the group, but Gray and Erza had decided not to mention it because they knew Natsu wouldn’t want anyone to worry. As long as someone knew Natsu clearly wasn’t okay then that would be enough. For now at least.  
They also understood that if they pushed it too far, they’d only end up pushing Natsu away and probably start an argument. They understood because they were the same. The trio knew each other too well at times. Sometimes that was good, other times it had started fights.  
Over the last few years though, it seemed to Erza that Natsu and Gray had gotten much closer, so she decided that she’d let Gray take the lead on this one, although she would still keep an eye on the dragon slayer.  
Gray would let Natsu come to him when he felt ready to, but would also keep an eye in case he remains to be stupid and keep his feelings bottled up.  
On the other side of the group, they had no idea how bad Natsu really was but also knew not to push it and trust Erza and Gray to handle it unless otherwise. They figured it would be better to just be their normal selves and that maybe the normality would set things back in place.

Erza and Juvia spent most of the time at the guild searching through books and past records of the guild. While Lucy, Wendy and Carla decided to do some research about Alverez. Meanwhile Happy just decided to be Happy which at the base sounded like he wasn’t any help at all, but he knew when to be a good distraction to the group, especially Natsu. Happy could always tell when his mind would start to wander to dark places and he had always been able to pull him back. Or so he thought.

Gray and Natsu sort of just floated around the group, they had tried to help where they could, but Natsu and focus just weren’t two things that went together and he’d go out of his way to pick a fight with Gray. This was still normal, and Gray thought it was much more fun than reading and writing so he could really complain. Although Erza had kicked the hell out of them once or twice, the pair had found themselves laughing about it later. Natsu was laughing. Gray had forgotten how much he’d missed his laugh and smile in the last year.  
Juvia had been nice company, but she was also too clingy at times, although he had gotten into an argument with her about it when she had gotten worried about him disappearing all the time. He had felt guilty about not telling her about Avatar and he fully understood her worry. But, it was also a matter that needed to be addressed and as harsh as it was, that argument was the best time to bring it up. She had still worried, but also backed off after that. He did apologise later to her however and the two have remained close friends. But Gray can see that she still likes him in a way he doesn’t, he would need to talk to her properly at some point. Juvia was pretty and when she wasn't acting weird and creepy she was a genuinely nice person who just needed to work on her social skills a little better, but she wasn’t Natsu. That was something Gray had realised in his year away. Honestly, he had considered a relationship with Juvia at one point, especially after his talk with Erza during the magic games. But, it all felt forced and no matter how much he looked at her, he just simply saw her as a friend. It was when he saw Natsu show up in Avatars guild that he realised Natsu had given him something that Juvia never could. A feeling he couldn’t put into words.  
But unfortunately Gray had to put those feelings on hold. Not only that but him and pretty much everyone who knew them figured there was something more than friendship between Natsu and Lucy.  
So those feelings had to be put on hold, permanently. Because Gray wasn’t a dick and Lucy and Natsu were his best friends.  
That still didn’t mean he’d date Juvia, he didn’t want to do that to her. Not unless his feelings towards her _did_ change at any point. Although at that moment, thoughts of relationships had to be put on the backburner. There was a chance of war to deal with first.

Erza wasn’t satisfied with the Master’s letter as well as his state of absence. She had eventually visited Porlyusica and asked if she knew where he could be. Unfortunately, she’d stated what she could, which was that she could never tell what was going on in the ‘old fools’ mind, and didn’t know anything that would help them progress in their search. Wendy and Carla had gone with her but had decided to stay after the old woman agreed to teach Wendy about medicinal herbs. The young girl thought it was time to learn a backup if her magic ever failed her.

Erza had decided to take a scenic route through to woods back towards the town, on her way she saw a certain black-haired boy sat near the lake.  
Gray had spent a lot of his time trying to adapt to this situation. He thought he had it handled, but then he had started to think about his dad. He had made a promise. Yet killing Natsu wasn’t an option. What’s more, is E.N.D is supposed to be this destructive evil demon of a Book of Zeref. Not the pink-haired pyro.  
“Glad to see you and Natsu aren’t fighting.” Erza’s soft voice had broken his thoughts.  
“E-Erza?!” he jumped at her sudden presence.  
She laughed a little.  
“I know what you’ve been thinking. I know you can’t give up on your promise. Even Natsu would tell you that.” As she said that Gray even imagined those words in Natsu’s voice, even making him smile a little.  
“Heh. Yeah, he probably would.” Gray had imagined Natsu saying ‘fight me’ with a grin on his face.   
“We’ve been through a lot together.” She continued on. “Shared so many memories. We’ve laughed and cried. We’ve fought and soared together. This isn’t going to disappear now, it can’t. We’re family and always will be. That’s the Fairy Tail way.” She had sat down next to him in front of the small red-lit lack, looking at the distant that peered through the endless trees sunset. 

They sat in a calmed silence for a while with only the wildlife to break it.  
“Erza I don’t know what to do.” Gray eventually said. “I promised my dad. E.N.D is supposed to be evil, he’s supposed to be Zeref’s strongest demon and nothing else. Even without the promise, I had this image in my head. Not Nat-” His voice had broken off. He couldn’t even carry on as tears begun to stream down his face. He curled up, burying his face into his knees. “Why. Why did this have to happen? We’ve grown up with him and we’ve always had each other’s backs…” He looked up. “Why?”  
Erza looked at him with a frown as she placed a hand on his shoulder.  
“And we still will. Natsu has saved us more times than I can think of and he’s always tried to see the best in people. I want to do the same for him. He’s scared and confused. I wanted to be mad at him for not telling us. But.” She sighed. “But when I saw his face as he told us everything, I didn’t see the Natsu I’ve known for so long. I saw the timid, scared boy who walked into the guild with the master all those years ago.” She looked at her reflection in the water, a sad red-head looked back. “I wanted to help him then, but he’d already put up this front that he didn’t care, that he was okay. I also felt like I would have been a hypocrite to call him out. It’d gotten to the point when I genuinely believed he was okay.” She looked back up at turned to Gray who looked back at her with slightly red eyes. She smiled. “But, I want to tell him that it’s our turn to protect him. To save him. We’re going to help him this time.”  
Gray wiped away his tears, he felt pathetic for crying in the first place and looked down at his feet with a small smile.  
“Yeah.” His voice was barely a whisper, but Erza had heard him and stood up. However, Gray continued. “I guess you’re right, but I will destroy that book. It’s not him. It’s Zeref. Any ‘bond’ that Zeref thinks he has with Natsu. Any chains or history. I’m going to destroy it. Because that’s not Natsu. But…but I’m worried that it will affect Natsu in some way. I don’t know if it’ll make matters worse, but it may also take it all away. Destroying it may mean Natsu will never have to face that pain. But it might also kill him and that scares me Erza.” He jumped up with a determined look. “But you’re right. We’re going to help him no matter what.” He said.  
Gray shook off the uncertainty and fear. He was always so cool-headed and he knew that the pyro would never let go that he’d cried because of him.  
“Right now he needs us to look after him. He’s always been strong, but right now he isn’t. Which is okay, because we’re still here with him. I don’t mind doing that since I know he’ll come back strong again. It’s Natsu after all, he’s always been optimistic. I’ve always envied that about him.” He looked at Erza and smiled.  
They both knew it was going to be a long and hard road ahead getting Natsu back on track. Eventually having to face destroying Zeref and ending this war once and for all.

Natsu jumped up in a panic, startling Porlyusica, Wendy and Carla. It appeared Happy was in too deep of a sleep that he remained curled up as he purred away. Natsu felt a weight on his head as he looked around the room. It appeared to be Porlyusica’s house.  
Wait. What?  
When did he get here? Natsu didn’t remember coming here. Last he checked he was at the guild with Lucy, Happy and Juvia. He remembered Wendy and Carla and Erza had said they were coming here and Gray? Well, he had no idea where the broody ice mage had gone.  
“W-what?” He felt hazy. Why was he here? When did he fall asleep?  
“Natsu you’re at Porlyusica’s house, you’re sick. Don’t you remember anything?” He looked at Wendy, who looked back at him with worry. Something felt off, but he couldn’t place what it was.  
“O-oh, yeah. Sorry.” He looked down to see Happy who remained asleep on his lap. “Why are you apologising?” Said Carla in her ‘you’re an idiot’ sort of way, which amused him a little, but not enough to ease the anxiety that lingered at the back of his mind.  
“Nevermind” his head had started to hurt again. Something was wrong. So, so wrong. Why?  
Porlyusica walked over and gave him some medicine and Wendy had begun to use her magic, but the old woman stopped her.  
“You don’t need to do that, the medicine should be enough. You’re tired and need to rest.” She looked over at Natsu, who felt so confused, “It seems that despite being a fire dragon slayer even you can still get a fever.”  
Fever? What?  
Wendy had said he was sick, but aside from a headache, he felt okay. He didn’t feel like he had a fever. When did he get sick?  
Natsu dismayed at the mention of the _fire dragon_. That wasn’t what he was, she knows that so why doesn’t she just call him a demon. That’s what he was wasn’t he, a demon, that itself was a sin, but Zeref’s brother, well, and that was a whole other tale.  
 _But you act like a demon.  
_“I want you two to go to the others and help them if you won’t insist on getting some sleep. Provided you do sleep at some point.” The two lingered for a moment, “Now go!” Porlyusica had readied her broom and threw them out. The old hag hadn’t changed. Wendy and Carla soon left before being hit by a broom that proved that Porlyusica was a Fairy Tail member after all.  
“Why did you say that?” Natsu asked.  
She ignored his question almost as if she hadn’t heard him.  
“Get some rest, you’ll need it.” She said as she placed the broom by the door.

Natsu looked down at Happy again. He could tell from looking at him he hadn’t slept much. Natsu knew since when Happy was little, he would sometimes get nightmares. The blue exceed wouldn’t sleep until Natsu was able to find a way to reassure him that he’d beat the crap out of any monsters that tried to hurt him.  
 _But now you’re the monster.  
_“I know what you’re thinking. I can’t tell you anything you haven’t already read in that book. I don’t know where the fool is and I didn’t always know. Makarov told me shortly after you left. I always knew there was something since I found it odd that your first memory was finding Igneel in some woods. But, I trusted the old fool’s judgment and never pried further.” She went to check his temperature again. He was still confused by that, but maybe he was delirious. He had hallucinated another voice just now.  
“Okay,” Natsu whimpered. He cringed at his raspy voice.  
“You always did act a little demonic.” She said coldly.  
Natsu had snapped his head up at that, he looked at her and she seemed… off. He couldn’t place it. The room felt cold and dark. It was all wrong.  
“Huh?”   
She hummed, but it sounded nothing like her. It was so sinister. Sure the old hag had a temper and could be anti-social. But she still had a kindness to her.  
“Dead boys tell no tales Natsu.” She whispered. “So why are you talking?” Her head snapped to him so quickly he swore he heard it crack. When he eyed her neck, it looked wrong, like it was twisted too far. Her voice wasn’t Porlyusica’s anymore. It sounded male, deeper, darker. Colder.  
Twisted.  
“Natsu, wake up.”  
A voice shot through him like a slap in the face and with a swift motion, he was in the guild and had an unamused Lucy stood in front of him.  
“Huh?” He had answered sheepishly as he lifted his head off the bar table.  
“What happened to helping?” She crossed her arms as she stared down at him.  
Natsu looked at her blankly for a moment before he gave a wide grin.  
“Luce you knew that wasn’t going to happen. It’s so boooring.” He stretched and caught her amused look. Good. He thought. It was just a dream. Even better was he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary. He wouldn’t dwell on it and he didn’t want any of them to worry. He knew they _were_ worried. But, they’d backed off from it the last few days and had focused on normality. It was better that way. How it should be.  
“Aye.” Happy agreed with him with a smile.  
Yeah. Better. He thought.

Gray and Erza made their way back to the guild, having stopped by the market first and picked up some food on the way.  
It had dawned on Gray what a terrible friend he was. The fact that he even had a conflict between Natsu and his father’s promise made him feel pathetic. Natsu was family. He wanted to keep his father’s promise, but Gray had a limit and he wanted to show his father he’d grown to be his own person with his own morals. He had to show his father that Natsu is family no matter what and he was going to have to break his promise. Natsu was the promise keeper anyway. The pyro was the one who had willingly stood against Deliora and he knew that, had the demon not fallen apart due to Ul’s magic, then Natsu would have fought till the end regardless. Gray owed him for that. He owed him for a lot of things really.  
Natsu had told Gray what Rogue from the future told him about Frosch. Gray had been annoyed that Natsu didn’t trust him, but once he explained it, it suddenly made sense why Natsu jumped to the conclusion that he was possessed and wasn’t acting. Gray knew Natsu can be stupid but he also knows that Natsu understood more than he lets on. Although, it had worried him, about the other timeline. What had happened there? That Lucy had died, but before she did apparently his Lucy said it went unspoken but it was obvious most, if not all of the guild were dead. Gray had thought about it a lot. The Lucy timeline and the Rogue one. He knew nothing about Rogue’s other than that he had killed Frosch for some reason around the same date he was with Avatar and then Rogue killed and took Sting’s power.  
Out of the three timelines, so far it sounded like they were on the best route.  
But Gray thought a lot about the other two because he wondered if they had just replaced one bad event for an even worse one?  
What was worse than getting killed by dragons?  
What had happened to him that he killed a friend?  
Natsu. Where was Natsu in these instances?

As they reached the guild's entrance he could see a familiar blue-haired girl and a whited haired one who had small cat ears that poked out from her hair.  
Wendy turned around with a tired smile.  
“Erza, Gray, I thought you would have been at the guild?” She asked as she walked towards them.  
“We were taking a break. Aren’t you helping Porlyusica?” Erza responded.  
“I was, but well.” She laughed sheepishly.  
“You broke something?” Gray said with a smirk.  
“I broke something.” Repeated Wendy.  
“Still didn’t need to hit us with a broom,” Carla grumbled as she turned and headed off into the guild.

As they entered they were met with an unexpected sibling trio.  
“Mira? Elfman? Lisanna?!” Wendy chirped.  
“Hey, guys.” Lisanna gave a small wave before she returned to lecturing Natsu and Happy about something. Natsu looked sheepish as if he’d just woken up. Gray looked at Lucy who was sat opposite them with a slight smile on her face as she watched the white-haired mage ramble on about sleeping in the guild. He had assumed correctly it seemed. Gray sighed. Some things would never change.  
“Gray-Sama I baked you some cakes.” Juvia had appeared out of nowhere, which scared the living hell out of him. He should have been used to it really.  
“There for everyone Juvia.” Mira smiled. “Even if they do kind of look like Gray.”   
Yeah. Somethings wouldn’t change.  
Somewhere in that time, Natsu had gotten up and took one of the cakes.  
“They’re really good Juvia.” He spoke with his mouth full which got a smack around the head from Erza.  
“D-don’t eat me, that’s weird dude.” Gray only slightly stammered but he had heard Juvia let out a small giggle. Yeah, she knew about that. Now he realised she’d not done that cakes like that out of habit. But on purpose.  
Natsu looked like he was going to say something to that, but had changed his mind and carried on eating the second cake before Erza took the tray away. Gray couldn’t help but be curious as to what he was going to say, especially as he noted that the dragon slayers cheeks had got a pink ting to them. It was subtle, but if one looked, one would notice. It was an unusual sight on it.  
It was adorable.  
Gray decided to focus on something and looked to Mira and Elfman.  
“So when did you guys get here?” He asked.  
“Last night.” Said Elfman. “We got your letter like a week ago.”  
“We were doing restaurant work though and wanted to finish the week before leaving.” Lisanna chimed in. “We got back late though so we figured we’d wait until this morning to drop by.”  
“Well, Luce would have probably been nerding out in the guild all night.” Said Natsu, who this time received a large book to the back of the head from the blonde.  
“ _Someone’s_ got to, idiot.” She said.  
“Have you heard from anyone else?” Asked Mira.  
“Gajeel, Levy and Lilly are typing things up at the council they said they’d come back as soon as they could.” Said Erza.  
“Laxus and his lighting squad were on a job for Blue Pegasus and should be back later this week.” Said Gray.  
“Anyone else?” Asked Elfman.  
“Unfortunately not,” Erza replied. “But hopefully soon. In the meantime let’s have something to eat.”

The hours past rather quickly. The group had talked about their adventures in the last year, all while avoiding the elephant in the room. The group figured it was best to wait for everyone, that and while he didn’t say anything, his nonchalant and dumb act didn’t fool them. The only part that was mentioned was that they didn’t know where the master was and had been trying to find a clue on where he could be.  
Before they knew it, it was late in the evening so they ate and all decided to head home. Although there was no real reason for it, Erza, Wendy and Carla had decided to stay at Lucy’s, every few nights once they realised Natsu had actually been going home to sleep. Happy often tagged along with them, claiming Lucy’s bed was comfier, along with the unspoken, Natsu wants some space.  
Except Natsu hadn’t been going home.  
“C-can I uh.” Natsu started once he made sure everyone else was out of earshot.  
“Yes, you can idiot.” Said Gray who sighed. “I told you to stop asking.”  
Gray wasn’t sure why they had been secretive about Natsu staying at his for the last week, but it just sort of happened that way. Natsu had been struggling with sleep and clearly didn’t want anyone to worry, but Gray had picked up on it when he kept sleeping in the guild. More than usual and it was never a light sleep like he would in the past. More than once in the last month, Natsu had drifted off and the group had struggled to wake him.   
“Thanks,” Natsu muttered as he trailed behind him.

They had walked mostly in silence. Gray could see Natsu fight the tiredness as he walked slower and slower. They had managed to make it back to the apartment before the fire mage passed out on the sofa. Gray placed a blanket over him and made his way to his own bed. The more he lingered, the more he had realised how tired he was too. Not much had happened, but with a few more people in the guild, it had taken more energy out of him than usual.  
Of course, he wished Natsu was in bed with him, but he quickly knocked those thoughts away.  
 _Don’t be a dumbass_. He thought to himself.  
He glanced back to Natsu who was sound asleep. He didn’t really know what to do but he couldn’t leave him. But what would he do if Natsu woke up? What does he say? He looked at him and shook away the thoughts and eventually went to bed. 

Late in the night, Gray found himself awaken, his throat was dry and while he didn’t really want to get out of bed, he reluctantly got up and went into the kitchen.  
Suddenly, Natsu twitched and started breathing heavily. Gray jumped at the sudden movement as he’d actually forgotten about the boy on the sofa and had quickly become worried he’d woke him up. When he glanced over he saw Natsu’s eyes were screwed shut.  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Make it stop.” Natsu mumbled in his sleep.  
Gray, startled, walked over and crouched down.  
“Natsu?” he had spoken softly having not wanted to scare him. Natsu had begun to sweat and he’d gripped tightly onto the furry blanket.   
“It won’t go away. Make it go away. It hurts. It hurts. Make her stop.” his voice was a whisper, he looked in pain.  
Gray hadn’t wanted to wake up. Yet, at that moment it seemed like the right thing to do. Gray placed his hand on Natsu’s arm and shook him lightly.  
“Natsu, wake up. It’s just a dream. Hey.” It wasn’t the first time Gray had witnessed Natsu have nightmares, but it was usually little things, like erratic eye movements and the occasional kick. He usually he calmed down on his own and Gray was only sure it was a nightmare because Natsu would briefly mention it later on. He had never had to wake him before though.  
There was the time after they thought Lisanna had died. Gray had found himself looking after Natsu for a few days. He looked like hell from lack of sleep and Happy didn’t know what to do, especially as the Exceed was still young back then.  
There was also the confusing time after leaving Crocus. Natsu kept having nightmares about Lucy dying, for a while Gray had no idea about the future Lucy and was confused, but felt he couldn’t tell anyone because Natsu had told him in confidence. The only reason he even told Gray is because they were on a job and Gray had caught Natsu not sleeping. It was odd to see Natsu so frightened, especially over a dream and yet, he was able to shake it off and move on in typical Natsu fashion.

Natsu suddenly sprung up covered in sweat and buried his face into the palms of his hands as he tried to catch his breath.  
“Ah! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so-” He’d begun to tremble.  
“Natsu, calm down. It was just a dream.” Gray tried to grab his attention but didn’t want to touch him in case it triggered anything.  
Natsu looked up and then it dawned on him that Gray was in front of him. His heartbeat went a mile a minute _. Is he going to kill me_? He jolted back against the wall and then felt a cold hand wrapped tightly around his wrist. _  
_Without thinking Gray had grabbed his wrist and lightly used his magic as he hoped the cold would snap him out of it. He could tell from the erratic look in his eyes that Natsu’s mind wasn’t fully in the room at that moment.  
“Natsu if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, then I might just consider it for being a complete idio.t” it was probably not the best statement to make, but if felt like something Gray would say to him and in a way that was probably something he needed to hear.  
“G-Gray?” tears streamed down his face and he trembled with fear.  
In Natsu’s eyes, all he could see was Gray and blood. So much blood.  
His head hurt.  
“Gray” He let out a whimper before suddenly falling exhausted into the ice mage. “Natsu? H-hey. Calm down, everything’s okay.” Gray didn’t know what else to do other than to wrap his arms around him, to reassure him it was safe. He could feel that Natsu was warm. Too warm. His breathing had become rapid.  
“I’m sorry” Natsu whispered. Gray was slightly confused, he had no ideas what he was sorry about, but he got the impression Natsu wasn’t really talking to him.  
“What are you sorry for?” Gray had never worried so much about him before. The situation felt extremely out of place.  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Natsu tugged on Gray’s shirt “There’s so much… I’m sorry…” Gray felt the warm tear fall onto his t-shirt.  
“Eh? What are you talking about? So much what?” As soon as he asked, Gray already felt like he didn’t want to know the answer. It seemed to him that Natsu was so tired that whatever he saw in his dream, he could still see.  
“Blood.” Natsu’s voice was quiet, but Gray managed to catch on what he said.  
“N-Natsu. There’s no blood. It was just a dream. It’s okay. Hey. It’s okay.” Gray found himself hugging him tightly, in hope Natsu had heard him.  
“How about we get you cleaned up, okay?” He needed to distract the dishevelled boy.

He helped him up, when Natsu stood he nearly fell to the ground. He was so weak he could barely even stand, so Gray helped him walk to the shower room. It would have been easier to carry him, but he thought that getting him to walk may help as difficult as it may be.  
Gray cleaned him up, it wasn’t so weird. He, Natsu and Erza had baths together when they were kids (well Erza forced the notion, but they got used to it). Natsu had begun to calm down and was now apologising to Gray for being pathetic.  
“It’s okay really. I just want to help you.” Gray was just glad he was a bit more awake and looked less sickly now.  
“How long have I been asleep?” Natsu hadn’t really thought about how long he’d been in this state for. Everything had just a blur to him.  
“A few hours. It’s only 3 in the morning right now.” Gray sighed, as he acknowledged the time himself. “It’s no big deal though. I mean I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucy’s still up reading her books and Erza is probably training.” Gray smiled as he tried to reassure him a little.  
“Oh…” Natsu felt guilty for having woke Gray. As he looked at the ice mage he could see the smile falter. He looked tired, drained actually. “Sorry.”  
“Natsu if you apologise one more time I might have to consider killing you.” Gray playfully pushed him, which to his surprise got a small laugh out of the other boy. Good. That’s the face he should have.  
Gray realized he was still crouched and his legs had started to ache a little. He went to stand, however instead of the sofa, he’d grabbed Natsu instead. As a result of the unprepared weight, Natsu ended up on the floor, on top of the ice mage.  
“Uhh. You good bro?” Natsu looked down at the dazed mess underneath him, yet had made no effort to move.  
Gray was startled as he looked up. _Is he blushing?_ The dim yellowish light from the lamp really did wonders for his skin. Gray thought- before he shut down those thoughts.  
“D-did you die?” Natsu looked at him slightly concerned as Gray realised he still hadn’t said anything.  
“You’re lighter than I thought you’d be.” Is what he said with immediate regret as Natsu’s eyes went wide and his face had flushed a bright red. _Wrong thing to say, idiot.  
_ “Oh shit. Sorry.” Natsu eventually pulled himself off as sat back on the sofa. Gray stared at him blankly for a moment before he joined him.  
Before things had got awkward Gray decided to ask about the dream.  
“Huh?” Natsu blanked for a moment as if his mind was on something else. “Oh. It’s uuh. Nothing.”  
“Natsu.”  
“I don’t know.” He said. “It was just- dark.” Natsu had spoken slowly as if he had been trying to understand it himself. “It hurt.”  
“What hurts?” Asked Gray who placed a hand on Natsu’s leg which had started to bounce up and down. It calmed him down a little.  
“My head. It’s- uh. It’s fine now. I don’t really know.” Natsu slumped back into the sofa. “I think I’m just tired.” He said before he gave a sly grin. “I think you are too ice princess.”  
Gray found his cheeks warm up and hoped it wasn’t visible.  
“Yeah, I kinda am.” He said as he thought about getting up, but before he could he felt a hand tug on his shirt.  
“This is kinda lame. But, uh.” Natsu looked down as he talked. “Can you stay? Just- just for a little while.”  
“Just for a little while.” Gray slumped back and within minutes both were asleep with Natsu’s head on his shoulder which Gray totally didn’t freak over. It wasn’t the first time they’d slept like that.  
But he hoped it wasn’t the last either.


	4. Conflict 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group talked for a while, however, Evergreen and Bickslow said they were tired from travelling so the more or less ate and left, Elfman had gone off with them. Eventually, Mira and Lisanna left too, along with Wendy and Carla, although Happy was tired but at some point, Natsu had disappeared so he’d gone with them. They were concerned that Natsu had left unnoticed, but Juvia had said she’d seen him go back to the library. Mira knew something was going on and had approached Erza about it already, Erza said she’d explain when everyone was back. The demon-mage trusted her and said she’d respect it, for now. But if Natsu got any quieter she was going to demand what was going on.  
> Erza understood that

Lucy was once again in the guild's library. Meanwhile Mirajane, Lisanna and Juvia had been preparing some dinner for the group. While Erza, Wendy and Carla had gone out to stock up the kitchen. Elfman had gone off to see Evergreen who had arrived with her group that morning.  
“Gah! This is useless, there’s nothing else here!” Lucy shook old rugged book that had sent Natsu to having a mid-life crisis.  
“There has to be something. The master couldn’t have just left that and expected us to figure the rest out.” Gray looked over to the stressed blonde. “Or expected Natsu would suddenly remember everything the moment he saw it. He’s not that much of a sadist.”  
“I dunno. He lets us fight all the time and he never stopped us even when we’d clearly broken something.” Said Natsu half-jokingly.  
“We’ll figure it out Lucy. Then we will get our answers. Just maybe not right now. Maybe we should gather up the rest of the guild and work it out together.” Gray had tried to remain optimistic. Yet he knew, like the others, this search for was pointless. He could also tell that despite how nonchalant he had been acting, Natsu was anxious about remembering.  
“I-I don’t know about that. More help would be good. But for them to help us we’d need to tell them _everything_.” Lucy responded. “Are you really sure you’re ready for that Natsu?” She looked over to the bored boy who swung on his chair. He’d looked better recently, but there was an aura about him that seemed… different, but she couldn’t place what it was. For now, she ignored it.  
“It’s not telling them that I’m worried about.” He said. “It’s who’s listening. If the master knew and now we know, who else could know? We- we killed the Tartaros members, but they had that lab that could revive them. I’m not convinced that Tartaros is truly gone. Mira had one, no. Two of them after all. If we assume they aren’t, or if there are others, how long would it take before they learn that I’m-” Natsu sighed and hadn’t finished the sentence, but they knew. Surprisingly he had a point, for once it seemed he’d actually placed thought into all this. Which is exactly what had worried Lucy.  
Something was _wrong_.  
“But didn’t Mira destroy that lab?” Asked Happy.  
“She did.” Said Lucy. “But, Natsu’s right. I don’t honestly believe that lab was the only one they had. With all the Zeref cult members there are. If they had the plans to the r-system and eclipse and we have this.” She held up the tattered black book. “Then it wouldn’t surprise me if someone’s replicated that lab. Either for the demons or trying to revive someone.” Lucy felt weird stating that Natsu was created or revived. As that would lead her to the realization that Natsu had died. They’d already covered that, but it was a fact no one had truly acknowledged.

The notion could be true, it seemed logical. Yet the thought of having to face a reborn Tartaros with possibly new members and extremely pissed off old ones wasn’t something they wanted to think about. They may be stronger from the past year, but those demons would likely be too and they barely scraped through the last time. If it wasn’t for the dragons, Acnologia would have surely killed both them and the demons. But, the dragon era is now over. Next time could mean game over.  
No. It _would_ be game over.  
Additionally, the only member they could definitely confirm ‘dead’ was Mard Geer the replacement guild master for E.N.D (or at least _supposed_ replacement. It sounded likely that he had made it up to attract other demons). Along with a few others. So then they’d have to worry about who was the new master. As for the rest, they couldn’t really confirm. The lab was in fact destroyed by Mira, but was there really only one? Mira had only taken-oven two of the demons, and Silver had been controlled. So that still left about five unconfirmed. But if there were more labs that number could easily rise. 

Lucy pondered about it for a while, “More help _would_ be good, but I don’t know how they’d take it. And if we do tell, I don’t think telling everyone would be a good idea. We should wait a bit first. It’s not that I don’t trust our guild, but I’d be lying if I said I trusted _everyone_. I know that sounds bad and to be honest, I think us disappearing for seven years weeded out anyone who wouldn’t be trustworthy. But-” She was trying to think realistically as possible. It would be naïve to think that every Fairy Tail member was honest and noble. Of course, she trusted most of them, especially after everything, but if someone like Mest had slipped through. Who else did?  
Besides, if she were honest with herself, it wasn’t really that she didn’t trust people, it was that she didn’t trust who could be listening.  
“No, you’re right.” Erza had stepped in, “In the meantime, we should do what we can. Although you’ve been at this for a while, maybe we should take a break.” Erza’s idea of a break would naturally involve strawberry cake.  
With a sigh, Lucy put down her book and with the others had gone to the main hall.

Lisanna, Mira and Juvia had cooked for all of them and had also made a cake, much to Erza’s delight. Elfman had returned with Bickslow and Evergreen who stated that Laxus and Freed had been unpacking and that they’d stop in the morning. There isn’t a window in the library so Lucy hadn’t noticed that it was dark out until she out, she then turned to the clock and saw that it was 1 am.  
“Oi Gray!” Shouted Bickslow, “What’s this I hear about you and Juvia?” He teased as Gray’s face turned bright red and Juvia mumbled in the background.   
“N-nothing! She followed me!” He protested which caused him to burst out in laughter. “I wasn’t just gonna kick her out.” Gray mumbled.  
“I thought you were cold-hearted,” Natsu smirked clearly teasing him.  
“Haa!” Gray squared up and in minutes to two were once again fighting.  
“How about some food. I’m sure you’re both hungry” Erza asked as she ignored the two.  
“I see some things don’t change.” Evergreen laughed as she walked over to the food and avoided the flames and ice.  
Erza eventually stepped into the fight and the two boys were left on the floor groaning about winning next time. After a while, they all sat at one of the tables and began to eat. The scene made Erza smile. The situation as it stood felt normal. It made her think that there was still hope. With the added members it had finally felt like Fairy Tail was mending again.

The group talked for a while, however, Evergreen and Bickslow said they were tired from travelling so the more or less ate and left, Elfman had gone off with them. Eventually, Mira and Lisanna left too, along with Wendy and Carla, although Happy was tired but at some point, Natsu had disappeared so he’d gone with them. They were concerned that Natsu had left unnoticed, but Juvia had said she’d seen him go back to the library. Mira knew something was going on and had approached Erza about it already, Erza said she’d explain when everyone was back. The demon-mage trusted her and said she’d respect it, _for now_. But if Natsu got any quieter she was going to demand what was going on.  
Erza understood that. 

Lucy slowly walked into the library not really sure what to expect. She didn’t really know what she was doing. She just wanted her best friend back to his normal self. Sure he’d gotten better than last week, but he still seemed to have moments. Moments where his mind was absent or he’d suddenly go quiet. She hated it. Even his smile didn’t look as bright anymore.  
As she entered Natsu was sat at the desk where she’d left the tattered book. He hadn’t noticed her which already set off alarm bells in her head. She looked at him for a moment. He looked tired, but not from lack of sleep. The sort of tired that seeped into your bones as if you’d carried this huge weight for so long and suddenly you no longer had the energy to carry it. But you _had_ to. You had to keep going because if you stopped, even for a moment, you wouldn’t be able to move again.  
“Natsu?” She walked over to him and sat down opposite him.  
“I’m sorry” he muttered with his head still down to the book.  
The blonde was confused, “You don’t have to be sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong.” She looked at him concerned, he looked like he was about to shatter. Like one touch and he’d turn to dust.  
“I hurt you. I really didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” She was beginning to realize what this conversation was about to become. The conversation that has nearly happened multiple times. But, for whatever reason, it hadn’t. Right now it didn’t matter anymore. “What are you talking about?” She already knew, but she felt she needed the clarification. This isn’t a conversation that needed to happen anymore. He’d proved more than enough that he was sorry. Natsu wasn’t the sort to talk in words. He’d speak with his actions.  
“For leaving you alone. I didn’t mean to, I- I thought you wou-” Lucy stopped him. “You thought I’d be what? Okay? Of course, I wasn’t okay.” He voiced raised slightly as some anger took over, but she sighed. She wasn’t angry, not really, she had been sure. But now she was frustrated that despite everything the pink-haired idiot had still thought about this. “The guild was disbanded and everyone was gone in an instant. And all you left me was some half-assed note saying you were leaving fo-”  
“I’m sorry. I should have at least told you. I was scared that you would end up coming with me. I didn’t even want Happy to come with me. I wanted to go alone. If I’d told you in person you _would_ have come. Truth be told, I _knew_ where the exceed village was, I went there on purpose because I didn’t have the heart to tell Happy no. And about the guild, I felt guilty, but I kept telling myself you’d be fine. I’m sure Cana or someone is with her. If I’d known you were alone I would have come back.” He stopped suddenly and looked up at her. Lucy saw something she’d never thought she sees in Natsu.  
That determined look he’d always had was suddenly gone.  
Natsu’s green eyes were turned dull and hollow. He’d become an empty shell. One that was filled with cracks. Those cracks were showing more than ever now. Lucy could see it. He’d been fighting for so long that those cracks were increasing.  
Her best friend was finally breaking.  
“I didn’t want you to see me as weak. After what happened. I-I…” Tears had begun to flow down his face. He’d hit his limit and the tears became uncontrollable.  
Lucy stood up and walked around the table to sit next to him.  
“Natsu I wasn’t finished.” She grabbed his hand. “I’ve never seen you as weak, I don’t think that’s possible. I was annoyed that you left me a note and nothing else, but then again you were the only one that had the courtesy of at least telling me. But I wasn’t annoyed with the others for not telling me because they all had their own goal. Their own shit to sort out and I know you did. But when I found out you weren’t even with Happy I got annoyed. Not that you’d left. But that you went off on your own at a time when you clearly needed someone. Natsu I was annoyed because you tried to deal with this weight on your own. I’m annoyed because I’m looking at you now and I can see that it’s backfired. I’m annoyed because I don’t know how to help you.”  
“No-I-I…” He looked at her while he tried to fight the overflow of tears, “It hurt…”  
Lucy gently caressed his cheek and wiped away some of the tears.  
“Natsu you’re not alone and you don’t have to fight on your own. It’s even okay if you can’t fight. We’ll fight for you like you’ve always fought for us.” She smiled and before she could react Natsu had thrown himself into her and his arms had gripped the back of her jacket.  
“When I left the note in your apartment I saw Aquarius’ broken key.” Lucy’s breath hitched at that, she hadn’t told anyone about it. “I didn’t realize what it was until later. I’m sorry. I was selfish. You’d lost something to. I hadn’t forgotten that despite the relationship you two had. She was one of your mother's spirits too wasn’t she?” He pulled away from the hug and looked at her with bloodshot eyes.  
He hadn’t forgotten. Natsu never forgot anything Lucy said. He’d just like to screw with her sometimes. Yet, he’d always listen. Natsu could act like the dumbest person in the room, but anyone who’d known him long enough knew he would actually be the smartest. It was a bit terrifying really how clued on he actually was.  
“It’s okay. She’s not dead, I just can’t see her. Besides, if it wasn’t for her sacrificing herself. I wouldn’t be here and neither would any of you guys.” She didn’t want to go into details, it still hurt just mentioning that much.  
Natsu didn’t need her to say much more. It made sense how they got out of the Algeria spell and why he’d sensed to Celestial Spirit King. Lucy must have summoned him at the cost of Aquarius’ key.  
“Luce, I’m really pathetic and I’m really sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. “You’ve always stayed by me and I just left you. I’m sorry.” He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “T-thank-you.” He gave her a toothy grin, although it still wasn't quite as happy, but it was getting there.  
“It’s okay, I forgive you. I hope you forgive me too. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I was just scared that I’d never see you again. But, it’s okay now. I know you’re not leaving again, I trust you. I know that if you do. You will come back.” She smiled back.  
“Yeah. Cause it’s always more fun when we’re together, right?” He said. Whatever was to come it would be okay because all his friends were with him. He ignored the other thoughts in his head.  
“Yeah.” She was happy to hear he sounded like the Natsu she knows.  
Natsu was still tired, but he didn’t seem to feel as tired as he was, the conversation lifted a weight from him.  
“I think I’m gonna head home.” He said as he ignored the book that stared back at him.  
“Uh. Yeah, that sounds good actually. Now that I think about it I’m pretty tired too. I think Erza’s going to stay over. You and Gray can join if you want? Oh, Juvia too!”  
“Nah I’m good.” He rubbed his eyes as he stood up.

“When’s the wedding? Juvia wants to help out!” Juvia bombarded the two as soon as the re-entered the main hall.  
“E-ehhh!” Lucy went bright red while Natsu poked the water-mages head and muttered if her brain was okay which got a laugh out of Gray. Juvia decided not to comment on Natsu’s face when he heard the other boy laugh, but yes, yes she had noticed.

It wasn’t long after that Natsu had left. Gray subtly asked him if he was okay as he had noticed his red eyes. Surprisingly Natsu admitted that he wasn’t, but he felt better, but also felt like he wanted to spend the night alone.  
Gray shook away the jealous thoughts that started to creep up and tried to remain happy for his friend and bid him goodnight.  
Lucy and Erza had also left with Juvia declining their offer, which just left the blue-haired mage and Gray. They were also going to leave until Juvia said she wanted to chat for a moment and for once she sounded serious so Gray stayed as well as the fact that neither were all that tired. Juvia had left a moment to make hot drinks which cause the ice-mages thoughts to spiral.  
It couldn’t be ignored that Natsu is the younger brother of the black mage Zeref.  
Zeref, the one who’d caused Erza to go through so much pain.  
Zeref, the reason why Gray’s parents and teacher were dead.  
Zeref, the reason why Ultear was dead.  
The list of the dead would be never-ending. The list of puppets would be even longer.  
But, that’s when the problem begins.  
Natsu of now is clearly not the Natsu of then. However, the creation of Tartaros was his doing. Right? They still wouldn’t kill him. They were going to save him as he’d saved them.  
“Gray-sama?” His thoughts were broken with the cup of tea placed in front of him.  
“Huh. Oh. Thanks. Um.” He looked up at her and was met with a soft smile. “What did you want to talk about?”  
“What happened the other night?” She asked outright and clearly was straight to the point, but Gray played dumb. Or at least tried to but he could feel his face heat up. “I-I- I don’t know what you’re talking about!”  
Juvia giggled.  
“Reeeally. Because well you looked like a kicked puppy when Lucy went after him.” She purposely didn’t say his name as a way to tease Gray further. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you getting jealous when I teased them earlier.”  
“I’m not jealous!” He stammered over Juvia’s laughter.  
“Hmmm? I don’t know Gray-sama. You looked pretty jealous to me.” She smirked. “I don’t know what their conversation was, but I know it wasn’t what you probably think it was.”  
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“I mean he looked pretty upset, but I also know that they still hadn’t actually talked about Natsu leaving and I know Lucy was upset about that. Natsu spoke to me about it once too. I was kinda surprised really. I thought even though they hadn’t spoken about it, it had also been sorted you know.”  
Oh.  
_Oh_.  
Juvia took a sip from her drink.  
“I guess he’s got so much on his mind he wanted to sort at least one thing out and out of everything I think that’s one thing he can control.”  
Gray felt stupid, stupid for even getting jealous of his friend's happiness, but for also assuming when Natsu was clearly upset. He was a terrible friend.  
“He doesn’t like her like that you know.” Juvia stated bluntly.  
“Huh?”  
“I mean at first I thought that maybe Natsu is just dense. He _does_ seem like the type.” She got a laugh from Gray. “But then I saw him with you and-”  
“Oh. No. No. No nonono. Don’t even go there. You were right the first time. He’s dense.” Gray quickly shut down her point. He didn’t want that sort of hope.  
“Gray.”  
“No.”  
“He _likes_ you.”  
“Nope, we’re done.” He stood up.  
“He _like_ likes you.”  
“And with that, I’m going home.” He left with Juvia slightly behind him who laughed at how bright red his face had gone.  
Gray didn’t sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter. As I've said this is a rewrite of an old thing and with some of the changes I've made the original ending for this chapter didn't work but I'll still probably use it for a later chapter.  
> Anyway enjoy a Gray and Juvia bro moment.


	5. Conflict 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one really knew what to say to Natsu’s words, not to mention his entire demeanour had changed. Natsu stood there, calm, unfazed by the words that had just come out of his own mouth. Cobra was the first one to do anything. It was a subtle movement, but he’d placed a hand on his shoulder tightly which caused Natsu to snap out of the weird personality change and look back at the concerned purple eyes.  
> “You really need to tell them. If you won’t I will.” There was an odd softness to his voice that Erza didn’t think he was even capable of. Yeah, now she was defiantly asking Natsu about that one later. Gray was still reeling from Natsu’s statement to have noticed.  
> “Don’t kill me.” Natsu’s voice sounded worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey. Didn't see you there. *swings legs* 
> 
> So uh I'm so sorry this took so long. You'd think with the virus right now I'd have more time to write. But nope. Not me. I work in care so no isolation for this gal :p When I'm off I prefer to draw as its more relaxing and the last few weeks of work have been... well... stressful and incredibly difficult. The rare occasion I have motivated myself to write its been on my own story not fanfics so yeah.  
> I hope y'all are keeping safe and if you can please for the love of God only go out of important shit. I keep seeing people out just for the hell of it and its infuriating. As someone who's having to look after the elderly and seeing the effects of the virus first hand please take this shit seriously! 
> 
> Anyway. sorry for the vent. Enjoy the chapter, this is mostly new content that I've written up which is kind of the other reason why it took so long.

The next morning there was an unexpected group that had walked through the entrance.  
The blue hair was unmistakable.  
“J-Jellal!” Erza and the others were startled to see three hooded figures of Crime Sorciere. Jellal, Meredy and one former Oracion Seis member Cobra.  
“What are you guys doing here?” asked Gray. Erza had mentioned to them that Jellal took in the Oracion Seis after Doranbolt let them go. “Where are the others?” “They're doing some other business,” Jellal replied bluntly which made it sound more ominous than it actually was.  
They had simply gone for supplies for their temporary base. But Jellal found their confused and worried glances amusing so he didn’t assure them.  
For the time being it was to be ignored that they were a vigilante guild and were technically criminal. For the moment they were friends, which yes, that included Cobra, who despite his aloofness, blended in rather well with the group.  
Erza relayed to Jellal about Avatar, while Meredy caught up with Juvia and Lucy. With the reason for their visit left unspoken for the time being.  
But Natsu hadn’t missed the look Jellal had given him when he first entered. Nobody would have noticed because they hadn’t searched for it.  
They’d already spoken after all. His eye twitched in annoyance.

After a while however, Erza had wanted to stop playing this game, she could tell from Natsu’s and Jellal’s unspoken conversation that told her the two had clearly talked prior to Natsu’s return. While she had enjoyed the casual conversation, she had wanted to wait for various people to leave, but instead however more had turned up which put her plan on hold.  
Lilly, Levy and Gajeel showed up around noon, with Cana, Macao, Wakaba and Romeo not far behind, which was when Crime Sorciere decided to take their leave, but not before Jellal made it subtly clear to Erza, Natsu and Gray that they’d meet up later. The worried looked on Natsu’s face had confirmed Erza’s suspicion, but she elected to say nothing for the time being.   
By evening most of the guild was surprisingly there, minus Gildarts and the Master. Although Cana said she’d spoken to her old man and he was fine, but too far to come back any time soon.  
Erza sighed, she was happy to see everyone again, Lucy had even cried from being overwhelmed. She was ultimately the one who got everyone here after all.  
What worried her was Natsu.  
He was acting like, well, Natsu. Which should have been normal and fine, but he hadn’t been _this_ normal since before Tartarus. For the time being she wrote it off to maybe having everyone back really did make him feel normal again.  
Natsu wasn’t a good actor after all.  
Was he? 

As was the Fairy Tail way Erza knew that waiting for people to go home wasn’t an option. While it may have been unfair to only drag Natsu and Gray with her, it was the less suspicious option as they were already together- they’ve been together a lot lately, Erza pondered. Something had definitely happened between those two it was always the three of them, but the last few weeks she can’t help but feel out of the loop of something. She wasn’t jealous or anything like that, but she couldn’t place if they'd gotten closer or were drifting apart, not to mention her worry with Natsu and how-  
“Erza do you even know where they are?” Natsu asked which broke her thoughts.  
“He mentioned they were staying at the White Horse Inn.” She hadn’t missed the sly look the two boys exchanged, she felt a little embarrassed, was she really that obvious?!

“So you guys know?” Meredy immediately asked after she set some cups on the table.  
“Natsu did you tell them?” Erza eyed him, as he shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.  
“Not- not exactly.”  
“I met Tartaros once.” Cobra butted in. “Brain took me to them as he wanted to ‘figure them out’ and with my abilities that was possible. At the time no one knew that they were demons from Zeref’s book. Not until I _heard_ all of them. Something about etherious. At first, I thought maybe they were just some hard-core Zeref cultists. I mean we didn’t know Zeref was actually still around.” He paused as his mind drifted to the tower for a moment.  
“Later I found out what they really were and their goal. To revive END. The thing I could never work out though is despite them being aware END was their former master. They couldn’t remember what they looked like. Any memory of being with him was fuzzed out. I guess that must have been Zeref’s doing.”  
“Why would he do that?” Gray asked both Natsu and Cobra simply shrugged, but it seemed they both had an idea they just didn’t want to say it.  
“Most likely to protect Natsu,” Jellal answered instead. If he saw Natsu cringe at that he had ignored it.  
Cobra continued, “The first mention of them being involved with Zeref, made us keep a distance. Whatever it was. They were near the centre. We had our own goals. Neither of us pried further than we needed to. Brain told me that I was to never tell anyone. We made the alliance to keep each to our own and never cross paths. That included Grimoire Heart too.”  
“In a sense, we all broke that.” Meredy smiled nervously. She was right. Her and Cobra’s guilds tried to use each other as a means to an end. Tartaros used their fall to their advantage. They had been the endgame of the alliance.  
“So even Brain was nervous about them,” Erza stated.  
“They were a double-edged sword.” Said Cobra. “The whole alliance was really. From what I could hear, everyone was nervous about them even outside of Ishgar. The first person I told anything in regards to those demon freaks was Doranbolt and later found myself prying on the very thing I decided I’d never do.” It suddenly made sense why Doranbolt let them out, that was a fact that was never mentioned, it had been Cobra’s insurance.  
“Still doesn’t explain how you knew about Natsu though.” Gray mumbled. The boy in question looked ready to leave.   
“We ran into him in Alvarez. Well- actually, I _literally_ ran into him.” Meredy laughed sheepishly.

_Meredy was in a hurry, she had to find Jellal and the others quickly. Zeref was here! More importantly, he was running this whole country who who-knows how long. She needed to- “Oof!” She stumbled back. Her thoughts had been so haywire she hadn’t really been paying attention to what was in front of her.  
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I- huh.” She looked up, eyes meeting familiar dark green ones. “Natsu?”  
“Uh. Hey. Meredy right?” He looked scared. His pupils were blown wide and his hair wasn’t in its usual spiked style, with his fringe hiding most of his eyes. More importantly, he hadn’t been wearing his scarf, and he was alone.   
“Why are you-”  
“I gotta go.” He cut her off abruptly as he swiftly took off before Meredy could react the boy was lost to the crowd.  
“I need to find Jellal.” _

Meredy now looked nervous. Clearly Natsu had told them, but he’d obviously not told them everything. If he had, then he wouldn’t have looked so scared in that moment. Cobra was the one to confirm it.  
“You didn’t tell them.” He didn’t question, but rather stated.  
“I uh-”  
“Natsu.” Erza stood in front of him and placed a hand on both shoulders he averted her gaze. “Natsu look at me.”  
Gray looked over to Meredy and Jellal. Cobra looked unmoved, but Gray couldn’t tell if the man simply didn’t care, which seemed unlikely due to his presence- or he was just good a hiding his emotions. The other two, however, both had a sad look in their eyes. What the hell happened in Alverez?  
“You trust us right?” Erza asked.  
“This isn’t- yeah course I do.” He still wouldn’t look at her. “If I didn’t I wouldn’t have come back at all.”  
“Liar.” Cobra muttered which caused Erza and Gray to turn to him.  
“ _Erik.”_ The name sounded strange from Natsu’s lips and yet it also seemed one he used a lot.  
“If you’ve told them about Zeref and well… you. Then at least tell them _everything_.” Cobra glared at him. When Erza turned back to Natsu she found him glaring at the other dragon mage. There was something unspoken between the two she couldn’t figure out. She wasn’t sure whether to ask about it later. Whatever it was, it was currently unrelated to the Zeref situation. Gray noticed it too and he didn’t like it.  
“He wasn’t going to come back.” Cobra called Natsu’s bluff and spoke again. “He was going to stay with Zeref and take up his offer.”  
“What offer?” Gray’s voice was lined with anger.  
“To become one of the Spriggan twelve.” He said bluntly.  
“What!?!” Gray and Erza shouted in unison as they both now faced him.  
“What the fuck Natsu!?” Gray hated the way he flinched at him. As pissed as he was, he tried to reel in his voice. “Why the fuck did you consider that?” Gray had wondered exactly how their conversation had gone, he seemed odd to simply chat and just walk away. But it had also seemed very likely and maybe ultimately that was how it’d gone. But clearly not before Zeref had given Natsu an ultimatum of some sort which lead Gray to ask another question before Natsu could answer the previous one.  
“Did he threaten you?”  
“No.” Natsu looked at him for probably the first time since they’d entered the room.  
“Then _why_? Why would you have just- just left us!?”  
Natsu sighed although Gray hadn’t missed the way his eye twitched in annoyance. Natsu was tired of the conversation and would kill Erik later for pushing it, which he could see from the corner of his eye the Dragon Slayer smirk at that. He thought about lying, saying something like ‘to keep you safe’ but he knew neither of them would have believed that because Natsu is many things, but a hypocrite isn’t one. However, he didn’t want to be honest either because then they’d never trust him again.  
Natsu laughed. It wasn’t loud or happy though, it was cold, scared. There was something about it that scared Gray. It was a blink and you’ll miss it a moment, as he saw something dark flicker in the boy’s eyes. For a second it was like Natsu wasn’t in the room. Gray wasn’t sure if anyone else had noticed it. But the look on Cobra’s face told him that it wasn’t that he didn’t notice. But that he’d seen it before.   
“It was easier.” Natsu said matter-of-factly.  
Gray’s blood ran cold at the simple statement.

 _Cobra didn’t know why he was stuck with the annoying white-haired mage, but here he was. In the middle of a city, he didn’t really know, walking down a mostly quiet street, tuning out the rambles of Angel. He’s pretty sure Jellal only did that to get back at him for the other week when he’d gotten him drunk.  
Not his fault the lovesick dumbass is a lightweight.  
“Eriiiik.” The girl whined. “You never listen to me.”  
“You’re annoying.” He spoke without sparing a glance at her but he could feel the pout on her face.  
They hadn’t walked much further when Cobra heard a familiar voice. One he hadn’t heard in some time and definitely hadn’t expected to hear it here. It sounded wrong though. Distressed.  
Cobra picked up his pace as he ignored the protest of the girl behind him.  
At some point, he’d had started running without realising it. The voice sounded terrified, panicked and disturbed.  
“Letmedieletmedieletmedieletmedieletmedieletme-” It went on and on like a mantra.  
Cobra turned into street after street and it almost seemed like the voice wasn’t getting any closer. Until eventually…  
“Natsu!” The name felt unfamiliar on his lips and yet he felt compelled to shout it.  
Alone in an alley was the fire dragon mage_ _in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. Cobra wasn’t exactly good with emotions and yet now he was running on auto-pilot.  
He heard it.  
Zeref… Brother… Death… Revival.  
“Hey, Pyro.” Cobra crouched down next to him cautiously. He hadn’t actually seen Natsu since before he got arrested, he knew that he’d been stopped in time for seven years so he hadn’t expected him to look much different, and yet he did. He looked small and fragile. The cockiness and determination Cobra remembered was non-existent. Why was he here? Why alone? He knew Fairy Tail had disbanded, but he could tell Natsu wasn’t the sort to want to be alone. Yet, the only familiar voices he could hear were that of his own guild.  
“Oi dumbass, look at me. You need to breathe.” Cobra grabbed the boy’s wrist when it became clear that he wasn’t even aware of his presence. He was trembling as both hands latched onto pink hair. Natsu had flinched at the physical touch, Cobra wasn’t sure he appreciated that, but it did get a pair of bloodshot green eyes that were practically black from blown pupils, to look at him. Cobra got the feeling that Natsu didn’t recognise him as his eyebrows furred in confusion. He was still an idiot then he thought.  
But no, because after a few seconds his breathing began to even out as a raspy voice eventually spoke.  
“Cobra?” _

No one really knew what to say to Natsu’s words, not to mention his entire demeanour had changed. Natsu stood there, calm, unfazed by the words that had just come out of his own mouth. Cobra was the first one to do anything. It was a subtle movement, but he’d placed a hand on his shoulder tightly which caused Natsu to snap out of the weird personality change and look back at the concerned purple eyes.  
“You really need to tell them. If you won’t I will.” There was an odd softness to his voice that Erza didn’t think he was even capable of. Yeah, now she was _defiantly_ asking Natsu about that one later. Gray was still reeling from Natsu’s _statement_ to have noticed.  
“Don’t kill me.” Natsu’s voice sounded worried.  
“Natsu we already said we wouldn’t-” Gray started but the other mage cut him off.   
“Zeref unsealed the book.” He said. Gray and Erza looked at each other confused. They knew what book he was talking about, but surely doing that meant bringing the demon out, which obviously Natsu was already-  
 _oh.  
_“What does that mean exactly?” Erza asked. Gray could see she’d reached the same conclusion, but they still wanted specifics.  
“I don’t really know how to explain it with making myself sounding crazy.” He said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  
“Natsu.” Gray wanted to hug him and promise him that everything would be okay, but he couldn’t.  
“I guess. I uh. Hear this voice sometimes?” He said as if he was unsure of himself. “And one time I kinda like, um. Blacked out and stuff happened and uh-” With each word his voice got quieter and quieter until he just stopped talking.  
“It another personality.” Jellal eventually spoke with more confidence than Natsu.  
“What?” Erza looked at him waiting for more.  
“I guess you could say its E.N.D trying to take control.”  
“Oh.” She didn’t really know what to say to that.  
“I-I’m fine though!” Natsu piped up again trying to sound like his perky dense self. Unfortunately, he wasn’t convincing in the slightest. “I mean I only lost control like once and it wasn’t even that bad I mean I don’t hear the voice that often and it’s gotten quieter since coming back to the guild it was probably just shock or something from talking with Zeref and-”  
“Whoa. Whoa, calm down dumbass.” Gray squished the boy’s cheeks to get him to stop and actually breathe. “It’s okay if it’s not okay. We’ll figure it out like we always do okay?”  
“Do you want to say ‘okay’ again?” Natsu teased.  
“Shut up pyro.” Gray retorted with no real heat in his voice. Natsu had smiled. It was small, but genuine. Good. He’d gotten him to smile at least.  
“So uh. Mind me asking what _did_ happen when Natsu wasn’t Natsu?” Erza got back to business.  
The four other mages looked uncomfortable at the question, after a moment of silence it was Jellal that answered.  
“He nearly killed someone.”

_Jellal found himself running towards the direction of the fire. He knew what the cause of it was. Natsu had been acting strange ever since Erik had brought the boy to their group three weeks before. Natsu had been convinced that he had to go back to Zeref because he believed that didn’t deserve to be anywhere else. It was a selfish decision to drag Natsu with their group. But he wasn’t letting him go that easily, especially when he got to witness the brief moments of Natsu acting like the Natsu he knows. He owed him that. Not to mention Erza would never forgive him.  
Understandably, the boy had grown quiet and nervous about the situation and initially hadn’t been very trusting towards the group. Which, again, was understandable seeing as they wanted to eliminate Zeref and anything related to the matter.  
Although, Natsu had always seemed the type to face things head-on and was selfless, and was too dense to overthink things. However, clearly this had been his breaking point. This in a way, seemed like a natural reaction to being told you had died, been revived and that your older brother was the greatest enemy in history. _

_Yet, it was the coldness, the hints of spite and hatred that sometimes seeped out of his voice and showed a complete 180 of Natsu’s happy-go-lucky personality that scared Jellal. There was also the times it seemed like the boy was being dragged into a dark place. The nervous twitch, the blank stare, the quiet mumblings of ‘fuck off’ or ‘shut up’ to some invisible being. It was things that no one would notice unless you’d been looking for it. Which for some reason, Jellal had been. Ever since Natsu had said that Zeref had unsealed E.N.D’s book and that nothing had happened Jellal had looked out for it.  
Now it was being blown up in his face as he and the rest of his guild reached the small village, the night sky now a burning orange and the sound of wild animals being replaced by screaming. Without any of them realising Natsu had left some point in the night, it was Erik that had heard the screams in the distance first._

_As they got closer the group kicked into action.  
“Erik, me and you will find Natsu. Sawyer, Richard go east, help anyone you can. Meredy, Macbeth and Sorano go west and work towards the centre!” He rattled out orders which no one debated and quickly dispersed.  
Jellal could roughly tell from the concentration of the flames where Natsu was. He didn’t need Erik to help search for him, he needed him because if his theory was right then he figured the other dragon slayer might be able to get through to him. Jellal hadn’t missed the connection the two had made over the last few weeks. _

Gray eyed Natsu cautiously as Jellal explained how he’d purposely burnt down a village and had nearly killed both Cobra and Jellal. Apparently Cobra had talked him down and since then Natsu said the voice was barely noticeable. No one mentioned the inner details. Like what exactly Cobra had said or more importantly what the voice was telling Natsu, but as Gray looked around the room it seemed like those were two things that only Natsu and Cobra knew. Jellal hadn’t skipped those details because he was trying to hide it, or thought it was trivial. He’d skipped it because he didn’t know himself and it seemed neither of the dragon slayers were willing to share anytime soon and neither would look at each other.  
He pushed any jealous thoughts he was having and focused on the present.  
“We’ll figure it out alright.” Gray shot him a slight smile and was relieved when the other boy returned to gesture.  
“Yeah.”

There was another round of tea poured when it was clear there was still more to tell.  
“So you spent most of the last year with this idiot.” Gray summarised.  
“Hey!”  
“Feel like I should’ve got paid for it.” Cobra teased.  
“I am a delight shut it.” Natsu grumbled.  
“I suppose he got the sass from you.” Gray ignored the boy who tried to swat him from across the small table.  
“I thought it came from you.” Cobra laughed. Gray smirked at that.  
Yeah, it wasn’t often but there had been times where Natsu wasn’t stupid and would either _play_ dumb or just be straight out with it. The first time it happened was when they were about ten and Laxus was peak arsehole. He had practically given Laxus and pretty much most of the guild whiplash.  
Gajeel had been another victim of his sass and had looked like he’d been slapped in the face, when instead of starting a fight, as usual, Natsu had quipped with “Acting like a dick won’t make yours bigger Gajeel.” That one caused Cana to choke on her drink.  
Yeah, he’d definitely picked it up from him. Gray felt pretty proud of him for that one.

“So we found ourselves in the east after a while. We’d split up. Us three and Natsu went eastwhile the others kept an eye on Alverez.”  
“Why east?” Asked Erza.  
“To find a way to kill Zeref.” Said Jellal, Erza noted Natsu’s uncomfortable look though and waited for more.  
“Go back to the start.” Natsu said. “I uh. Went home. Well. Kinda.” He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. Gray could see the hurt in his eyes though, it was enough to tell him that his ‘home’ was clearly inactive now.  
“So you really do remember everything then.” Gray said.  
“Not really. And even if I did I wouldn’t have been able to tell you where home was. Zeref had mentioned the east though. And I mean outside of Ishgar by the way.”  
“How exactly did you find it then?” He asked and although he looked at Natsu, the question was really for anyone to answer.  
“It’s a long story really.” Meredy cut in. “I’ll cut it short though. We didn’t really know where to start at Zeref had already taken off again, not that I would have liked Natsu going back to talk to him anyway.” The words ‘I didn’t trust him to go’ went unspoken. “So we went looking around for cults. I guess this was about two months before we got in contact with you Gray.” Natsu didn’t look happy about that. It was obvious they hadn’t told him about their contact with him. He felt a little guilty about it even though he didn’t know. He was also a little pissed now knowing they’d got in touch with him and Natsu was with them.  
“I mean before you get angry with us-” Yeah she’d picked up on his anger. “We wanted to take out these cults. So don’t think we used you just for that. And Natsu we never told you because we knew you’d be against the idea.” She turned to him, he looked like he was going to protest before he sighed and agreed with her.  
Yeah, he would have gone back sooner and dragged Gray out of there on his own if he knew. He just wished she wasn’t right about it.  
“Anyway back to the point. We eventually found something and ended up at an abandoned city Minstrel. 400 years ago it was abandoned after an unregistered incident that occurred in the university that was there. All students, teachers and anyone within a 1-mile radius were killed.”  
“And let me guess, Zeref was the unregistered incident.” Gray added.  
“We decided to take a look. As it turns out he was a student and well, his name is written as _Zeref Laika_ though in school records. They’re not so easy to find as expected. Except before the age of eight, he didn’t seem to exist, which made us think that he wasn’t originally from there.” She paused the facts were all jumbled and as expected Erza and Gray looked confused. So she went from the start even if it was things they already knew. “He has a curse known as the contradictory curse. He lost his brother when he was seven. He was a prodigy of the school and the university took him in. The university has most of his works buried deep into the system but we managed to find them. The books told us his name is Zeref Dragneel. He got the curse for trying to revive his brother, not for actually reviving him. Laika was the last name of the man who was his main guardian and a teacher of the school. Finally, he was from somewhere in the Pergrande Kingdom.” 

It suddenly became a history lesson and Gray didn’t like where it was going. 

“As you’ve already figured, the R-system and Eclipse were made to revive Natsu.” That whole statement sounded odd as the words left Jellal’s mouth, he also didn’t like that he was talking about Natsu as if the boy wasn’t here. Yet, when he looked over to him he seemed fine and a little relieved he wasn’t the one explaining all this so he continued.  
“Well, it seems he spent a lot of time with the fascination of life and death. In this city, they worshipped a God named Ankhseram, the God of Life and Death.”  
“You think he angered the God and was cursed?” Erza asked.  
It terrified them all slightly. Now Gods were involved? More importantly, they exist!? “Possibly.” He proceeded, “It took some time but, we found the original text on the creation of the books of Zeref. Or Etherious as he calls them known. I guess this was after he got the curse and wanted to die. We learnt that the demons are created from pure ether particles. Meaning they don’t have souls, they really can’t be saved. But, E.N.D is different. Zeref used the body of his dead brother. Meaning E.N.D is somewhat human.”  
Natsu flinched at the ‘somewhat’ part. He understood that Jellal was being honest. Didn’t mean he had to like it though.   
Gray, on the other hand, saw it as that Natsu could be saved. He wasn’t completely an etherious form which could mean he isn’t fully tied to Zeref right? Judging from the look on the faces of the others, Natsu’s included, they’d already reached the same conclusion. The only answer they still needed to find was how they manage that.  
“I don’t know if the voice is the etherious though.” Natsu suddenly said. Gray heard Cobra sigh, and judging from the tired way he said the boy’s name, they’ve clearly had this conversation before.   
“I wasn’t exactly going to be okay with dying y’know.” Gray snorted at the obvious statement.  
“I’d be concerned if you were. But you’re clearly trying to make a point here.” He said.  
“I think- I think it’s still me. I think the etherious _just_ brought me back. Not create some new personality.” He paused for a moment before saying something so nonchalantly it gave Gray whiplash. “I wasn’t exactly revived after a day. I don’t know exactly how long it was. But one minute I’m like four and Zeref if seven and the next I’m _still_ four and he looked like eighteen but had clearly been eighteen for a while.”  
“It doesn’t change what we should do Natsu.” Cobra broke the brief silence, “I’ve told you this and I’ll tell you again. You’re not a bad person. If it’s just another part of you then we just have to tell that Natsu to stop being an idiot.” His hand has firmly wrapped around Natsu’s wrist and there was a collection of unspoken words said between them.  
 **He’s lying.** _  
_(Shut up) _  
_Natsu’s eye twitched slightly which caused Erik to hold tighter. It was something that went unnoticed by the rest of the group as they talked about where to go from there. The fire mage subtly looked at him with the words thank-you in his mind.  
 **Freedom is not a thing that exists in this world remember that.** _  
_(I’m okay. It’s okay. I’ll be okay.)  
 **Don’t fool yourself.** _  
_(Fuck off shithead.)  
“Ignore him okay. Focus on what’s in front of you.” Erik whispered which seemed to send the voice away for a while.  
Natsu looked at the others, he could see them talking but wasn’t really paying attention to what was actually being said. He looked at Gray who sent him a warm smile. He found himself smiling back, not his usual grin but there was a smile there. He felt warm for the first time in a while. He wasn’t okay. But he felt assured and safe knowing he wasn’t alone either.

_They’d arrived at Pergrande a few days ago and had booked into the local inn near a dock town they found. Gildarts told him he’d visited the country a few times, he always said there was a sad beauty too it. Natsu never understood what that meant until he found himself there. Just outside the small village, past the small forest, there was an endless field of red poppies. There had definitely been a war here. There’d been wars in Ishgar, but there was something about seeing a field of blood-red flowers that hid the moss-covered bones and rusted armour that hit differently. Ishgar’s wars existed mostly in books now. But looking now, it was really just Fiore's wars. Pergrande's was still in view._

_It was still a few hours before sunrise but he found himself unwilling to fall back to sleep so he decided to take a closer look at the field which had a river run through the middle of it which ended with a small pond. Natsu sat on a large rock, the water was clear enough that even under the grey moonlight he could see the various fish still swimming around in their own world.  
 **Why don’t you finish what someone clearly started?  
** (No.)  
 **Burn it all.  
** (Stop.)  
 **Kill them.**_ **  
**_“Shut. Up.” Natsu realised he’d spoken out loud and quickly looked around to see if anyone had seen.  
He was about to be relieved until he saw Cobra_ _come out of the woods, if he was concerned or scared he didn’t show it. But given how good his hearing is Natsu knew he’d definitely heard him. His only saving grace what that Cobra had likely heard the conversation in his head too, so he understood that Natsu wasn’t completely insane.  
Okay, maybe he was. He had a voice telling him to kill everything.  
“Stop thinking so much.” He sat down next to him as the rock was large enough for both of them, although they were almost touching shoulders. “I thought you were good at not thinking and being an idiot.”  
“Shut up.” He said the slight smile he had betrayed any potential annoyance.  
Natsu didn’t know how he’d reached this point with the other dragon slayer. At some point, they’d somehow become genuine friends. They’d fight, tease and comfort one another. He kind of reminded him of Gray, they weren’t un-similar, they weren’t the same either of course.  
He wondered what Gray was up to right now?  
 **He’s probably forgotten about you.  
** Natsu curled in on himself and grabbed his hair forgetting the other's presence.  
 **How about you just die again. Not like you should be here anyway.  
No one would care.  
They’d probably be grateful.  
**“-tsu? Natsu? Hey.”  
Natsu felt two warm hands on his face, he hadn’t even realised he’d closed his eyes, when he opened them, he was met with one deep pool of purple that stared back at him in concern while the other eye remained shut.  
“You with me?”  
“Sorry.”  
“I told you not to apologise for that just take a deep breath okay.”  
He did as he was told as the other dragon slayer perched himself back on the rock. They sat in silence looking at the pool for a while. It was a nice silence.  
“Erik?”  
“Hmm?”  
“I’ll be okay right?”  
“Yeah, you will. Just don’t shut me out again and promise you’ll go back to the guild when we’re done here yeah?”  
“I promise.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So NatsuXCobra?  
> I don't ship them but as I was writing it kinda just happened like I didn't even plan it lol. It's funny really cause I was skimming through the original version and this section didn't have much to it at all. Not to mention that the only ship I hint at throughout is NatsuXLucy and GajeelXLevy but years later and I have evolved to having big gay brain so here we are lmao. As canon yeah it wouldn't work but this is my thing and I'll do what I want Imma a bad bitch you can't kill me. ;p  
> It'll just be a background thing and just as flashbacks if I do talk about it further but I am curious as to what y'all think and if anyone does genuinely ship them (I guess I should update the tags too) ??


	6. Conflict 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was late afternoon when all the core members sans the master and Gildarts were there. With some hesitation Erza explained everything, it was mostly a blur to Natsu as he sat quietly with Happy on his lap and looked around the room to see everyone watch the red-head intently. Eyes widened, mouths opened in shock. Minds processed. The only thing Erza left out much to his surprise was the voice and that he’d lost control at one point. As much as he appreciated it, he would have to ask her why later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on a roll so surprising here we are already with a new chapter. Oh and there is a little (and I mean little) nsfw talk from Cana, but I do have this tagged a mature for a reason so I shouldn't have to mention it really but thought I'd at least give you the heads up. Enjoy!

Once they’d cleared things up and had a general chat over more tea, the three eventually made their way to leave. They only came for clarification and to make sure that everything would work itself out. Erza reassured them that they would make it work and fix this, she hadn’t ignored the way Cobra still held Natsu’s wrist or how at one point Natsu’s head had been on his shoulder. She also hadn’t ignored the way Gray had looked hurt by the actions. It might have not been that deep if it wasn’t for the brief flash of annoyance in Natsu’s eyes she’d seen at one point, which had followed with Cobra whispering something in his ear causing the other to relax.  
The other group said they would leave shortly after and meet up with the rest of their small guild. There was still a war to prepare for, unfortunately.

The three walked in a tense silence for a while. Considering they’d been up all night Erza surprisingly didn’t feel tired and was willing to ignore the thought of an impending war for the time being. While a lot had been answered in that time, she also left with new questions.  
What is the voice saying?  
What did Cobra say to bring you back?  
What is going on between you and Cobra? _  
_ “I know its morning n’all but I’m not dealing with a bunch of hungover idiots so uh I think I’m gonna head home and get some sleep.” Gray spoke first which broke the tension. “I’ll see you both later.” He waved as he walked off.  
Natsu felt something was off with him and for a moment wondered if he should have followed him, but decided to leave it for now, he was probably just tired he thought.  
Now it was just the two of them Erza took her chance.  
“So, uh, what was that about?” She asked.  
“He’s probably just tired I dunno.” Natsu shrugged as he hid the slight worry in his face.  
“I didn’t mean Gray Natsu. I think you knew that.” She gave him a sly smirk. Yeah, he knew. They’d been subtle at first, but after a while of talking and the voice getting louder, they’d clearly fallen into certain habits that would look odd to anyone who didn’t know about Natsu’s breakdowns.  
Right, that. He said he heard a voice, but never really explained further than that.  
“Oh. Yeah. It was just, the voice. I guess talking about everything made it kinda hard to ignore.” They’d taken a seat on a bench by the Sakura tree near the centre of town. The sun was still coming up tainting everything it a light bronze. There was an occasional shop worker or dog walker out, but the world was still mostly quiet.  
Erza hummed waiting for him to say more.  
“He just knows I guess. He can’t hear exactly what it's saying, just he knows when it’s there.” That explains the annoyance she sometimes saw she thought.  
“I think there’s more than that.” She said with a knowing smile.  
“Huh?” He had looked at her expecting her to answer but she didn’t. Why did she say that? He and Erik were just friends. Sure they’d done stuff that friends didn’t do but-  
Fuck. Yeah, they weren’t just friends. But they weren’t exactly a _thing_ either. 

_The four of them walked down the dirt path, Natsu saw the occasional cobblestone which made him wonder if this used to be an actual path. It was clearly unused these days, maybe by the occasional traveller.  
“You sure you’re okay with this?” Cobra had hung back with him while Jellal and Meredy had led the way. “I saw how you were back in that valley town so don’t lie to me Natsu.”  
“I mean I couldn’t lie if I even tried with you.” Natsu huffed. “But seriously I’m fine.” He shot him a toothy grin which unfortunately faltered when he heard it again.  
**Liar.  
**Erik ignored the way Natsu slightly flinched, if it got worse then he’d intervene but the boy didn’t need coddling, Erik wasn’t the emotional type anyway, at least not usually but this flame brained idiot had definitely made him softer and he hated that he liked that.  
“I will be fine.” Natsu eventually said admitting defeat. “So don’t worry about me ‘k Erik?” He smiled again.  
Natsu Dragneel was probably going to be the death of him. _

“It’s really not what you think Erza. We’ve just been through a lot. Which sounds weird I _know_ , cause I’ve been through a lot with you guys too. But its- _different_.” What he meant was Erik had seen his darkest moments. He wasn’t ready to tell Erza or anyone really, but he knew at some point he’d probably have to.  
Erza in a way seemed to understand, Natsu had said they’d gone to his home which judging from the fact that Zeref had ended up in Ishgar around when he was eight and had a different last name, and the more glaring fact that Natsu had died, it clearly wasn’t a place that existed on Maps anymore because it was likely abandoned. She could tell on the expression on his face when they’d mentioned it that there was a story to tell, he just wasn’t ready to tell it yet.  
“I won’t force you to talk Natsu. Just know that when you’re ready to I’ll be here to listen. I’m sure the others will be too.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it slightly. Natsu visibly relaxed at the touch.  
“I promise I will. I mean in nothing that will add much when it comes to this war. Just- personal stuff really. I know everyone is worried about me. Hell Cana was wasted last night and she knew something was up!” He laughed a little. The drunk had not only figured out that something had happened in the last year, but also figured that he had a slight crush on a certain ice mage. He also knew that despite being drunk, Cana would remember and would definitely be hounding him for details later.  
“We should probably explain everything soon. Especially since we don’t know where Gramps is.” He added.  
“Later today. I’m worried about him and I’m worried the longer we leave it, the harder it’ll be.” She said.  
Natsu frowned, he didn’t know if he was ready for that. But then again, he knew he would never be ready. Fairy Tail was his family, they wouldn’t abandon him, would they?  
**They’ll kill you.  
**(They care about me)  
**They’ll be afraid of you.  
**(I’m still me.)  
**Are you?  
**His eyebrows furred as he thought about it. Natsu didn’t really know _what_ to think to that. He looked over to the redhead. He sighed. She’d clearly noticed his change of mood.  
“Natsu-”  
“I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m fine.” He cut her off and stood up. “We should probably make sure the guild is still in one place. I also kinda want some breakfast.” He’d shot a small smile as he quickly changed the subject and luckily she’d gotten the hint. He knew she’d only want to talk about it later though.  
**Assuming your guildmates having killed you by then.  
**It was going to be a long day he thought.

The day dragged in a blur, come lunch and most of the guild was up, some, however, had headed home to properly recover. Erza had already explained to everyone that she needed them all to return later because they had to talk. They were a little confused by how serious she sounded (well Erza was always serious but she hadn’t hidden her worry which is what made them concerned), Natsu hadn’t really listened to any of it though as the voice was getting loud again.  
**You’re fake.  
Liar.  
Monster.  
Demon-  
DemonDemondemondemonde-  
**“Okay, so I know something up.” A voice made go quiet again, but his head was starting to hurt. “-but I’m guessing it’s whatever Erza wants to talk about because you, Gray, Lucy and Juvia are acting weird. Wendy, Carla and Happy are too. So I ain’t gonna ask ‘bout that right now.”  
“M’fine. Just a headache.” He hadn’t lifted his head from the table but he knew it was Cana. “I’d ask if you drank too much, but I know you did ‘cause I saw you leave with Erza and Gray last night so I know you didn’t. Unless-” He could _feel_ the smile on her face. That caused his head to jolt up, a little too quickly though as his head only hurt more as a result.  
“Oh fuck no you are _not_ going there.”  
“The fact that you know what I was even _suggesting_ tells me you at least thought about it. I know you Natsu Dragneel and I _know_ you’re not that dense.”  
Natsu’s face turned the same colour as his hair.  
“I blame you.” He grumbled.  
“So you _have_ thought about it.” She cackled. “You got taste at least.”  
“Oh my god, we are _not_ having the conversation.”  
“Add Lucy to it too?”  
Natsu groaned at her teasing as he slammed his head against the bar table.  
“Cana I think you’re going to kill him.” Mira had walked over, her words only adding fuel to the fire.  
“Nah I think Gray-” Before she could finish Natsu had slapped his hand over her mouth, which of course she licked and he’d let go as a natural reaction.  
“Why are you like this?” She merely laughed in response, Mira was giggling knowing full well what Cana was about to imply. Mira might look like the innocent type, but she probably had the dirtiest mind in the whole guild.  
“I’ve seen you two dance around each other for years, the least I’m allowed to do is tease.” Cana kept laughing. “Besides I don’t blame you. I’ve _definitely_ thought about it.”  
“You’re unbelievable.”   
“A girl wants what she wants.” She shrugged.  
“Erza’s like a sister to me so gross. No. Stop.” He clarified before Cana got more vulgar. “Lucy’s a good friend. I mean yeah I liked Lucy at some point but-” He looked over to the blonde who was talking with Levy, there was too much noise to really hear what they were saying though.  
“She’s not _him_.” Mira interrupted.  
“Yeah.” He said maybe a little too softly as he ignored the knowing glances to two girls gave each other.  
“A little birdy tells me you have a _type_.” Cana suddenly said causing Natsu to splutter.  
“Haa-”  
“I met up with Sho at some point. He said he’d run into you and a certain _other dragon slayer_.”  
This caused Mira to lean in.  
“Natsu have you been hiding someone from us?” Mira asked with a evil smirk on her face before she got called over by Laxus for something and left.  
“I won’t question what you were doing with some of Crime Sorciere since I have a feeling it’ll be explained later.” Natsu hadn’t thought about that actually, he should probably mention that he’d spent most the year with them. It wasn’t overly important really, but he wanted his friends to trust him.  
“He mentioned you and Cobra seemed awfully close though and you were calling him Erik.” He was expecting her to tease but when he glanced over she looked serious and concerned?  
“Can we talk about it later?” He asked, he knew right now he could really talk about it without explaining everything, so they could talk after.  
**That’s if she’ll even want to be your friend later.  
**(Fuck off)   
Cana had always been the one to talk to about these things. When he first realised he wasn’t completely straight, she was the one to calm him down. She knew when to tease him and when to not and he the same. That was just how their friendship was.  
Luckily she’d gotten the hint and nodded.  
Yeah. They’d talk later.  
**She won’t care later.**

It was late afternoon when all the core members sans the master and Gildarts were there. With some hesitation Erza explained everything, it was mostly a blur to Natsu as he sat quietly with Happy on his lap and looked around the room to see everyone watch the red-head intently. Eyes widened, mouths opened in shock. Minds processed. The only thing Erza left out much to his surprise was the voice and that he’d lost control at one point. As much as he appreciated it, he would have to ask her why later.  
Natsu wasn’t sure what they all thought when she finished talking. The hall had gone eerily silent. Speechless and Fairy Tail were not words that went together and yet here they were.  
The longer the silence continues to more he just wanted to get up and leave, until he felt warm arms wrap around him and Mira’s soft voice talking.  
“Don’t think for a second that you’re alone Natsu. You’re the glue that keeps us together. We wouldn’t be here without you so don’t think we’ll abandon you. We’re family after all.” She pulled away and smiled at him.  
“Man we really know how to throw ourselves in the middle of it all huh.” A deeper voice, Macao, said from behind with a lightness to his voice Natsu hadn’t expected.  
“Aye!” Happy chirped.  
When he looked around he could see people were still processing which explained the silence. It was a lot really to be fair. Although people like Levy and Cana were actually thinking about what to do next and how to keep him safe. Natsu wouldn’t find that out until later though.  
No one looked angry or scared of him though.  
He felt a hand ruffle his hair.  
“We protect our own no matter what Natsu, you of all people should know that by now.” He looked up to see the tall blonde smile at him. “You didn’t give up on me when you probably should have. I owe you a lot for that.” Laxus said.  
Natsu wanted to cry, but he also wanted to tell them they’re being stupid, that they should leave him, and that he didn’t belong here.  
But they didn’t accept that.  
What?  
_Oh_.  
He realised he _had_ just said all that out loud.  
Natsu ended up crying in the end after all and for once he couldn’t hear the voice at all.  
Then came another night of drinking of course.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” Natsu passed Erza a drink as he sat in-between her and Gray. He hadn’t actually seen the other boy all day, something was on his mind and Natsu was going to find out what. Later though. He still needed to talk to Cana.  
“I saw how uncomfortable you were with just telling me and Gray about it and I’m confident that even with that their reaction wouldn’t have been much different than what it was. But I know everyone can be a little overbearing and I think some of them would unintentionally treat you like glass and I know how much that would annoy you. I know it would annoy me.” She said.  
“Oh.”  
“I know it’s not easy for you, but I’m trusting you to tell people. I’m not expecting it to be everyone obviously. But, well-”  
“It would be easier.” Natsu finished. He understood what she was implying. He knew she meant no malice by it purely from the fact she didn’t want to say it.  
“I hate to say it Natsu but just me and Erza knowing about the possibility of you losing control isn’t easy.” Gray said bluntly. Natsu could help but feel like he was pissed at him for something. Maybe he was still angry about him actually considering joining Zeref? That was understandable he guessed. Didn’t excuse him ignoring him all day though.  
“I told Happy earlier. I don’t think he really understood, but he seemed okay about it just worried about me.” Happy hadn’t really left him after that. Natsu could help but feel a little guilty he hadn’t told his best friend about any of the last year, he was surprised the exceed wasn’t pissed at him, but instead, he said: _“It was something you needed to do without me and its okay because I trust you.”_ Natsu felt more guilt pang in his chest at that.  
“Cana wants to talk later.” He looked over to see the brunette making Lucy flustered, which was a surprisingly normal sight to see. It was also the first time in weeks he’d seen Lucy look relaxed. “I’ll tell her and Lucy later.” He and Lucy hadn’t really talked since coming back, they hadn’t intentionally avoided each other, it was just one of those things that happened. He wanted his friend back though.  
A small part of him also just wanted to get back at Cana.  
“I think maybe Laxus should know too.” He added. “But I’ll figure it out tomorrow.” On paper, Erza had been decided as the guild master for the time being, but deep down they all knew that Laxus was equally fitting for the role especially in the long run. He just didn’t want it right now. Laxus in a way had also become like an older brother to him and if Natsu was going to lose control he owed it to the man to at least warn him of such.  
He didn’t want to accept the possibility of losing it again, but it felt inevitable. Every day he could hear the voice in his head getting louder and the darkness drowning him to the point it was suffocating. What he was doing with his family now was just stalling.  
He just wanted more time with them though.

It wasn’t long before Cana had motioned him to join her and Lucy. Around the same time Gray had been swept off by Juvia and Erza had gone to join Wendy, Gajeel and the three exceeds.  
“Are you ever sober?” He asked as he sat next to the blonde.  
“Get on my level pinkie.” She said sliding a cup of ale in front of him. He wasn’t going to get drunk but tipsy would be fine.  
“Natsu don’t encourage her.” Said Lucy who was clearly tipsy herself. It amused him how much of a lightweight she was. But then again she didn’t grow up in the guild.  
“Trust me Luce, she doesn’t need the encouragement.” He smirked. Lucy giggled as they looked at the girl in question to see her hugging a whole ale barrel.  
“You gonna marry it?” He mocked.  
“Treats me better than you two meanies.” She glared jokingly at the two who laughed at her.  
“You feeling any better Natsu?” While Cana snuggled. Yes. _Snuggled_. Into her barrel. Natsu turned to Lucy who smiled warmly at him.  
It was strange to think he had feelings for her at one point.  
“Actually yeah.” For once that wasn’t a lie. “I mean there’s some stuff Erza didn’t mention to everyone though. I kinda want to tell you.” He looked at Cana who had been paying attention surprisingly, it amazed him how quickly she could sober up. “Both of you. And yeah Cana it relates to the _other thing_ you mentioned this morning.” Cana smiled devilishly at that.  
“Oh, my dear innocent little Natsu. What _other thing_ must you be talking about.” She knew exactly what she was doing. The bitch. Lucy looked confused.  
“I hate you.” He grumbled.  
“What did I miss?” Lucy had a smile on her face picking up on Cana’s teasing.  
“Our little Natsu isn’t dense or innocent like everyone thinks.”  
“Pfft. I knew that.” Lucy said which actually shocked Cana.  
“Oh?”  
“Ha okay. No. I am not giving you more ammunition. I think you’re forgetting what you told _me_ as well Cana. You too Luce.” He eyed the two girls who suddenly looked embarrassed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He laughed.  
“Seriously though.” Lucy diverted. “What did I miss?”  
“Mayhaps Natsu got some while he was away?” And once again he’d lost the upper-hand.  
Lucy sputtered and nearly knocked her drink over.  
“W-what!?!?” Lucy didn’t know what she’d expected but that wasn’t it.  
“Oh my god.” He was ready to die.  
“Am I wrong?” Cana asked.  
He sighed. No. No, she wasn’t exactly wrong. His silence gave them both the answer as well.  
“In all seriousness though there is a story to it and I’m not talking about it here.” His voice levelled out which gave Cana enough of a hint.  
“My apartment. Alcohol and snacks. Yeah?” She got to business quickly. Lucy seemed to understand and went into the kitchen to take some food, while obviously Cana prioritised the alcohol and they made their way over to Fairy Hills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there was a lot more to this but it was getting ssuuper long so I've decided to split it up, there's more to write on the now next chapter but don't be surprised if I end up posting tomorrow as well. The next chapter will be a Natsu, can and lucy girls night with a backstory of Gray and Natsu's relationship and more NatsuXCobra. Yeah I didn't expect it, but I'm invested now and I don't want to just write angst which is pretty much what the original version was and I think it ruined it. So fluff and slight nsfw talk inbound in the next chapter


	7. Conflict 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy had spent most of her life thinking of the family business, only to run away to avoid a forced marriage and join the guild which has been a wild ride so far. While Cana and Juvia have teased her here and there, she couldn’t really understand with what Natsu was feeling. Sure she had a minor crush on him at some point, but it wasn’t long before she realised she simply admired him but from a relationship standpoint she’d understood that it wasn’t a romantic admiration. She told Cana as such and surprisingly the girl had understood. Aside from that, she hadn’t really had the chance to stop and think about love and all that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally part of the last chapter but as you can see it is a long boi.  
> Natsu is kinda out of character here, but I did say that I would change him up a bit because I feel like there wasn't much to work with Canon Natsu's personality when it came to relationship and identity talk. And yeah I kinda wanted to actually address some identities here hope y'all are okay with that. 
> 
> Also, this fic originally was angst heavy and while I will still be bringing the angst I wanted some fluff first.  
> And sorry I got a bit memey in places. If it existed in the fairy tail universe I headcanon Cana as being a B99 fan and a Rosa stan don't fight me on that. 
> 
> FYI there is a little NSFW talk but like I mentioned in the last chapter this is rated mature so I shouldn't have to warn you. I'm not that sort of writer so I'd never actually write about sex but just imply that sex occurred that's all so there's that :)
> 
> Enjoy

“So who else knows about this?” Lucy asked as she poured took the chips out of the oven and put them into a bowl.  
They sat in the common area the girls had so they could cook some of the food. Seeing as everyone had only just got back, none of the girls had shopped for any food yet, hence why they took some from the guilds kitchen instead. Seeing as everyone else was at the guild and would likely be there all night Natsu figured he’d get the hard part out of the way. They’d taken it surprisingly well even if they were now worried about him. The voice had remained quiet so far, he hoped it stayed like that for the rest of the night.   
“Gray and Erza. Happy. Oh and Crime Sorciere.” The oddball group had been surprisingly warm towards him when they found out. It was nice. “I only told happy today though. Gray and Erza found out last night.”  
“Is that where you guys disappeared off to then?” Asked Lucy. Natsu felt a little guilty she hadn’t been brought along.  
“We went to talk to Jellal, Meredy and Erik.” The last part got a slight gasp of Cana.  
“Oh my god Sho really wasn’t lying.” She laughed at Natsu’s bright red face which actually did lighten the mood after the serious conversation. He hated the teasing but right now he was grateful for it. Lucy immediately picked up what she was getting at going off the earlier conversation.  
“Aw, Natsu I think it’s cute.” The blonde patted his back gently as he held his face in embarrassment. He could hear the smirk in Lucy’s face, however.  
“I’m guessing _this_ part is what Cana wanted to talk about.” Said Lucy as she tried not to laugh.  
“This boy BONED!” Cana shouted as Natsu swatted at her.  
“I hate you so, so much.”  
“You love me!” She said as she pulled him into a tight hug as Lucy cackled in the background.  
“Ignoring Cana’s typical vulgar self despite her clearly not being wrong.” Natsu whined at that. “I’m guessing there’s more to it than that?”  
Cana let go of him and grabbed her drink and passed the other two theirs.  
Natsu shifted uncomfortably and rubbed the back of his neck before taking a sip of the wine.  
“Well, he was the one who found me in Alverez. I think I’d run into Meredy first but. Well, I kinda panicked. It was just after talking to Zeref…”

_Natsu’s mind was running a mile a minute. He could see it in Zeref’s eyes that there was no lie and when some of the memories were pushed into him it felt real.  
It was real.  
Playing in the garden with his brother. Zeref.  
His mum singing happy birthday to him.  
His dad laughing at him because he’d tried to pick up his sword that was three sizes too big for him.  
“Oof!” He faltered for a moment before looking at a familiar pink-haired girl. She was the one with Jellal right? What was her name again?  
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I- huh.” Their eyes met. “Natsu?” What was her name? Ultear? No that was the other one. Oh right!  
“Uh. Hey. Meredy right?” He was worried. If she was here was Jellal too? The rest of Crime Sorciere? He’d since heard the old Oracion Seis members had joined too. They couldn’t know. They would definitely kill him. No no no nonono. He had to run. Had to get out.  
“Why are you-”  
“I gotta go.” He ran. Natsu had no idea where exactly he was going, but he at least knew she hadn’t followed him.  
He ran and ran until the crowds disappeared and found a street that was practically empty. He felt like he was being dragged down into water and was gradually drowning with no one to rescue him. Maybe he should have brought happy. Maybe let Lucy have come too? He was alone and it was his fault. _

_“Letmedieletmedieletmedieletmedieletmedieletme-”  
He felt a warmth suddenly next to him and a muffled voice.  
“-tsu…”  
(Can’t breathe)  
“H y ro.”  
(Help)  
Suddenly there was a pressure on his wrist and it firm and gentle at the same time but he still flinched from the initial shock.  
“-need to breathe.” The voice became a little clearer, but his head felt like it was going to split as he grabbed tighter onto his hair, but the hand grabbed tighter in response to that. It was slight but enough to open his eyes and look at who was trying to help him. His eyes stung as he realised he’d been crying as well. He felt pathetic and even more so when he saw deep purple eyes look back at him with worry.  
“Cobra?” His voice cracked and he knew he hadn’t spoken very loud. Natsu suddenly felt tired, the sort of tiredness that seeped into your bones and wouldn’t go away in a night.  
“Oi Pyro. You with me?” Natsu felt his vision blur, he wasn’t sure if that was from the tears or the tiredness, at least not until he felt lightheaded. “Natsu? Hey you gotta breathe.” There was something about Cobra’s soft voice and the way he drew circles in his back that he found incredibly calming and he couldn’t tell if Cobra was winging it or had been in this position before. For now, he tried not to think and focused on the other voice and did as he was told.  
Breathe. Just breathe Natsu. Deal with the consequences later.  
“There we go.” After a while Cobra spoke. Natsu expected him to have left by now or at least sound annoyed but he didn’t. He sounded concerned. “Ready to tell me why you’re here alone pyro?”  
Right. He had good hearing so he probably already figured out Natsu wasn’t with anyone. He took a deep breath.  
“I uh.” He honestly didn’t know what to say. They had fought the last time they’d met, they weren’t friends. Not to mention he was still really processing it himself and he didn’t know if he wanted his friends to know.  
“I heard some of it. Enough of it.” Cobra said. “I want to hear it from you though.” He looked at Natsu with a sense of determination. Natsu was too tired to run away from this and Cobra had heard enough clearly that lying wasn’t an option either. So he spoke. Told him what Zeref had. Told him the offer that had been made and what he remembered about his family, which was not a great deal. He shook in fear as he practically rambled it all out barely taking a breath. Much to his surprised Cobra had sat on the dirty floor in the alleyway with him, continued to run circles in his back, still hadn’t let go of his wrist and didn’t interrupt him once.  
“Please don’t kill me.” He cried again.  
“I won’t need to at this rate if you don’t fucking breathe dumbass.” He responded.  
Natsu hadn’t expected that. He didn’t know if to be relieved by it.  
“Stop thinking. I won’t kill you and the others won’t either. What Zeref has done isn’t on you okay?”  
“But the r-system-”  
“Wasn’t your fault. I’m surprised you even knew I was a part of all that.” Natsu was surprised he remembered to be honest. Erza had briefly mentioned it. “Now I probably scared Sorano running off like that so come with me.” He said which only cause Natsu to curl in on himself and start shaking again.  
“They’ll kill me.” His voice was barely a whisper so quiet no normal person would have heard him. Suddenly, Cobra was in front of him with hands cupping Natsu’s face.  
“I’m not leaving you alone like this and I won’t let them hurt you. I promise.” There was a glint of something in his eyes, Natsu couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but he felt compelled to trust him and eventually followed him back to where their camp was on the outskirts of the city. _

Cana and Lucy had sat in silence the whole time while he explained that Erik had basically found him having a panic attack in the middle of the main city. He felt ashamed admitting that to them but he’d already gone so far he figured that he’d at least admit that to them. That and he was sure the alcohol had made him a little more lose lipped. That had definitely been Cana’s plan, albeit for other reasons. Which he probably would also get to eventually.  
“He just. Helped me. A lot.” Is how he summarised it, he knew Cana wanted more than that though.  
“I knew he had a soft side.” Cana practically squealed. They were both concerned at the fact he’d had a panic attack, no doubt more than once but Cana was good at focusing on the good. He knew her glossing over that fact wasn’t because she didn’t care. This was why he always liked talking to her.  
Lucy had looked like she wanted to mention it, but unknown to Natsu Cana had given her a subtle look to drop it. This is what these nights were for. To vent about relationships and crushes and discuss who would get with who and who was already getting it. She had learned in the last hour that Natsu and Cana had these nights every now and then. Sometimes Gray had joined. Sometimes it was one of the other girls from Fairy Hills. Minus Wendy because once she’d overheard and became incredibly flustered, which explained the one week Wendy couldn’t look at Natsu or Cana in the eyes the two had laughed it off though. It was moments like that she remembered they’d practically grown up together. Lucy only ever really saw Natsu be close with Gray and Erza from the original group, later her and Wendy. She saw Cana being closer to Gray, which still seemed to be the case, but clearly Cana and Natsu had, had a moment at some point and that had sealed the deal on their friendship. Lucy was a little curious and a part of her wanted to ask, but she also felt like it wasn’t her place.  
“Natsuuu you’re still not spilling here.” Cana whined as she poured more wine. They’d already gotten through three bottles. Most of it being Cana of course. Natsu definitely felt tipsy now though, Lucy’s flushed face told him that her moment of sobriety between leaving the guild and arriving at Cana’s had passed too.  
“Why do you care so much?” Natsu asked with defeat in his voice because he knew she’d won this one.  
“Because I’m tired of watching you and Gray. Or at the very least I’m tired of seeing Gray mess you around.” There was a flicker of anger in her eyes.  
“Wait, hold up.” Lucy piped in. “Natsu and Gray?!?”  
Right, Lucy didn’t know about that. Despite everyone thinking otherwise, it was _Lucy_ who was the naïve one of the group.  
“Oh, my dear Lucy are you in for a story.” She started. He was happy to let Cana take the reins on this one and shrugged when Lucy looked at him. “So Natsu here joined the guild about a year after Gray and immediately the two would start fighting.”  
“I’d have expected no less.” Lucy laughed to which Natsu pouted.  
“Well, it went on like that for a while. If Natsu wasn’t fighting Gray then he was off being a loner.”  
Lucy looked quite surprised at that, she could never imagine Natsu not trying to make friends or being alone.  
Except he had been alone when Cobra found him.  
“Then Lisanna joined and shortly after there was Happy. You know ‘bout all that right?” Lucy nodded, yeah Mira had told her a long time ago, and the two were close. Really close. Mira said that she thought if it wasn’t for Happy she thinks Natsu would have left the guild.  
But Lucy now learnt that it wasn’t Happy that had talked him around. It was Gray. It was always Gray apparently. This was Natsu’s queue to take over.  
“The first time was about a month after I joined the guild…”

_“Oi flame brain!” Gray shouted, but the pink-haired boy showed no reaction as he sat by the pond. He continued to lie in the grass looking up to the pale blue skies. “Hey don’t ignore me!” He stormed up to him, blocking out Natsu’s view.  
“What?” Natsu responded coldly.  
“What is your problem? You’re normally trying to hit me right now.” Gray frowned, he’d only known the other boy a few weeks, but it’d practically become routine now.  
“Well, maybe I don’t feel like it. Now leave me alone. I just got back from a job and I’m tired.” He sniffled, he’d been crying.  
“Eh?” He hadn’t known him long, but long enough to know this wasn’t normal. This was Erza all over again.  
Natsu had stood up and looked down as he walked away with his shoulder hunched. Gray couldn’t help but notice how tired the boy looked now that he had a closer look. It was like a dark cloud hung over him. Gray grabbed his arm before the boy could walk off.  
“What happened?” He asked softly.  
Tired green eyes looked at him.  
“No one believes me.” He said defeated. Gray knew what he was talking about. Natsu had said he was raised by a dragon. That was met with either adults saying they’ll find him with the undertone that they were just humouring. Something Natsu clearly understood because his face hadn’t lit up when they’d said that. Or it was people like Laxus who were just straight up about it and were a dick about it.  
Fuck Laxus.  
“I believe you.” He said like Natsu was stupid for thinking otherwise.  
“No you don’t. You just want me to shut up about it like everyone else.” He sniffled again.  
“Natsu I’ve seen some weird stuff. A dragon raising a brat like you wouldn’t be that far-fetched.”  
“M’not a brat.” He rubbed his eyes, but Gray had caught the small smile of his face. Good. It was a start.  
“I think Gramps believes you. I know Gildarts would. Oh! You haven’t met him yet! I think you’d really like him!” Gray smiled as Natsu’s eyes brightened and the two sat back down. They spent most of the afternoon with Gray talking about the strong mage.  
It was the most he’d ever heard Gray talk, he’d never seen him smile before either.  
He had a nice smile. Natsu thought. _

“By the way, it was only ever Laxus who didn’t believe you about Igneel.” Said Cana. “I think some were sceptical, but eventually they did believe you because the master did. As did my old man.”  
“I forget Laxus was a bit of a dick.” Said Lucy bluntly which shocked the other two. They’d never heard her talk like that. It was probably on par with Natsu being sassy or Erza getting flustered.  
“Man you weren’t here for peak dickhead Laxus!” Cana shouted a little louder than intended. Natsu hummed in agreement.  
“You mean that deal before the festival _wasn’t_ his peak?!?” She squealed.  
“No.” The other two deadpanned.  
“But that is a story for another time. Right now we’re talkin’ bout pinkie here. And I suppose before we talk about Snake boy, we should mention the Ice princess.” Cana devilishly smiled knowing full well Natsu would happily delve into how much of an arse Laxus had been over the years if it meant to avoid talking about his failed love life.  
“Right. Well. Like Cana had mentioned. I kinda wasn’t okay about what happened with Lisanna…”

_Natsu had been like this for days. Drifting in and out of the guild only for jobs and the occasional meal. Happy had said that while he’d gone on jobs with him, Natsu hadn’t really talked. He also didn’t think he’d slept much either, but when he tried to ask Natsu had snapped at him. That was the breaking point for Gray. Natsu would never have shouted at happy. The fact that he had just shown how much he was struggling with Lisanna’s death. They all were struggling really, it hadn’t happened before. Not in their time anyway. It’d been a shock to the system.  
Lisanna had brought Natsu out of his shell, something Gray had struggled to do himself and now he was watching the teen crawl back into it and he hated it. Gray felt he needed to do something. He’d tried the tradition of picking a fight with him. But, much to his dismay, Natsu would shrug off any attempts Gray made and walk off. _

_Gray once again found him by the pond._

_Natsu heard him approaching and flinched at the sudden sound of the other teen’s footsteps drawing near and his name being called out.  
“Can’t you leave me alone?” He sighed, he didn’t make any attempt to move this time however and remained staring across the pond.  
Gray didn’t respond, instead of his usual charade of movements and insults towards Natsu. He walked up to him and sat down next to him.  
This broke Natsu’s focus towards the family of ducks that were swimming on the other side of the pond.  
“What Gray?” He asked unamused by his sudden presence.  
“You’re being weird and stupid.” Gray frowned. “Talk shithead.” He said bluntly.  
“What are you talking about? And since when did you care anyway.” Natsu looked back at the ducks, but they’d ventured into the forest out of sight. He sighed again.  
“You’re doing it again.” Gray said.  
“Doing what?” He bit.  
“Shutting me out.”  
Oh.  
“The guild is family and as a family we’re supposed to look out for each other. I thought you’d learnt that by now from the old man or even Gildarts. We’re supposed to have each other’s backs Natsu.”  
Natsu stood up, he was pissed off.  
“Well, maybe I don’t want to be here!” He shouted causing a few nearby birds to fly off. “I’m not meant to be here! Family is a stupid thing to have because they’ll leave you and will probably give some crap about how it’s for the best. I don’t care! I hate this place. It’s not my family. I don’t have one.” He began to tremble. “I just want her to back.” He started crying a he sat back down in defeat and curled in on himself hiding his face.  
Natsu was always optimistic and full of determination, but this way of talking really threw Gray off, but he understood his feelings. This was clearly about something more than Lisanna.  
“Why.” His voice was muffled in his scarf, “Why does everyone leave me.”  
There it was.  
“I’m still here. Erza is too and Happy. We’re still here Natsu.”  
“For how long?” His voice trembled.  
“We’re not going anywhere.”  
“You don’t know that.”  
Gray didn’t know how to respond. He’d begun to realize that even after Natsu started becoming closer in the guild, he was trying to push himself away with the fights. He realized that like him, Natsu lived alone, but unlike Gray who’d grown to like it, Natsu didn’t want to be alone.  
Gray shuffled in front of him and put a hand in his pink hair which was surprisingly fluffy.  
“Idiot. You’re not alone, even if you don’t see it yet. The guild is family, it's home and when you realize that, when you realize that someone has your back and you can have theirs you won’t feel alone.” He smiled.  
Natsu calmed down a little but he was clearly still not okay.  
“But Igneel’s still gone. Lis- Lisanna she-” He chocked and didn’t finish the sentence. “I want to know where. I want to know why. Why? Why would he leave me? Why!?” His eyes were red from excessively trying to rub away the tears that wouldn’t stop streaming down his face.  
“Natsu calm down. Hey.” Gray pulled him into a hug. “Don’t push this on yourself. I’m sure there is a reason and for that reason, finding him won’t be easy. Even if he is a dragon. You shouldn’t give up. But you shouldn’t forget that just because he’s not around, you don’t have a family. Because you do and we’re not going anywhere.”  
They sat in silence for a while with Gray holding him and gently stroking his hair until his breathing had evened out.  
“Sorry.”  
Gray looked at him, Natsu looked lost, he also looked exhausted.  
“How ‘bout you come back to mine and you get something to eat and some sleep.” Gray didn’t really ask, but more told him. He hadn’t ignored how Natsu looked skinnier than usual, which was more concerning given Natsu was never much, to begin with.  
“Okay.” His voice croaked._

Natsu had somewhat skimmed the details. Or had at least _tried_ , he’d forgotten he’d told Cana and she’d filled in any gaps. Especially had that had been around the time he realised he’d liked boys, which surprisingly, it had _not_ been Gray to make him realise that.  
“Did you realise you liked Gray then?” Lucy asked, now fully invested, with only her second glass of wine in one hand and a chip in another.  
“Nope.” He said.  
“You see my dear Lucy. That moment happened when Natsu was still a sweet little boy.” Cana teased.  
 _Hoe don’t do it._ His eyes said, meanwhile she looked him right in the eyes with a big grin on her face and said, “Shortly after that Natsu had met a _boy_ on a job.”  
 _Oh my god.  
_ Lucy unexpectedly cackled at that, the alcohol clearly in her system now. Natsu hoped she’d drink enough that she’d remember nothing of this. He knew Cana would make her remember though. “Natsu I can’t believe you’ve been sleeping on all this.” Lucy pouted with no real malic in her voice.  
“I. Uh.” He eyed Cana, he knew exactly what words were about to come out of her mouth and before he could stop her she said it.  
“He had a crush on you.”  
 _Bitch._  
“Huh.” Lucy blinked. “Seriously?!?” Cana sat back and grabbed more chips to watch it all unfold. She was gonna pay for that at some point and she knew it.  
“Y-yeah. Kinda?” He felt his cheeks heat up.  
“Aww.” He was so glad she was drunk right now.  
“S-shut up.”  
“It’s cute getting you flustered.” Cana chimed in. “But moving on.”  
“Ugh.”  
“Natsu started to pick himself up again after his little chat with Gray and took a week to relax. Then he went off on his merry way with Happy on a job in Hargeon. Just a small thing, mostly because Gramps had banned him from doing anything too strenuous for the time being. There was a thief on the loose. Safe to say Natsu did a wonderful job catching him and breaking a wall in the process.”  
“As is the Natsu way.” Lucy giggled.  
“Shush you. You’re no better.”  
“I work with you, Gray and Erza all the time what did you expect!”  
“Anyway. So flame brain here destroyed a wall and…”

_Natsu looked at the thief on the ground, he was out cold and definitely not going anywhere anytime soon.  
“Natsu I think you overdid it a little.” Happy’s voice came from behind when he turned he saw the destroyed wall of someone’s house and what he assumed to be the owner stood looking dumbfounded at the damage.  
Shit.  
Granted it was pretty minimal compared to usual, but it didn’t make him feel any less guilty about it.  
“It’s great ‘n all you caught the guy but dude!” The guy spoke, he probably wasn’t much older than Natsu. Thankfully he didn’t sound too pissed. But he was understandably not happy either.  
“S-sorry.” Natsu stammered. Usually, by now, he would have high-tailed it back to the guild like pretty much every member had told him to do. Yet, he found himself just stood there with Happy looking at him waiting for the moment they start running.  
Instead, he walked over to the guy.  
“I really am sorry.” He smiled sheepishly.  
The guy looked at him and smiled. Yeah. He smiled! He had a nice smile he thought.  
“They how bout you help me fix it?” He asked.  
“I. Uh. I could do that.”  
“Natsu?” Happy spoke suddenly reminding the teen that he was still there.  
“Happy will you be alright heading back?”  
Happy had no idea what was happening, it wasn’t the first time he would head back on his own, Natsu would only do it if the job was near or in Magnolia though and it was usually only because Natsu had been roped in to helping the clear up, not offering. Sure the guy had asked, but Natsu had pretty much offered the opportunity.  
He’d have to ask him about it later. He was being weird right now and Happy didn’t know if that was good or bad. _

“I remember Happy coming back looking really confused. Everyone had panicked because with everything that had gone on not seeing you come back was worrying.” She paused before then laughing, “Then Happy just being all like ‘He offered to help! Why did he do that?! We never do that!’ I remember Macao being disappointed because- and in his words ‘unless it was a fit bird what’s the point in that’.”  
“Oh my god no.” Lucy laughed knowing where Cana was going with this.  
Natsu hid his face in embarrassment.  
“So what happened a few hours later you ask?” Lucy finished off the third glass not remembering when she’d even poured another drink and Cana opened the third bottle of the night, she’d been taking it slow because she really did want to talk to Natsu. She wanted him loose lipped not unresponsive.  
“Well, this panicked pink-haired boy comes running into my apartment freaking the fuck out.”  
“Fucking hell.” Natsu grumbled, but he could help but smile at the memory. It was pretty funny looking back, but at the time it was terrifying.

_Natsu had practically stormed into Cana’s room which caused the girl to jump as she stood in only her bra and underwear. Of course, he didn’t care, he’d seen her in a bikini plenty of time. Hell, he’d seen her naked before! But also he was freaking out.  
“Natsu what-”  
“Cana I think I fucked up.” He sat down on her bed and despite not actually saying what he was there for, they’d had enough talks about crushes and whatnot for the girl to know exactly why he was there, especially after what Happy had said back at the guild.  
“Does this call for alcohol?” She smirked now intrigued as he immediately nodded, it was rare for the boy to drink.  
So she grabbed the wine bottle from the bottom of her wardrobe and poured out two glasses. Natsu still preferred cider over anything else, but she had warmed him up to the white wine. It’d been a few months since their last night chat so she was looking forward to what the boy had to say.  
“So did he have a pretty sister or something?” She asked.  
“N-no.” He was embarrassed sure, but Cana swore she saw some fear there.  
“Then what happened?”  
“I kissed **him.** ”  
Oh.  
OH.  
That explained his meltdown.  
“Was he cute?” She winked.  
“W-wha. Cana I- I don’t.” He was scared. She could see that now and dropped the teasing and shuffled closer to him pulling him into a hug.  
“You know it’s alright you know.” She said. “I guess we don’t have normal lives so we don’t think about this stuff often so it’s understandable that when it’s slapped in front of you, you’ll freak out. But Natsu. It’s **okay**.”  
“But I heard- I heard-”He was sobbing now. He’d kissed Lisanna before although it was more a peck than anything. His first proper kiss was with Cana the first time he’d gotten drunk because he’d said he’d never really kissed anyone before (she said that was cute) so she said she’d kiss him and they did.  
But this wasn’t about the kiss itself.  
He’d kissed a **boy**. The boy had kissed him back and it had felt right.  
“I’ve kissed girls before you know.” Cana started talking. “It was two years ago and I’d gone to a party when I was on a job with Gray. We’d both gone. It was fun.” She said. _

_They had stayed up all night and talked about the girls Cana had kissed (and one she’d slept with) and Natsu talked about the guy and how he felt bad because after they’d kissed he’d freaked out and ran off. He felt better though._

“Did you see him again?” Lucy asked.  
Cana had played down the part about the meltdown because as much as she liked to tease the boy she wasn’t completely cruel.  
“Cana dragged me there the next day and we talked. We kept in touch for a bit-”  
“uh-huh. Bullshit. Lucy, they BONED.” Cana went back to teasing as Lucy spluttered on her wine. “If you’re gonna tell a story don’t skip the best parts Natsu.”  
“Fuck me.”  
“Oh he already did,” Cana smirked as Lucy tried to not choke on her drink.  
“And I always thought Gray was the naughty one.” Lucy laughed.   
“He is.” They both said in unison. Cana acted like a huge flirt but she wasn’t actually one for sleeping around and only known between the three of them (now four with Lucy too) it was Gray who had hooked up with the most people of both genders. They weren’t in any competition of course, but the rest of the guild had it all backwards and that amused Natsu and Cana to no end. So Lucy had learnt three surprising facts about her friends tonight.  
Gray slept around regardless of gender.  
Natsu wasn’t dense, naïve or innocent. He liked both guys and girls, but swayed more towards guys.   
And Cana was actually quite reserved, but often flirted with girls and guys. She preferred girls however.   
Gray was pansexual and Cana would say she was Bi, while Natsu preferred to not have a label, whether it was because he was still figuring it out or just didn’t care all that much Lucy didn’t know.  
The most amusing fact is that none of them hid these facts, but for whatever reason the older generations in the guild hadn’t noticed. Neither had Romeo or Wendy, but that was more understandable given how young they were.  
“Anyway, he moved away a few months later and we lost contact. It wasn’t a big deal and despite anything, Cana says it _really_ wasn’t a big deal.” Cana shrugged at that.  
“I guess you were just friends-with-benefits.” She said bluntly. But where was the lie? Lucy, the poor innocent one had gone bright red at that.  
Lucy shook away the embarrassment.  
“So when did you start liking Gray?” She asked, although the fact she was asking Natsu that still felt odd. The part about him liking guys didn’t change what she thought of him. Just the fact that he wasn’t actually dense and was capable of having a crush, and one on Gray of all people is what she was still processing. Never in a million years did she think she’d be here having this conversation with Natsu. Cana, sure. But never Natsu.  
“I don’t think I could really pick a moment to be honest. I uh. I dunno. It just sorta, happened?” He said, not sounding so sure of himself.

Lucy had spent most of her life thinking of the family business, only to run away to avoid a forced marriage and join the guild which has been a wild ride so far. While Cana and Juvia have teased her here and there, she couldn’t really understand with what Natsu was feeling. Sure she had a minor crush on him at some point, but it wasn’t long before she realised she simply admired him but from a relationship standpoint she’d understood that it wasn’t a romantic admiration. She told Cana as such and surprisingly the girl had understood. Aside from that, she hadn’t really had the chance to stop and think about love and all that.  
“I guess me and Cana were talking one night and she’d asked if I liked him as more than a friend and yeah.” His voice had gone soft, but Lucy could hear the sadness to it and going off from what Cana had said earlier about Gray messing him around, there was clearly another story to tell there.  
“I think he likes you back y’know. I would have never considered it before tonight but I think the last few weeks make a lot of sense now.” Lucy said.  
“Huh?”  
“Oh do tell.” Cana’s brows raised.  
“I mean we were all worried about you. But I think you forget, Happy spends a lot of nights either with me or Wendy and because it was just a small group of us we’d also spent a lot of nights together.” She pointed her finger at him, “The others definitely haven’t noticed, but me and Juvia know damn well you’ve been sleeping over a Gray’s.”  
Natsu’s face turned bright red.  
“N-nothing happened though!” His voice cracked in panic as Cana dramatically gasped.  
“Natsu Dragneel! You mean to tell me you’ve been having sleep-overs at Gray’s and you _didn’t_ tell me!?”  
“It- it wasn’t like that!” Natsu flustered. “I- I uh. I wasn’t sleeping much and um. He knew I guess so he suggested staying over like when we were kids.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.  
Oh right, that made sense. Lucy thought. She remembered after the first few weeks how pale and tired he looked and how often he’d fallen asleep at the guild and they’d struggled to wake him.  
“Sorry I should have known.” She said.  
“Wha- Luce no. No it's okay. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. Gray practically carried me back a few times and hadn’t really given me a choice.”  
“Did that make you happy?” It sounded like Cana was teasing, but when Natsu looked at her, she looked genuine about it.  
“Y-yeah. He calmed me down. And I’m not really getting nightmares anymore and I don’t always stay at his by the way.” He swiftly added. The two girls didn’t look so sure but nodded. Natsu was rarely sleeping alone. Lucy wondered if he got nightmares before the whole Zeref talk since he’d often stay at hers too. Natsu rarely stayed at his own place as though he hated it.   
“I don’t think he likes me like that though Luce.” He frowned.  
“Why?”   
Natsu and Cana shared a glance.  
“You saw how he was with Juvia right?” Cana asked.  
“You mean how he’d flat out reject her. Yeah, I don’t think Juvia’s a prob-”  
“It’s not that I think he likes her. Definitely not now. Juvia told me they’re just friends and I believe her. But for every rejection he gave her, he’d then do something that would say otherwise.” Said Cana, as Natsu quietly finished off his glass and poured them all more, finishing off the fifth bottle.  
“Well, he kinda did the same with me.” Natsu said. “At first I thought that maybe it was just ‘cause he wasn’t into girls and I was willing to move on. It was also ‘cause it was still kinda new to me really as well so I kinda just left it for a while.” He frowned. “After Lisanna we got closer. We’d had moments before but it would be one deep chat like once every few years at best and we’d go back to normal y’know. But I uh, started staying at his or he’d come over and cook ‘cause I kinda got into a bad habit of not eating and only making Happy food.” He cringed as he said all this now remembering how bad he’d really been. “He really helped me. But then once I seemed better, and he heard about me and the guy from Hargeon he went back to his usual loner self.”  
“Was he jealous?” Asked Lucy.  
“We thought that, but Cana got it out of him that if I’m better then I don’t need to be babied. I was kinda pissed about that. But also he’d started distancing himself before he found out about it. So no, I don’t think he was jealous. Even if he was, doesn’t excuse being a dick.” Lucy wondered about it, she hadn’t grown up with then, so before she joined she doesn’t really know what they were like. But that sounded harsh even for Gray. She’s also learnt that Gray’s the sort of person who would try and intentionally push people away to avoid commitment though. He’s gotten better at it, but this makes her want to talk to the ice mage at some point.  
“Which brings us to around the time you joined.” Cana interjected.  
“Huh?” She looked up from her glass now noting that she should probably take some water for a bit if this conversation were to be remembered tomorrow. She wanted to remember it so she could help her best friend.  
“Only Cana, Mira and Happy knew about it, hell not even Erza knew. But um, when you joined. Me and Gray weren’t exactly on the best terms. To be honest I think Erza _had_ picked up on it, which is why she asked us to make a team over the Lullaby incident.”  
“I thought the hostility was normal for you guys?” Lucy cocked her brows in confusion.  
“In a way, to the guild it was. I think if Erza hadn’t been on and off jobs so much she would have noticed since we would have hung out. But stuff happened.”

_“What the fuck Gray!?” Natsu stormed up to the ice mage who was walking by the local park.  
“What pyro?” Gray was apprehensive, Natsu sounded genuinely pissed which was surprisingly rare.  
“I did not need to be babied.” He shouted as Gray stood there dumbfounded.  
“Wha-”  
“And what? Because you’ve decided I’m okay that was it? Job done?”  
Cana had clearly said something, could that girl not keep her mouth shut.  
“T-that’s not what I meant!” He found himself shouting back he was grateful it was early and there was only a dog walker who had quickly hurried off noting the tension. “But it’s not like you need looking after just because you’re being mopey I’m sure your fuck toy can handle that!”  
Gray’s eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to say that. Why the fuck did he say that! He could see the hurt in Natsu’s face.  
“Nat-”  
“Fuck you.” He stormed off before Gray could say anything. _

“We argued. Then didn’t really talk for a while. Then you joined and we’re practically forced together.” Erza definitely knew. It was obvious she didn’t know what, she didn’t know about the boy in Hargeon, she didn’t know exactly how bad Natsu had been over Lisanna as she’d distracted herself from it. And she didn’t know what Natsu and Gray’s fight was about.  
But she _knew_ they did have a serious fight and she knew they weren’t talking. That was enough for her to intervene.  
“Happy told me for your sake to get along and yeah, I thought that it wouldn’t have been fair on you. I guess Gray had the same thought. I kinda wanted to talk, but it was just one thing after another with the guild and now here we are.”  
“Oh.” Lucy didn’t know whether to be grateful or sad that the two hadn’t actually addressed the issue because of her.  
“What about you and Gray?” She turned to Cana who was downing another drink, Lucy had lost count a while go how many they’d had at this point.  
“He was pissed I’d spoken to Natsu, but I called him out on his bullshit and told him to apologise we’ve been okay since. When you two were getting along again I thought he had. I mean the last time we had a chat like this Natsu was just before the S-Class exam and you never mentioned Gray.” She sent a cunning look between the two.  
Yeah he’d been head over heels for Lucy at that point. It seemed the blonde had picked up on that and cooed mockingly.  
“I know he’s apologised to Juvia at least. I don’t know if maybe he thought there wasn’t a need for it and maybe there isn’t, but I still think you two need to have a chat.” Lucy wondered if Cana had, had the same train of thought and considered that Gray just had commitment issues, Cana was like the drunk, yet wise aunt. If anyone understood Gray better it was her.  
“I don’t think he needs to.” Natsu said and both girls looked at him surprised. “I mean yeah, I was pissed. But like, I dunno. I think he’s made up for it since then. I don’t think we need to go back to it. Plus since finding out about his parents and teacher, I think- I think Lisanna’s ‘death’ messed with his head just as much as it messed with mine. I don’t think either of us were in a good place and I don’t really want to revisit that.”   
“I trust you.” Cana said. “Still think the brat should grow a pair and talk to you though.” She pouted.

_It was a week after the Tartarus incident. Natsu had only really spoken to Porlyusica and that was only because she'd stormed into his house to check on his injuries and lecture him about not looking after himself properly. Happy assured her that he was making sure he was, which wasn’t a lie. Natsu didn’t know what he’d do without the exceed.  
But now he just wanted a moment alone, he’d been focusing on recovery that he’d ignored everything that had happened. Tartarus, the brief talk with Zeref, Acnologia …  
Igneel’s death.  
It was a lot to unpack as Natsu sat in the warm grass by the pond near his house.  
“Figured you be here.” A familiar voice spoke, he didn’t need to turn around to know it was Gray. Natsu didn’t respond as the other boy sat down next to him. He could remember that last time they’d been like this. It’d been years though.  
“You okay?” Gray asked and Natsu simply hummed in response as he continued to look out at the orange sunrise peeking through the trees.  
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while before Natsu eventually found the energy to speak.  
“M’Sorry ‘bout your da-” He said sleepily.  
“-rry ‘bout Igneel.” Gray had spoken mere seconds after, just overlapping Natsu.  
Despite that, Natsu still couldn’t find the energy to look at Gray. He was just so tired. He didn’t even realise when he’d put his head on his lap and Gray started to stroke his hair and it was if everything was okay. That they hadn’t fallen out, that none of the last few years had happened. Gray felt warm, it was nice.  
“You’re not sleeping.”  
“Mmm. No. Who would after that?” He had a point. Everyone looked tired.  
“Are you at least eating?” Gray asked.  
“M’ye. Happy’s makin’ sure.” His words were slightly slurred as his eyes were shut and Gray was sure the boy was falling asleep. Natsu looked tired though and he was enjoying the moment, so he let him.  
They had stayed like that for a few hours until Happy got them for breakfast. The exceed didn’t question their position and was just grateful to see his friend asleep. _

“Okay.” Cana clasped her hands causing Natsu to jump as he was snapped away from his thoughts. “Now we got blondie caught up lets get to the juicy bit.”  
Natsu groaned, he looked at the time and was surprised to see it was only twelve, they’d covered a lot in the last three hours.  
“Tell us more about mister bad boy Cobra.”  
Cana poured more drinks and despite the protest from Lucy, she still drank.  
Natsu’s head was going to hurt tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I headcanon the canon Gray and Cana as being Pan/Bi if I'm honest. I also never saw Lucy or Erza as being completely straight either same with Natsu really. 
> 
> Sadly for y'alls angst will be inbound next chapter. I've switched up the later plot so you'll get more insight on Natsu and Cobra later on (I'll explain that when we get there) instead of a continuation of this 'girls night' chat lol. I wouldn't normally write this kinda stuff so it's new to me, but it was also pretty fun to write. Anyways sorry my dudes but I had to do it to 'em :)


	8. Conflict 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erza felt responsible. She wasn’t any more responsible than any of the others. But, she still felt part of this was her fault. She knew about the nightmares but thought it had gotten better. But Erza knows better than anyone that, that shit doesn’t just stop. It doesn’t just go away. You’re not just miraculously okay after one drunken chat with friends. (Yeah she’d heard enough of that conversation since she’d felt tired so had gone home early. She was going to pretend she didn’t because it wasn’t her place. Natsu would tell her when he was ready, she knew that). Her mind wandered but was stopped when she felt a hand around her wrist and was tugged downstairs toward the living room by Gray and as if on auto-pilot she had sat down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING //  
> SELF HARM/SUICIDE ATTEMPT*  
> 1st Warning (will mark in bold) >>  
> Starts at// "Wendy what's wrong..."  
> Ends at// Natsu made an effort to stand 
> 
> 2nd Warning (this section is all in italics) >>  
> Starts at// Natsu looked in the Mirror  
> Ends at// The last thing he remembered was someone calling his name
> 
> Also some violent talk from the demon boi but I don't think I should have to put markers for that considering this fic is a)tagged as mature and b) tagged for graphic depictions of violence. So if you're not okay with that them I'm sorry but maybe you shouldn't be reading this fic because otherwise you're just gonna be having to skip whole ass chapters as we go along. I did say it would get dark.

Lucy had woken up in Cana’s apartment to find the three of them in the king-sized bed. Lucy was caught in-between the two other mages and found herself thinking how cute Cana looked. She didn’t linger on the thought though as she realised how much her head hurt and her throat dying for some water. She hadn’t gotten so drunk she couldn’t remember the night, but clearly enough for a hangover.  
After a few minutes of trying to manoeuvre Cana off her and Climb over Natsu Lucy was finally free.  
She decided to head downstairs.  
“Oh hey Lucy, were you hear all night?” Juvia was in the kitchen cooking. Whatever it was it smelt nice and if Lucy wasn’t hungover she would probably ask for some. Right now though she was only willing to have water and maybe an apple.  
“Yeah I was with Cana and Natsu.” She said which got an understanding ‘ah’ from the blue-haired girl.  
Lucy hadn’t been very close to Juvia as much as she’d like to be, maybe she was still a little drunk but she decided to jump straight into the conversation.  
“What’s up with you and Gray?” She asked.  
Much to Lucy’s relief the girl didn’t seem bothered about the forward question.  
“We’re just friends.” She said surprisingly happily. “I mean I liked him, which I didn’t hide.” Lucy giggled. No she had no hidden that fact. “But when we were living together I guess feelings changed and we talked. Gray was honest with me, apologised if he ever lead me on, which I don’t think he did, to be honest, he was just nice to me. So that’s on me. I’m happy we can be friends though.” She sent Lucy a smile as she set her bowl down. “I can only assume why you’re asking seeing as you just said Natsu’s here.” She frowned as she looked down at her plate of miso soup. “They really need to talk.”  
“Yeah, they do.” Lucy sighed.

The next two days passed relatively uneventful aside from the daily hunt for the master.  
At least for most of the guild.  
**They hate you.  
They’re just waiting for the right moment.  
They’re going to abandon you.**  
(Shut. Up.)  
**Do big brother a favour and kill them all.  
**(Go away.)  
**Why don’t you go snap reds neck?  
**(Stop.)  
**Blondie would look good in pieces.  
**(Please…)  
**I wonder if the iron one would melt or turn to ash?**

“Hey has anyone seen Natsu today? He was supposed to help me buy some food for the guild today.” Erza asked slightly annoyed as the boy had never shown up, thankfully Levy and Wendy had helped her.  
“I’ve not seen him since last night.” Said Gray who looked a little sad about that.  
“He wanted a lie in when I left this morning.” Happy chirped.  
“It’s five in the evening?” Wendy walked up to them.  
Happy Shrugged.  
“I didn’t mean he would still be in bed. Just that he was at home last I saw him. But that was a few hours ago. Maybe he forgot, it _is_ Natsu we’re talking about.” The exceed mocked, although something nagged at the back of his head he wasn’t sure what, but something didn’t feel right. Nothing felt out of place though and he seemed fine that morning. Happy shook it off.  
“Well if he _has_ been asleep all day, I think I should go make sure he’s okay.” Erza walked towards the entrance door.  
“You know he has slept for a lot longer.” The new voice was Gray, but Erza continued to leave “Or you can check now that’s fine too.” He felt ignored, but once she had her mind on something she tended to do that.

As Erza approached Natsu’s house she found that Wendy, Lucy and Gray had tagged along all with slightly worried looks on their faces. The exceed’s had stayed back at the guild after Mira had roped them into something.   
She stopped at the door with an ominous feeling washing over her. She felt hesitant to open but why?  
“Natsu?” the room was dim as the late afternoon swiflty pushed into evening, the natural quickly ceasing, “You here?”  
No response.  
She sighed and walked noting the curtains were drawn. She then switched on the light.  
“Natsu?” his bed was empty.  
“Oi shithead you here?” Gray shouted out.  
Still no response.  
“Guess he’s not here.” Said Lucy, but the older two didn’t look convinced. One look at Gray and the red-head could see he had the same feeling as her.  
“Huh.” They turned to Wendy, the girl had gone pale and eyes wide. Before they could ask what was wrong she’d darted past and headed to the bathroom leaving the three looking at each other in confusion.  
“NATSU!” Wendy screamed causing their heads to snap to attention are sprint to the where her voice had come from.

**“Wendy what’s...wrong.** ” Lucy’s voice trailed off as she saw a familiar tuft of pink hair on the floor, lying in a pool of blood.  
Gray looked around he saw the broken mirror. And the blood.  
“O-oi. Hey.” He had crouched down having grabbed the first aid kit next to the cabinet and took a look at the boy’s wrists. He could seeing Natsu’s shallow breaths, but he was terrified he’d just… stop. There was only so much Wendy could do with her magic and the first aid kit. He could already see the poor girl struggling. The gash in his left wrist was too deep to heal like that and he’d lost so much blood. Gray wrapped up the wrist with enough pressure to ease the bleeding, but he was going to need stitches and probably an IV drip, luckily Gray could already see he hadn’t nicked a vein.  
“Natsu can you hear me?” Lucy had elevated his head on her lap and was caressing his hair as she spoke softly. He still didn’t respond. He didn’t even flinch when he dabbed some alcohol on the cut or the other smaller cuts that ran like train tracks up both his arms. Gray was so focused on the Natsu he hadn’t even noticed that Erza had gone. Lucy seemed to pick up on that.  
“She’s gone to get Porlyusica.” Her voice was shaken but he could see her trying to keep it together.  
Gray was frustrated. He knew Natsu wasn’t okay, he was angry with himself for having not checked in on him earlier, but he _had_ been okay the last few days. He knew he, Cana and Lucy had talked about ‘dumb shit’ (in Cana’s words, but he also knew what her late-night chats were like). Natsu had genuinely been himself. He was okay. He was.  
“We shouldn’t have left him on his own.” Gray failed to hide the fear in his voice.  
“I don’t think this happened too long ago. If I had I don’t think he would-” Lucy was swiftly cut off by a door slamming open and the sudden appearance of the elderly woman.  
“All of you need to stop looking like that. Gray you did fine, but let me take over.” She immediately ordered them in a stern yet calm voice. Swiftly Gray and her swapped places and he found himself stood next to a calm Erza. Although he knew her well enough that she would probably have a breakdown later.  
Natsu. Their happy-go-lucky Natsu had just tried to kill himself. Natsu, who no one thought to check on all day just because they thought he was fine.

Erza felt responsible. She wasn’t any more responsible than any of the others. But, she still felt part of this was her fault. She knew about the nightmares but thought it had gotten better. But Erza knows better than anyone that, that shit doesn’t just _stop._ It doesn’t just go away. You’re not just miraculously okay after one drunken chat with friends. (Yeah she’d heard enough of that conversation since she’d felt tired so had gone home early. She was going to pretend she didn’t because it wasn’t her place. Natsu would tell her when he was ready, she knew that). Her mind wandered but was stopped when she felt a hand around her wrist and was tugged downstairs toward the living room by Gray and as if on auto-pilot she had sat down.  
“We were kinda just stood there.” He eventually spoke, but his voice was the quietest she’d ever heard, she hadn’t looked at him, but she could feel him shaking from shock.  
“You okay?” He asked.  
“Mmm. You?” She stared at the coffee table in front of her, eyes unblinking.  
“Mmm.”  
Everything was quiet.

The floorboards creaked from upstairs. Gray heard a tap running from the bathroom for a while, until it stopped.  
“Gray.” Lucy’s shallow voice suddenly came from behind.  
“We need to take him to the hospital. We’ve done what we can but there’s just so much- so-” She sounded broken. Erza had eventually gotten up and hugged her as she whispered things like ‘he’s strong’, ‘he had us’, ‘he’ll be okay’. Gray quickly walked past, everything after that was pretty much a blur to him, but he knew he’d at least taken Natsu to the hospital which thankfully wasn’t that far from the house.

He didn’t know where everyone else had gone, the doctors said he’d be okay but they’d have to monitor him considering he had attempted suicide. Natsu had been put into a coma for over a week for reasons Gray hadn’t really listened to. He sat by his bed listening to the heart monitor.

Gray ran towards and realized the light was on. He slowly opened the door to find a bloodied, pale Natsu sat on the floor. There was a deep cut on his left arm that was still bleeding quite heavily.  
“Natsu!” He darted towards him.  
“It won’t come off. Why won’t it come off? I’m sorry. M’sorry. Sorry-” His voice had trailed off into a whisper. Gray could just about hear what he was saying.  
Gray ran into the main room and switched on the light. He was surprised it even worked, considering it hadn’t been used in a while. Gray shuffled around the house in search for medical supplies, so he could bandage Natsu’s arm. He eventually found something, there wasn’t much but it was enough.   
Natsu fell into a trance and didn’t acknowledge that Gray was there with him. He was rubbing his hands, so much that they’d begun to bleed. Gray then grabbed his arm and begun to bandage it up. Natsu was so dazed that Gray didn’t need restrain him.  
“It won’t come off…” he spoke again.  
Gray then shook him to snap him out of his trance.  
“Natsu! Oi flame brain! Get a hold of yourself!”  
Natsu’s voice was shaken, “I can’t get it off.” He stared blankly at Gray with black eyes.  
“Hey! S-stop this. You’re really starting to worry me. Natsu.” The boy continued to scratch his arms. “Stop!”  
No response.  
“O-Oi, Natsu…” Nothing reasonable was working, Gray felt tears fall down his face. “Please stop. You need to stop.”  
“G-ray…I feel…dizzy. It hurts.” Natsu’s voice slurred. Natsu had mentioned something about blood again. Was he trying to wash blood off him?  
**Natsu made an effort to stand** to go to the sink, but the blood loss was beginning to really affect him. His head began to spin, causing him to stagger.

“Whoa. Natsu- Hey you need to-” Gray went to grab him.  
“Fuck off!” The boy shoved him away. “Why?! Why the fuck do you suddenly care?!”  
Gray stumbled for a moment, but when he regained his stance he was face to face with black eyes that sat on a familiar face.  
“Na-Natsu?” Gray suddenly felt scared. This wasn’t Natsu. Was it E.N.D. Gray panicked his mind telling him to run, but the boy had grabbed him with claw like hands digging into his skin.  
“Fuck. Natsu stop! This isn’t you!” He screamed but the boy laughed at him, it was cold, nothing like Gray had heard from him before.  
“But this _is_ me, Gray. Does it hurt? No? Let’s try this then.”  
Crack.  
Gray went to scream but just as it happened he’d shot up in a panic.  
It was just a dream.

“-ray?” A quiet voice broke him from his panic. He looked over to see Natsu sat up in bed, the boy looked at him in worry.  
Because Natsu needed to be worried about _him_ right now.  
“You’re awake.” Gray jumped from the chair and placed himself on the bed. Before Natsu could do anything Gray had pulled him into a hug.  
“Don’t fucking do that again.” Gray could feel fresh tears fall from his face. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He then said. “I should have checked on you.”  
“-orry.” Natsu’s voice cracked. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.” He croaked.  
“No one is mad at you okay. You just really fucking scared us.” He spoke to him softly.  
Gray grabbed his hand and squeezed it slightly, he felt warmth grow in his chest when Natsu returned the gesture, even if he wouldn’t meet his eyes as his eyes stared off at nothingness.  
"You here?" Gray asked. It'd been a while since he'd seen Natsu like this but he could see from his eyes Natsu wasn't completely in the room with him, the slight shake of his head reaffirmed that.  
They stayed in silence like that for a while, with just the monitor and some chatter from outside the room filling the noise. Gray studied the boy in front of him. Natsu’s usual cheerful green eyes looked dull and lost while shades of purple hung underneath. His mouth, usually a grin that would have his fangs on show was now set in a deep frown. It was subtle, but his face looked a little thinner too. Happy said he’d been eating and Gray had seen him eat regularly to, but could this just be from the last day? His usual tanned skin looked slightly grey, but he definitely had more colour than earlier so that was good to see.  
“I just wanted it to stop.” He eventually said in a monotone voice but hints of Natsu were starting to draw in. “It just kept getting louder and louder and I couldn’t- I- I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want- I-” Natsu let go of Gray’s hand and curled in on himself as he choked and started to tremble.  
Gray moved his hands to either side of his face and lifted it up so he was looking at him. Natsu bit the bottom of his lip as he tried to stop sobbing and silent tears streamed down it his red cheeks.  
“You don’t need to apologise.” Natsu tried to look away from him. “Hey, hey. I’m right here, see?” He smiled, “You’re not alone, so don’t worry. We’re not going anywhere. You’re safe. I promise.” Natsu looked down again.  
“Look at me Natsu.” He spoke softly, “We’re going to look after you. I know you want to protect everyone. But, you need to remember that we’re protecting you too. We have each other’s backs. It’s okay to rely on us for a while. You won’t be protecting anyone in this state.” Gray wiped a tear away from Natsu’s cheek. He eventually stopped shaking and his breathing began to even out.  
“Thank you Gray.” He felt ashamed of himself, but hugged Gray as tight as he could and could feel Gray’s hand running through his hair, it felt nice.

A few days went by and in all honestly, Natsu wanted to leave. Some of the others had stopped by, Cana, Erza, Lucy and Gray. Happy was around a lot too but he didn’t really know what happened. Erza had explained that they hadn’t told everyone. Well, they could hide Natsu being in the hospital, and they had said it was to do with everything going on and that he just hadn’t been looking after himself very well. Which wasn’t technically a lie he supposed and he was grateful for it. It was odd he hadn’t seen Wendy though, but he didn’t know how much she knew. Cana guessed because she’d seen his wrist. The others even now still didn’t know, but there were some very thin scars on his upper right thigh that Cana was well aware of. They were so old now that they were barely visible though, but the hurt in her eyes when she looked at his wrist reminded him that the scars could eventually fade, but the memory won’t. He’d never gone this far before though. Never even considered it! He felt ashamed and expected her to be pissed.  
But she wasn’t.  
None of them had been.  
He’s probably cried more in the last week than he has in his entire life and he hated it. Hated how vulnerable he’d become. 

Natsu was washing his face in the bathroom, because of his reason being there, he had to leave the door open slightly, although he preferred that anyway and felt safer when he could see Gray still even if the other had taken to reading some book.  
He looked in the mirror and saw what a state he was. He knew he felt bad, but he didn’t realize he looked absolutely horrendous as well. He decided that a simple face wash wasn’t enough so he quickly jumped into the shower it seems someone must have brought some shower wash over, he felt like it might have been Lucy, which was something she’d do. He also remembered vaguely hearing her voice back at the house.  
Ah. Shit. She’d was there of course, she told him that.  
Who else had seen him like that? Porlyusica was there when he’d initially woken up so she clearly had. She’d left not long before Gray had woken up from what defiantly looked like a nightmare. Natsu hoped that wasn’t his fault.  
**It’s always your fault you fuckup.  
**(Not now shithead.)  
Natsu sighed as the hot water ran, his wrist stung a little even though he kept it away from the water as to not mess up the bandage. He expected there to be more, but when he looked at his arms there was nothing.  
So Wendy had seen him too.  
Shit.  
**Not a good remodel are we.  
**(Seriously. Fuck. Off.) **  
** He then dried, changed and fixed his hair. He was still slightly pale and tired looking. However, his hair being placed back to its usual spikey way seemed to make him look more like himself again. He left the bathroom and sat on the bed, the nurses had since removed the IV thankfully.  
“Hey.” Gray looked up from the book he was reading and his eyes went wide.  
“Okay I know I still look like shit but-”  
“You look great.” Gray said a little softer than intended causing Natsu to blush a little.  
“I- uh. Um. I think the nurses said I could leave today.” He quickly changed the subject.  
“Wait seriously?”  
“I think Erza had said something to convince them. Physically there’s not much for them to do since the stitches will come out on their own. But-”  
“They’re worried.” Gray interrupted. “I mean yeah they should be. We all are if I’m honest Natsu.” Natsu cringed at that a little.  
“I know. And I get it. I get it if you guys don’t want me to be alone. Which if I’m honest. I don’t _want_ to be alone.” The voice was quieter when he was with people, but even by nature Natsu never liked being alone anyway.

_Natsu looked in the mirror staring at his own reflection, only it wasn’t quite him. It was the other him and black eyes and a cold smile glared back.  
He was frustrated and afraid.  
“I don’t want this” He whispered. The reflection laughed back at him.  
“You shouldn’t be afraid of me.” It hissed. “I am you after all. Unless- it’s not me you’re afraid of. It’s them.” The refection chuckled. “You’re so pathetic Natsu. They won’t hurt us. You have an army of demons waiting for your command.”  
“Shut up!” Natsu shouted as he punched the mirror, causing it to shatter.  
**Look Natsu! Make them afraid of you. You have nothing to fear. Humans are lowly, weak creatures. They will kneel before us. Mard Geer was a loyal subject, but he fell to the humans because he underestimated them. He ignored the human emotion, thinking it to be a weak thing. He valued them as lowly insects. We know that isn’t what they are. They’re human. And those humans can still summon a demonic power. Acnologia should be a prime example. But, that’s where they fall apart. See, they don’t quite acknowledge that Acnologia was human. They were the ones who made up that incessant lie that it was Zeref creation. But, that wasn’t a chapter he was a part of. We both know that. That was humans and dragons alone. Humans can be bigger monsters than the ones they call monsters. We can make that our strength.** The voice laughed in his head.  
(Shut up shut up shut up!)  
**We can make the world of men burn.** The voice trailed off into an echo of laughter.  
Without thinking Natsu picked up a shard of the mirror. When he looked he could see the demon laughing in his reflection.  
“Stop it.” He said defeated as he began to cut into his arm, it was fairly light but enough to sting.  
**Why do you think that’ll work?  
**Honestly Natsu had no idea. He’d been down this road before, he knows pain wouldn’t make the bullshit go away. But this was different, new and scary. Maybe. Just maybe for a few moments it could make it stop. **  
** The moments that followed were a blur.  
Suddenly Natsu was covered in blood. But this blood was no longer his. He was surrounded by rubble and blood. Blood of dead men women and children. Natsu was in horror as he noticed dragon-like wings sprouting from his back and felt horns from his head. As well as some scales scattered across his body much like his dragon force.  
He wasn’t human. But, he was no dragon either.  
He was a demon.  
Before he could react he was in his house, his bathroom to be exact. He looked at his wrist and saw blood spouting out.  
Shit.  
He stumbled and fell to his knees. He’d gone too far.  
He heard his own voice again. It was coming from the mirror. It was laughing.  
**So pathetic.**  
The last thing he remembered was someone screaming his name. His mind drew a blank after that._

“Hey you okay?” Gray asked.  
Natsu looked at him. Gray looked tired, clearly he’d been worried and hadn’t been sleeping much over the last two weeks.  
“I didn’t mean to do that you know.” He said and Gray cocked his brow in confusion. “I-I mean I didn’t- I didn’t mean to _go that far._ ” He looked away in shame, but Gray seemed to understand what he meant. “I know no one will believe me and I still did something messed up but I just thought you should know. I-I don’t want to die.” The last sentence came out as a choked sob which he managed to fight back he didn’t want to cry anymore.  
“I believe you.” Gray said with a small smile on his face. Natsu wasn’t sure if he actually did, but it was enough for now. “Just don’t scare me like that again.” He pulled him into a hug.  
“Gray I really think we need to talk.” Gray frowned, he was wondering when this would happen, he didn’t think Natsu would bring it up _now_ though.  
But they were close to heading into a war so maybe _now_ was the best time for it.  
“Yeah I think we do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's any parts you feel I should have placed a warning then let me know. 
> 
> If you or someone you know are experiencing any thoughts of self harm/ suicide and/or you need to talk to someone especially during these confusing and scary times here's some numbers below;
> 
> From the NHS website (UK) >>  
> Samaritans – for everyone  
> Call 116 123  
> Email jo@samaritans.org
> 
> Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men  
> Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day  
> Visit the webchat page
> 
> Papyrus – for people under 35  
> Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 9am to 10pm, weekends and bank holidays 2pm to 10pm  
> Text 07860 039967  
> Email pat@papyrus-uk.org
> 
> Childline – for children and young people under 19  
> Call 0800 1111 – the number will not show up on your phone bill
> 
> Australia >>  
> Lifeline - 131114  
> (also have an online service chat) 
> 
> USA >>  
> National Suicide prevention lifeline - 1 800 273 8255


	9. Conflict 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu looked down at the mossy green drink, it’d gone cold but he had little intention of drinking it anyway. It was a lot to process, for all of them. Warrod hadn’t really told them much of value in the long run, but it still wasn’t easy to hear that him ending up at the guild was planned by Zeref. Sure, he was happy with the guild and has so many good memories and wouldn’t trade it for the world. But to know that he’d been following Zeref’s plan all this time left an uneasy taste in his mouth. Was him not joining the Spriggan’s expected too? Why would Zeref want him on the enemy side?  
> Oh, the curse. Of course.  
> Zeref probably wanted him by his side but the curse had other plans.

“Ugh.” Natsu sighed. His feet hurt and as he looked over to Lucy and Wendy, he could see they were struggling too. Gray didn’t look happy to be walking either. Erza was the only one who seemed fine. Happy and Carla too but they could fly, although at present Happy had taken up residence on Natsu’s shoulder.  
“Why couldn’t we have got a carriage? Warrod’s is so damn far.” Gray groaned.  
“We couldn’t get one on short notice.” Said Erza not sparing any of the group any sympathy. “Besides we’ve been cooped up in the guild so much lately I think the walk would be good.”  
“Good for my funeral maybe.” Gray mumbled causing Natsu to chuckle.  
Natsu was mildly annoyed because he and Gray didn’t end up talking. Erza had barged in, threw clothes at Natsu saying he’d been discharged and they were talking a trip to the old tree man’s place.  
“Why did we need to suddenly go anyway?” Natsu asked as he scratched at his bandage, he didn’t miss the way Wendy had flinched at that. Great, she’d been there too.  
Natsu felt like he was building an endless list of serious conversations he has either had or needs to have in the last few weeks alone. He was getting tired of it. But Wendy was like a little sister and he really didn’t like that she hadn’t actually said a word to him since before he’d ended up in the hospital.  
He suddenly broke away from his thoughts when Gray swatted his hand away as a signal to stop scratching, Natsu stuck out his tongue as a response. It was itchy dammit.  
“I was thinking he might know where the master was.” She said ignoring the two.  
Well, that explained the sudden rush, but-  
“That doesn’t explain why you had to drag us all along.” Gray said which startled Natsu as though he could hear his thoughts.  
“Like I said, we’ve been cooped up too long. I offered Juvia to come too, but she’d been dragged off by Cana somewhere.” That didn’t sound unusual to anyone, but Gray slightly paled as he had a horrible feeling he knew what those two would be up to.  
Can’t help it now. Have to face the consequences later he figured. 

After what felt like hours they had made it to the house, their initial meeting didn’t go much differently from last time and already Natsu wanted to go home.  
Before long, Warrod entered the room with cups of herbal tea. Everyone took one although hesitant. They hadn’t forgotten last time.  
“Don’t worry I promise you this will relax you.” Everyone just stared with anxiety waiting for his usual words. But he remained silent, smiling eagerly.  
They all took a sip, much to their surprise it wasn’t like last time. It actually tasted good, although it did make Natsu cough a little.  
“Mmm. This is good. What is it?” Erza asked.  
“It’s taken from snakeskin.” Everyone spat out the drink, “That’s just a joke you know.” He laughed. They already began to feel tired. This conversation was going to be long.  
“I was wondering when you would come if I’m honest.” His tone suddenly went serious and judging from the look he gave Natsu, he _knew._   
“Do you know where the master is Warrod-sama?” Erza decided then to not bother beating around the bush.  
“Unfortunately I don’t.” They all looked disappointed at that. “I honestly don’t know why he disbanded the guild, you know as much as me on that one.” He paused. “But, I know he did it in good measure and I believed the guild would be back someday. Fairy Tail doesn’t fall so easily.”  
“We hoped you’d be able to answer that one.” Gray said. They all trusted the old man’s words. At this point, it became quite clear he had his reasons to lie if he had to. Right now he was ready to tell them the truth though.  
“I apologise that I can’t. But, it seems there is something else on your minds. Right?” He looked back at Natsu.  
“Uh…m-maybe.” Natsu hesitated. Warrod was one of Fairy Tail’s founding members and he looked like an innocent old man that _should_ have been enough of a reason to trust him.  
But so had Precht in the old pictures he seen.  
Okay so maybe some of Eric and Jellal’s paranoia had rubbed off on him.  
“A long time ago I was a treasure hunter. Not a mage. I worked alongside Precht who became the second master to the guild and Yury Dreyar, Makarov’s father.” He stopped. He was clearly sad to know of what Precht became and knew that he tainted Mavis’ homeland with darkness, war and destruction.  
“Y-you were a treasure hunter?” Lucy was shocked. Having met some in the Sun Village, she couldn’t picture this old man being like them.  
They were half expecting him to say ‘that’s just a joke though’, but he continued.  
“Yes I was. We went looking for something known as the Tenrou Jade. It was believed to be a powerful magical object. Which to us meant it would be worth a lot too. We found ourselves on Tenrou Island, where Mavis lived. Yury lost a bet to her” He chuckled at the memory of Yuri’s reaction. He’d never lost at that silly game. “She informed us that a guild known as Blue Skull had beaten us to the Jade. She hoped we could help her and take it back to her homeland.”  
“Mavis was alone?” Lucy asked concerningly. The island wasn’t that big, but the thought of a small girl being alone there sounded worrying.  
“Yes. She told us that this Blue Skull guild had raided the village she lived in. She never went into detail. She was the sole survivor. They must have taken the Jade without her knowing.” He hadn’t forgotten Zera, but he hadn’t forgotten what Zera really was. He didn’t need to mention her.  
Everyone was shocked to hear this. How long had she been alone for? But they had some idea how this tale ended. The creation of Fairy Tail. So they thought ahead and figured that there was some happiness.  
“We found the Blue Skull guild. They were located in Magnolia. As expected they had the Tenrou Jade. We tried to fight them, but none of us were mages. Apart from Mavis, who only knew illusionary magic. It worked for a while, but we had to flee eventually. Mavis was determined to get it back and place it back where it belonged.” He paused, “Then we met someone. After Mavis’ wish, he spent a few days teaching each of us magic.” He stopped.  
“Who taught you?” Erza’s curiosity was peaked.  
“You could class him as a founding member. I suppose.” He hesitated. “If it wasn’t for _him_ we wouldn’t have beaten that guild and our guild would have never been created.” The group eagerly awaited for him to continue. “Makarov’s son believes we hold a darkness at the centre. Depending on how you look at it, we well may do. Precht may have told him something. But, I believe there is no evil. Magic is magic, it’s all the same, and it’s how it is used that then determines whether or not it’s light or dark. The man who taught us was the black wizard, Zeref.”  
Natsu’s eyes went wide at the mention of his brother’s name.  
“Ze-Zeref taught you!?” Gray wasn’t sure how he felt about this revelation. But a part of him didn’t seem too surprised.  
“Mavis worked out as soon as she met him, that he had the contradictory curse. We were never made aware until years later.” He continued.  
“How many people do you expect has that kind of curse?” Lucy asked.  
Warrod laughed.  
“Well, it was information Mavis kept concealed from us until later. She must have known who he was, but she needed help.” He tried to justify the actions taken those few days. “From our perspective, he was just a talented wizard. Aside from Law, which he taught Mavis in secret, he taught us normal magic. Magic made powerful by ourselves. But never black magic. We would never have guessed. But like I said, we were treasure hunters, we never really paid attention to history. Ignorance is bliss as they say.”  
The group looked at each other with unsure looks on their faces.  
“What happened to the Jade anyway?” asked Erza.  
“It was destroyed, Mavis used Law. It was a powerful object that concealed powerful dark magic, one that couldn’t be controlled. Months later we found building Fairy Tail.”   
Warrod then sighed with a solemn smile.  
“There was one more thing that I wasn’t made aware of until very late on, it seems that Mavis only told me. Because of my magic, she must have already deduced that I was going to live a long time. She felt that she wanted to repay Zeref. I thought it was odd when she told me that, but she valued all life. She said she’d made a returning favour to him for having taught us magic. He never expected her to, so she told me, but after the guild was created she met with him once more and asked if there was any way she could repay him.”  
“Did he?” Asked Lucy.  
“She never told me.” He said. “She did say she had made him a promise though.” He took a sip from his drink as the others sat there quietly waiting for him to explain. “Mavis made him a promise that _you_ would join our guild.” He looked at Natsu with a sad smile as if he felt guilty for what’s happened to him. It wasn’t his fault though Natsu thought. “Zeref told her where you were and told her that a dragon named Igneel would look after you for a while, but one day he will leave and he hoped that you wouldn’t be alone. Mavis told me years later. When that day came I told Makarov. He already knew that Zeref has some involvement with the creation of our guild, so to speak, so he accepted this information quite well.”  
While he felt grateful that the old man was okay with him, it didn’t mean he was. Natsu just wanted to wake up and find it was all a dream.  
“You know, for once I’m hoping for you to turn and say that’s a joke.” Natsu mumbled but the old man hadn’t heard him, Gray who was sat next to him shot him a sympathetic look.  
“For the sake of setting your mind at ease I would like to, but sadly I can’t. Otherwise, that would be a joke.” He replied.

Natsu looked down at the mossy green drink, it’d gone cold but he had little intention of drinking it anyway. It was a lot to process, for all of them. Warrod hadn’t really told them much of value in the long run, but it still wasn’t easy to hear that him ending up at the guild was planned by Zeref. Sure, he was happy with the guild and has so many good memories and wouldn’t trade it for the world. But to know that he’d been following Zeref’s plan all this time left an uneasy taste in his mouth. Was him not joining the Spriggan’s expected too? Why would Zeref want him on the enemy side?  
Oh, the curse. Of course.  
Zeref probably wanted him by his side but the curse had other plans.  
Ugh this was confusing.  
Lucy nudged him slightly.  
“It’s going to be okay.” She smiled, “You’ve got us!” she tried to reassure him with Happy following on with a little ‘aye’ as he perched himself on Natsu’s lap allowing the boy the pet him.  
He gave a small smile.  
“Yeah” he voice gave in as his mind was still wandering. He wasn’t so sure for how long he still had them.  
“Hey if you’re going to smile then smile properly idiot.” Gray flicked his head. “You’ve always said how you believe in us, so don’t stop now. Trust us. We’re Fairy Tail! We always come out on top and you’re not leaving.” Gray smiled. It seemed spending all that time with Juvia made him go soft.  
For now, it couldn’t be helped. He did trust them. Of course, he did! Natsu mentally slapped himself, what’s gotten into him! He can’t change the past, what’s done is done, the best thing to do was to think of what to do next and he knew his family wouldn’t let him figure that shit out on his own!  
“We appreciate your help. Thank you for the tea, we must be going now.” Erza broke the tension.

The group headed towards to door and made their way down the path bidding their farewells. No one really looking forward to the trek back, but surprisingly Natsu felt lighter.  
“You okay? I’m sorry for dragging you out of the hospital like that. But I meant what I said.” Natsu hadn’t appreciated that, but he knew the girl meant well.  
“Actually- yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” He shot her a grin, which for the first time in a while didn’t feel forced.  
He hadn’t seen the way everyone nearly teared up at that.

The group directed back to the guild unsatisfied with the lack of information on the master. They still had no idea where to begin in regards to the master, they appreciated the little history lesson on the guild though, although Erza couldn’t shake the feeling the old man had missed out something.  
Natsu could smell food cooking and suddenly they all realised how hungry they were.  
Mira came out of the kitchen with a smile on her face but it soon dropped when she could tell that the group hadn’t found anything.  
“Yeah. Are you guys cooking something?” Wendy asked wanting to ignore the building tension.  
“There was some stuff that needed using and we realized what time it was so me, Juvia and Lisanna started cooking.” She answered with her smile picking up again.  
“Let me know when it’s ready I want to get back to what I was reading this morning.” Lucy wandered off down to the library section.

Lucy looked over at the table where she’d read through some books that morning and saw one was missing, she walked over to Levy who was sat at the same table.  
“Hey Levy hows it going?” She asked only getting a tired sigh in response.  
“I can’t find anything on Zeref. Almost as if anything he did was never documented.” She slammed her head on the table.  
“Hey have you seen one of the books I had this morning, I could have sworn I brought four with me from home.”  
“Nope.” Her voice was muffled as she spoke into her sleeve. “No, you only brought 3 with you didn’t you?” She lifted her head up and gave Lucy as concerned look. “Was it important?”  
“Kinda. It has some guild documents and I wondered if maybe the master had left a hint anywhere in them. Don’t worry I must have left it at home.” Why hadn’t she noticed? She really must have been tired.  
Lucy left giving a quick shouted she was heading home for a moment, while the others got ready for lunch. She was happy to see Wendy finally talking to Natsu. She knew how distressed the girl had been over what happened and kept saying she should have done more. Natsu always knew how to make others smile though.

“Aha!” Lucy was happy to find the book had fallen under her bed, she felt stupid for thinking she’d had it with her at the guild.  
It honestly wouldn’t have been the end of the world, but it also seemed like an important piece of the guild's history with brief reports of jobs taken back when Precht was the guild master. Lucy figured there probably would have been anything, but the master had been so cryptic about the whole ordeal she wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d left another letter somewhere. Lucy was also just curious about the guild's past, especially now that she knew about its creation. She wondered what other secrets the guild had.  
She swiftly left with the book and the hope that lunch would be ready, Mira and Juvia were really good cooks so she looked forward to eating.  
“Ah Lucy!” Cana’s voice suddenly appeared behind her causing the blonde to jump a little.  
“Hey Cana.” She smiled as the girl hooked an arm around her. “What you doing here?”  
“Was on my way to the guild then saw you leave with a worried look on your face and came to check on you.”  
“Oh.” Lucy chuckled. “Sorry. Thought I’d lost a book.” She lifted up the book.  
Cana unhooked her arm making Lucy miss the warmth but it was easier to walk now as they headed back to the guild.  
“So Erza mentioned you’d dragged off Juvia somewhere. What was that about?” That wasn’t too forward, was it? Lucy thought.  
“Huh?” Cana thought about it for a moment. “Oh that.” She laughed. “I think your theory on Gray was right.”  
What?  
“Eh?!”  
“I don’t think he was jealous like you suggested.” Cana started which suddenly brought Lucy back to the other week with their late-night chat. With everything that had happened since then, she’d actually forgotten about it.  
“It seems our resident bad boy definitely has a crush on our pyro though.” She laughed louder this time causing a few judgemental looks to be sent their way.  
“Why do I feel like you have a plan?” Lucy sighed.  
“I don’t. Not yet anyway. If I’m honest I want to see how the whole Cobra thing pans out because- well. Natsu sounded really happy.” She let out a sad smile and Lucy’s mind panned to that night.

_Natsu groaned as the brunette continued to tease him. Lucy sat back and simply laughed ignoring his silent pleas of ‘help me’.  
“Tell us more about mister bad boy Cobra.” Cana said as she poured more drinks.  
“Cana I can’t drink anymore if you want me to remember all this!” Lucy protested, but when the drink was handed to her she found herself methodically taking a gulp from it anyway and heard Cana giggling in the background.  
Natsu sighed.  
“I’m not getting out of this am I?” He said with a slight smirk on his face.  
“Nope.” Cana replied.  
He took a huge gulp from his drink as if his life depended on it sending the two girls into fits of giggles. It wasn’t that funny, but clearly anything was funny when you were drunk.  
“Not to be depressing, but uh. My head wasn’t exactly in a good place.”  
“Natsu-” Cana sent him a look Lucy couldn’t figure out.  
“It wasn’t like that okay.” He said. Lucy had no idea what he meant by that but was too drunk to try and figure it out. (Lucy now had a few ideas what that meant but she figured if he ever wanted to talk about it he could).  
“I don’t know when exactly it happened. But it was me, him, Meredy and Jellal. Except we’d often split up in twos which made me get kinda close to all of them-”  
“Oooh you’ll have to tell me about Jellal’s crush on Erza later.” Cana interrupted, Natsu laughed saying he would.  
“Anyway. At some point, it was just me and him for a few days.”  
“Kinky.”  
“Cana. Please. You’re killing me.” Natsu groaned while the others laughed at his embarrassment.  
“Okay. Okay. Cana stop teasing him. Natsu, continue.” Lucy tried and failed to hide her laughter.  
“A-N-Y-way.” He tried again. “We just got really close. We talked a lot, the typical stuff I guess. Then before I knew it he was really close.” Cana and Lucy both leant in fully immersed. “Then we kissed. It felt- nice.” Natsu had looked down at his drink with a soft smile Lucy had ever seen on him before. “It was nice.” He repeated in a softer tone. _

She remembered he hadn’t actually given much detail, although had earlier given away the face they’d slept together, but the look on his face told her that it was definitely not, in Cana’s words, a ‘friend-with-benefits’ situation.  
Natsu Dragneel was in love with a technical criminal.  
A criminal who had been there for him.  
There was a pang of guilt when Lucy thought back to when she’d gone off at him about leaving her. She’d need to apologise for that. It wasn’t his fault, nor his responsibility really. Sure they were best friends, but that didn’t mean he had to be responsible for her. Cana and Gray were her best friends too and they’d also left. She didn’t really know why she blamed Natsu so much, aside from maybe because he’d left her that note and she wasn’t in an emotionally good place after Aquarius.  
Now that she thought about it, she realised that he probably knew that but wasn’t emotionally okay enough to help her either.  
Now she just felt like a bitch. She would definitely apologise now.  
No use for being mad now though. Everyone had their reasons and Cana had already told her she could have joined her after she’d spoken with Gildarts, but she had no idea how to get in contact with her when it came to it.   
“Hey Lucy you with me there?” Cana waved her hand in front of her face. She’d been so lost in her head she hadn’t realised the other girl had been talking to her.  
“Ah. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. What did you say?”  
“I said. Do you think those two could really work?” She asked.  
Lucy thought about it. Cobra had definitely changed and who knew what the future held after Zeref. If there was one. (No Lucy don’t think like that!).  
“I don’t know. But he seemed to really have helped Natsu and I’ve never seen him smile like that before. He just looked sad the whole time you and him talked about his history with Gray. But the two seem to be on better terms.” Maybe she was being biased, or maybe it was because she didn’t know Cobra all that well, but a part of her hoped that Natsu and Gray would work things out. While it sounded like he and Cobra were already a thing, Natsu had said with everything happening it was better to not go that far and label a relationship. It was surprisingly mature, albeit sad coming from Natsu.  
It made Lucy wonder of Natsu thought he had a future after Zeref.

They eventually reached the guild and when they entered they were shocked to find everything in chaos.  
Mest was there.  
He apparently knew where the Master was as well as another secret the guild had underneath the guildhall.  
Suddenly Lucy was making her way to Alverez with her usual team.  
Then the war would begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of the 'Conflict' section. I know I could have split it all up, but I kinda prefer it all being in one place.  
> The next section is called flames and originally, it would have been Natsu going 'home' with his team, and that also the war with Zeref hadn't yet started, but I think that's the point where I'd written myself in a corner causing the original version the end rather oddly. Also as I mentioned I want to introduce Touka so stuff kinda has to change. 
> 
> 'Flames' will occur BEFORE conflict with Natsu now taking the journey with Erik, Jellal and Meredy as previously mentioned.  
> When I come back to the 'present' section I'll probably not bother actually writing about the war, as much as I had gripes about it, I'm also kinda satisfied in the context of this story to leave most of it as it, any sections I want to change for the sake of the story it'll be flashback segments. But I'll write a note at the start of the next chapter (whenever that'll be) :)


	10. Flames 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back to Natsu's adventures with Crime Sorciere ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little short really but I just wanted to get a chapter up and also it just felt right to stop the chapter where I did. Works been tough lately with this virus stuff and it's really taken a hit to my mental health so I haven't been doing much but finally got around to playing the witcher 3 so there's that. Anyway, enjoy!

A few days past since Natsu had left Happy with his family. He had wondered if he’d made the right call, but the exceed looked ecstatic to see his family and be among his kind that Natsu felt content with the decision.   
Of course, now as he walked down the streets of Alverez’s capitol city, Vistarion he realised he hadn’t been alone since before Lisanna had joined the guild.

Natsu wasn’t sure why he’d decided to not ask Lucy to join, or that aside from the note he left her, Happy was the only one who was aware he’d even left. He had heard a few days ago Fairy Tail had disbanded, but something told him that was temporary.  
Didn’t remove the guilt that flooded his mind, however.   
He needed to talk to Zeref though. The dark mage _knew_ him and was always so cryptic around him, Natsu hated that. But, there was a lingering feeling in his chest that this was something he wanted to handle alone. _Needed_ to.   
Natsu hadn’t told anyone this, but Zeref had left him a note telling Natsu to meet him in the city.  
So that’s where he found himself.

“You never fail to surprise me Natsu.” A voice appeared behind him when he turned he was met with the dark mage, Zeref who smiled at him. For some reason, Natsu hadn’t felt intimidated or creeped out by that.  
It felt familiar.  
“I honestly didn’t expect you to be alone. I thought Happy would be with you at least.” He said. Natsu didn’t like how casually he’d said his best friend’s name but remained silent.  
Zeref walked past him with a subtle hint of ‘follow me’ and oddly enough the fire mage complied.   
Why did he feel safe?  
Why did Zeref seem familiar to him?

It wasn’t long before they had reached the castle, Zeref had explained on the way he was the Emperor of most of the Alakitasian region.   
Thus far, there was nothing really out of the ordinary other than the world’s most notorious dark mage ran a whole-ass country.   
“There’s a lot I _could_ tell you when it comes to all this.” Zeref gestured to the throne room. “But I know you don’t really care about that.” He looked up at the stained glass window that turned the sun various shades of oranges, reds and purples.   
Natsu looked at him and thought how insane it was at how he was casually stood next to him and was talking to him like he wasn’t some evil mage.  
But he supposed that maybe it wasn’t that simple, especially had he really took in the black-haired mages appearance and well, he looked perfectly normal. A little grey in skin tone sure, but he also looked young, innocent.   
But what bothered Natsu more than anything is that he looked familiar.  
“Who are you?” He asked causing Zeref to turn to him. “I-I mean I know you’re Zeref. But-”  
“My name is Zeref Dragneel.”   
Huh?  
“And I’m your brother.”  
What?  
“400 years ago our parents were killed by dragons-”  
What is going on?  
“-and you to in fact.”  
Natsu didn’t know how to process any of the last minute. He wanted to believe that Zeref was lying, but the sad smile on his face told him otherwise.  
“What the fuck are you talking about?” His voice came out shakier than he wished.  
“I’ve done all I could to bring you back. And created something called the Etherious in the process.”  
Stop talking.  
“That was you, Natsu. Etherious Natsu Dragneel.”  
Stop.  
“E.N.D.”   
“You’re lying.” His voice cracked.  
“I don’t need to lie. Why would I?” Zeref pulled out the familiar book he’d snatched out of Gray’s hands a few weeks prior.   
“I didn’t do those things!” He shouted. “I-I-” Before Natsu could react Zeref had shot a hole in the book which caused Natsu to stumble to the ground in pain.  
“You never would listen.”   
Natsu felt like he was drowning, he could hear Zeref talking but it was all jumbled. He couldn’t breathe.  
“Wouldn’t learn…Igneel told…plans…slayer magic…going to the future…defeat acno…”   
Natsu clutched his chest, the pain Zeref had caused had subsided but he still felt like he couldn’t breathe as he gasped for air. He felt two cold hands on his face, when he looked up he was met with a pair of crimson eyes looking back at him with a slight smile.  
“Stay with me, little brother.” Zeref tapped the book. “Burn the world for me.” The book opened, but nothing spectacular had happened. It was just… open.   
“Join me.”  
Natsu shoved Zeref away and bolted out of the room and back into the streets still struggling to breathe. His head hurt and flicker of memories from _before_ Igneel seeped into his mind.   
_Natsu it’ll be okay.  
Natsu stay here!  
Natsu.  
Natsu!  
_“Oof!” Natsu stumbled back for a moment Natsu’s mind was running a mile a minute. He tried to compose himself to apologise but the girl started rambling first.  
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I- huh.” Their eyes met. “Natsu?” He knows her. The island. Jellal. Yeah her.  
“Uh. Hey. Meredy right?” He felt his voice crack as he tried to maintain his breathing. He needed to leave now. If she was here was Jellal too? The rest of Crime Sorciere? He’d since heard the old Oracion Seis members had joined too. They couldn’t know. They would definitely kill him. He had to run.  
“Why are you-”  
He panicked and pushed pasted her mumbling he had to leave on the way. He felt guilty leaving her like that, but their whole purpose was to eliminate Zeref.   
He didn’t want to die.

Natsu ran and ran until the crowds disappeared and found a street that was practically empty. He felt like he was being dragged down into water and was gradually drowning with no one to rescue him. Everything was a blur until he eventually slumped down a wall as his legs gave in.  
He didn’t know how long he’d been there but after a while, he felt a warmth next to him and a muffled voice.  
Maybe Zeref had come to fuck with his head some more.  
“-tsu…”  
(Can’t breathe)  
“H y ro.”  
(Help)  
He felt a welcomed pressure on his wrist something about it told him it wasn’t Zeref, especially as the voice that followed became a little clearer.   
“-need to breathe.” It said.   
Natsu grabbed onto his hair as his head felt like it was going to split with the sudden appearance of unknown memories invading. The pressure on his wrist became tighter in response causing him to finally open his eyes and look at who was trying to help him.   
Natsu felt his eyes burn a little as he realised he’d been crying, it didn’t help that he was still trying to breathe.   
His vision was blurry but he managed to make out dark red hair and one purple eye look at him in worry, it didn’t seem familiar, but the smell of cigarette smoke mixed with… Ivy leaves? Yeah, he knew who this was.  
“Cobra?” His voice cracked.  
Natsu felt tiredness wash over him, the sort of tiredness that seeped into your bones and wouldn’t go away in a night.  
“Oi Pyro. You with me?”

Natsu felt too lightheaded to respond as he still gasped for air.  
“Natsu? Hey, you gotta breathe.” There was something about Cobra’s soft voice and the way he drew circles in his back that he found incredibly calming and he couldn’t tell if Cobra was winging it or had been in this position before. For now, he tried not to think and focused on the other voice and leant into him.  
Breathe dumbass he won't hurt you.  
“There we go.” After a while Cobra spoke as Natsu’s breathing started to finally even out. Natsu expected him to have left by now or at least sound annoyed but he didn’t. He sounded concerned. “Ready to tell me why you’re here alone pyro?”  
“I uh-” He didn’t know what to say. They had fought the last time they’d met, they weren’t exactly friends.  
“I heard some of it. Enough of it.” Cobra said. “I want to hear it from you though.” Natsu was too tired to run away from this and Cobra had heard enough clearly that lying wasn’t an option either.   
“I don’t know. I uh-” His breathing picked up slightly again.  
“Hey. Hey. Breathe Natsu.” His voice was strangely soothing.  
After a few more minutes Natsu decided he would be honest because there was no other way around it and dark thoughts had littered into his mind.  
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I died. Not like I’m supposed to be here.  
“Zeref’s my brother and I died like four-hundred years ago but he revived me and I grew up with the other dragon slayers and someone called Anna used the eclipse gate to bring us here and I’m E.N.D apparently and-” Natsu began to ramble as he felt another panic attack breaching the surface again. He felt Cobra squeeze his wrist again causing him to stop and let out a shallow ‘sorry.’  
“Please don’t kill me.” He whimpered.  
“I won’t need to at this rate if you don’t fucking breathe dumbass.” He responded in an unexpected way making Natsu question if he’d even listened to anything he’d just said.  
“Stop thinking. I won’t kill you and the others won’t either. What Zeref has done isn’t on you okay?” Natsu blinked in shock.  
“But the r-system-”  
“Wasn’t your fault. I’m surprised you even knew I was a part of all that.” Natsu was surprised he remembered to be honest. Erza had briefly mentioned it. “Now I probably scared Sorano running off like that so come with me.” He said.  
Natsu flinched at the mention of Sorano, which in turn meant the others _were_ there. He buried his head into his arms and felt himself shake.   
“They’ll kill me.”   
Cobra was suddenly in front of him with hands cupping Natsu’s face.  
“I’m not leaving you alone like this and I won’t let them hurt you. I promise.” There was a glint of something in his eyes, Natsu couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but he felt compelled to trust him and eventually followed him back to where their camp was on the outskirts of the city.  
As they walked, however, Natsu could feel his vision blurring more and more and was struggling to walk.   
Suddenly everything went black.  
“Whoa- He-hey!” Cobra managed to catch him before he hit the ground. He noticed the boy looked pale and was shaking again only this time the reason was clearly not emotional as his cheeks were flushed. Feeling his forehead, Cobra could tell that even for the Pyro he was far too warm.   
“Guess I’m carrying you back then.” He grumbled as he lifted Natsu onto his back.

“Erik how could you leave me like that!” The white-haired girl immediately shouted as soon as she saw him walk towards the camp. Sorano had begun to lecture him until she noticed the tuft of pink hair on his shoulder.  
“Huh? What’s the Fairy brat doing on your back?” She asked a little concerned having already noted Natsu’s clear fever.   
“I’ll explain in a bit, the others here?” He continued walking towards one of the tents gently setting him down on the bed that was really just a few blankets, he gave Natsu a quick look, his fever didn’t look any better, but he didn’t look any worse either so that was something.   
“Jellal and Meredy went to get some food, they should be back soon. Apparently Zeref is the Emperor of this place so we need to be careful, guess not getting a hotel makes sense now.” Macbeth appeared from the woods with Sawyer and Richard just behind him was carrying some logs for a fire and a large jug of water.   
“Yeah, I know. That’s what I needed to talk about.” Erik grumbled.   
“What’s Zeref got to do with the Fairy Tail kid?” Macbeth cocked his head in confusion.  
“Why that brat here anyway?” Sawyer interjected, Erik simply sighed. These idiots exhausted him sometimes, as he ignored Richard’s comment about ‘love’. Erik took some water from the jug and took a small towel from Sorano and Meredy’s tent, ignoring the girl’s protests and dampened the dragon slayers forehead. He could see Natsu relax a little at the coldness.   
“I forget you can be a softie sometimes.” Sorano cooed.  
“I’m not soft!” Erik shouted back with immediate guilt, as Natsu slightly flinched at his raised voice. Okay, maybe he had gone soft a little. He wasn’t going to admit that though. The only other living thing he’d ever shown compassion for was Cubellios, sure he’d look out for his family, but she had understood him in a way. He knew that was odd since to most she was just a snake, but she’d kept him sane when he was in that tower.   
He’s glad he got to kill Brain for killing her. He hopes that demon rots in hell. He even remembered Natsu showing compassion towards her all those years ago. It seemed right to help the boy now. He knew even back then that Natsu was just trying to protect those he cared about just as Erik was.   
Erik just happened to be on the receiving end of the fire dragon’s wrath, but he was silently glad that he’d beat the shit out of both Brain and Zero. Erik had much respect for the dragon slayer. In fact, he had a lot of respect for most of the Fairy Tail guild.   
He’d never say that out loud though.   
“Oh my god! You found him!” Erik had been so lost in thought he hadn’t heard Meredy or Jellal approaching or Meredy running in the tent nearly tripping over herself.   
“Y-you were looking for him?” Erik looked up at the dishevelled girl. He looked past to see a bag of food on the floor and a tired-looking Jellal. She must of dropped it when she saw Natsu.   
“Not-not exactly. I mean we’d gone to get food and Sorano had said you’d ditched her- which sounds like you.” She laughed at little as Erik sighed prompting her to get to the point. “A-anyway. _Before_ we’d left to get food I’d found out Zeref was the emperor and on my way back to camp to tell everyone but, I’d ran into Natsu, but he didn’t look himself.” She knelt down on the opposite side and looked at Natsu solemnly. “Erik?”  
“Mmm?”  
“What happened? I’m guessing you rushed off because you’d heard him.”   
Erik sighed. There was no easy way to explain and Natsu’s explanation had been rather brief and so erratic that Erik didn’t even understand half of it. He looked to the tent's entrance to see the others waiting intently for an explanation, although Jellal was looking at Natsu with a worried look Erik hadn’t seen on his face before.   
Natsu had helped him too after all.  
Now it was their turn to return the favour.   
So Erik explained. He told them about Zeref’s connection to Natsu and Natsu being E.N.D and mentioned the eclipse gate the best he could but at that point Natsu hadn’t made much sense so he couldn’t really explain that one. The entire time Erik was either looking at the sick boy or Jellal because out of everyone Jellal and Erik had a similar relationship with the pink-haired pyro so it was Jellal’s opinion that he was most curious about.   
He’d watched the blue-haired mages face go from worried confusion to seething anger which actually terrified him a little. Jellal was always pretty composed and calm. Anger wasn’t something Erik had seen him express before.   
Erik tensed as for a brief moment he’d thought that Jellal was going to kill Natsu there and then, but he could hear it. He could hear that the anger wasn’t at Natsu.  
It was _for_ him.   
Then Jellal said something Erik never thought he’d hear from the mage.  
“What the _fuck_?”

“He looks exhausted.” Meredy had taken Erik’s place tending to Natsu’s fever. It had gone down a lot since last night but was still evidently there, not to mention he was still unconscious.  
“I mean he had a pretty bad panic attack over finding out his brother is Zeref and that you know… he died.” Erik said with a twinge of sarcasm. “Think you would too.” Meredy rolled her eyes at his response as she continued to tend to the boy in front of her.  
“Do you think he’s gonna be okay?” Sorano whispered from behind.  
“We’ll keep an eye on him. This _is_ Natsu we’re talking about.” Meredy chuckled but there was little happiness to it. “It’s just- just going to take time.” She gave a small smile.  
“Jeez. We’re really in deep this time.” Sawyer groaned from outside the tent looking up to the blue midday sky. “Feels like we’re coming full circle.”  
“What d’ya mean?” Erik raised his brow.  
“The tower. I mean all this talk of Zeref jus’ feels like we’re going back. I know we’re not it’s jus’, fuck. I dunno.” He stopped giving up on his train of thought. Erik just hummed, he understood what he meant and as he looked around everyone but Meredy understood. She had her own hardships and a Zeref cult group had changed her life to what it is now. But she got saved, in a roundabout way, they hadn’t been. Especially Jellal. Which was probably hard to think about, the woman who ‘saved’ her, destroyed him.

Erik often woke up to the feeling of chains around his wrists and felt like he was suffocating. Brain hadn’t saved them, he only dragged them down deeper. He still felt like he was drowning in the darkness. When he looked at the others, the only other person who he could hear feel like that was Jellal.   
Sorano and Richard had the hope of their siblings, Sawyer said he was always a street rat and was content as long as he wasn’t alone, Macbeth was pretty much the same. Meredy decided she wouldn’t dwell on the past and would only look ahead, which sounded like something Erza would have said. He and Jellal clearly struggled to share that sentiment though.  
They never talked about it however, it was like an unspoken rule not to.

The evening drew in quickly and Erik was still stuck with his thoughts having barely paid any mind to anyone else. Richard was cooking by the fire with Sawyer and Macbeth silently watching. Erik sat in the main tent entrance near Jellal and Meredy who were talking about something the dragon slayer paid no attention to.  
Erik’s thoughts broke away from him shortly after however when Natsu started to stir, he was waking up.


	11. Flames 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu wakes up and the group prepare with a destination in mind ...

“Natsu…” A voice whispered in Natsu’s ear causing him to wake up.  
“Huh?” Nobody was there. When he looked around he realised he had no idea where he was or how he’d even gotten there, but appeared to be in a family-sized tent. The only thing that he recognised was his scarf, other than that, the books, clothes and array of plates were all alien to him.  
“Uh? Hello?” He called out to no response.  
Eventually, Natsu got up and grabbed his scarf wrapping it around his neck. Usually it was out of habit, but this time he actually felt cold. There was a familiar presence in the distance, it felt… warm? Without much reaction or thought Natsu ran off into the darkness trying to find the source. Before long he was far from the guild and had ventured into the woods.  
Wait…  
The guild?  
He was at the guild before right?  
No.  
Something wasn’t right.  
“No. No. No. Nononono-” Natsu twisted and turned only met by a maze of trees. He could hear the sounds of laughter and talking from his guildmates echoing around him.  
He’d left the guild.  
He’d left Happy.  
He was alone.  
Natsu tries to recollect himself. The tent, long forgotten by now as his mind went into a panic.  
He’d gone to Alakitasia.  
He’d met Zeref.  
Zeref was his brother.  
He died four-hundred years ago.  
Natsu’s breathing picked up as he fell to the cold hard ground which had originally been grass. He looked down and was met with cobblestone. Looking up he could see the trees were now buildings with one looming castle in the distance.

With much effort, Natsu lifted himself off the ground and began to venture towards the castle. Each step became heavier and colder.  
His head hurt. It felt like it’d been smashed against the corner of a wooden table.  
The laughter had ceased and was replaced with worrying fear and screaming. Screams of fear and pain. The castle while he did get closer to it, it also appeared to blur as flames began to burn the houses around him. Looking at them, however, he noted the houses looked older, they weren’t stone or brick-like before, but more like wooden shacks with thatched rooves. They burnt down fairly quickly and the castle had turned into what looked like a school?  
Natsu kept walking. And walking. And walking. Eventually, his hand was on the door handle. Everything was now silent, save the odd squelching noise and a girl giggling from inside the building.  
His head hurt.  
“Why don’t you come inside little dragon?” An unfamiliar cheery voice rang out making Natsu’s blood run cold.  
His hand was locked in place. He didn’t want to open the door and yet, he did. But any sign of a girl or the source of the disturbing noise had vanished. It also looked like he was in one of the smaller homes he saw burning outside before.  
The warmth had returned and the place looked welcoming, homely, as a warm light peered through the window lighting up the oak wood dining table that had dirty empty bowls rested on it as though someone had been there recently.  
And Zeref was there in front of him.  
“What the hell!” Natsu shouted at him, fear now replaced with anger.  
Zeref smiled.  
“What the fuck did you do to me?!” He was angry. But, he felt a force stopping him from running up and hitting him. He started coughing again, his throat burning up.  
Zeref, remaining silent, summoned forth the book on END. Natsu’s eyes lit up with panic upon its gaze.  
“Don’t you dare!” A voice came from behind Natsu. It sounded like Gray. But why was he here?  
Natsu continued coughing.  
“It…hurts…” struggling for breath, he fell to his knees. It wasn’t his throat, but his heart. It began beating rapidly.  
Gray ran over to him.  
“Natsu!” He kneeled next to him and looked at the black mage, “You bastard! What have you done?!”  
“Nothing.” Zeref looked down at his brother.  
“Liar!” He growled.  
Natsu started coughing up pools of blood, he felt like he was drowning.  
“H-hey, Natsu…” Gray looked panicked. He tried casting a spell on Zeref to stop him, but nothing happened. Zeref placed the book on the floor and a magic circle appeared around it.  
Zeref was gone.  
The book lay there, open.  
Natsu spluttered and hacked up more blood as he went to grab for Gray who had left him to get the book.  
“Gr...ay…” his voice was broken while coughing up ounces of blood. He noticed the blood was black.  
“Hey, hey don’t talk aright. You’re gonna be okay.” Despite being away from him, Gray’s voice sounded close.  
Natsu gave out a whimper. He wanted to scream out in pain, but his voice box had given out. He felt a sharp pain surge through his entire body causing him to shriek.  
It…hurts…make it…stop…” multiples of everything in his sight formed before him, making him feel sick.  
“You’re gonna be okay. We’ll go back to the guild. You can get some sleep. I promise you’re going to be okay. Just stay with me.” It sounded like Gray was talking to him, but as Natsu looked up the other mage was stood, back to him holding onto _his_ book.  
And then Gray was gone, the coldness returned and the blood had disappeared.  
Suddenly, the empty room seemed larger, with a mess of chairs and desks scattered around, windows shattered and room cold. Natsu felt small and noticed his scarf had gone, replaced with a fine silver locket that rested coldly around his neck.  
“I have a promise to keep.” Suddenly, Gray was in front of him, eyes cold with hatred and disgust. Before he could react an icy knife made its way towards-  
“Natsu!” He sat up to the sound of his name but flinched when he felt a warm hand gently placed on his shoulder. After a few moments of trying to catch his breath, he rubbed his eyes trying to rid of the deep sleep.  
“Whoa, easy Natsu.” A female voice sounded from his right. When he turned his head he was met with pink hair.  
“Uh?” Meredy. That’s right he’d run into her. He looked around the tent and saw Cobra sat by the entrance just behind were the other ex-Oracion Seis members (he couldn’t remember their names aside from Angel), they all had an unreadable look on their faces. Was it fear? Hatred? Worry?  
He’d told Cobra everything. Why the fuck did he do that?!? He needed to leave, he needed to-  
“Natsu?” A very familiar male voice came from his left. Jellal. Natsu daren’t look at him but he felt too tired to get up and run so instead he looked down and shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.  
“So uh. Hey. I guess.” His voice cracked barely letting a sound out, fortunately, he was loud enough for them to hear.

He heard Jellal shift his position as well as the others outside pretend to ignore the situation and resume whatever they had been doing prior to him waking up. They weren’t very subtle though, not that he could blame them. He already figured Cobra had told them.  
Which brought his attention to the other dragon slayer, he didn’t look for long but he could hear that he hadn’t actually moved from his position by the entrance, he seemed oddly relaxed too. Natsu thought he was pretty good at reading people, despite everyone thinking he was an idiot but Cobra was an oddity. Then again, so was he.   
Time seemed to slow down as an unsettling silence loomed over him, at least until Jellal sighed tiredly.  
“Natsu.” Despite only saying his name, the way Jellal drew it out as a sigh, left an unspoken ‘look at me’ which the fire mage eventually did. “We’re not going to kill you okay.” His eyes held nothing but trust, even still, Natsu was a little apprehensive about the sudden acceptance.  
That was something he would do. Not Jellal. Right?  
The wording, on the other hand, meant that Cobra had told them of his _minor_ meltdown. He should have expected that. Natsu was unsure as to why he hadn’t. At least it meant he wouldn’t have to talk much about it then. But he also wasn’t ready to face reality.  
“R-right. Sorry.” He mumbled.

The days went by in a blur for Natsu, he didn’t even realise the group had split up and that he was only with Cobra, Jellal and Meredy. It was something Cobra had picked up on and had told him they had stayed behind to monitor Zeref and his army.  
Cobra. That was someone Natsu couldn’t figure out. He was a sarcastic shit most of the time who acted like he didn’t care. But Natsu hadn’t forgotten about the snake, Cube-something-or-other. There were also little things he did, like ‘accidentally’ nudging him went he got too far inside his own head or when the nightmares will start he’ll be there to calm him down and won’t bring it up again.  
So the days have passed in a blur. Until Cobra comes into view. Cobra who’s supposed to be an arrogant dick. Cobra who would only care about a dead snake.  
Cobra who’d become the word safety to Natsu.  
The day Natsu realised that, was nearly a month into their journey. He’d woken up in a cold sweat once again from a nightmare, or rather a memory of something that had happened only days earlier. The feeling of dread and paranoia overwhelmed him. It hadn’t been the first time that the other dragon slayer had silently walked over, wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his back and encouraged him to breathe until he fell asleep again, but it was probably the first time that week Natsu hadn’t fallen asleep straight after calming down and actually took in the other's presence.  
“Why are you helping me?” His voice was hoarse but he hoped it was loud enough Cobra could hear.  
“Because I don’t like seeing you like this.” He sheepishly responded, clearly Natsu had woken him up which only made the guilt deepen.  
“But I burned you.” His voice cracked, suddenly making him sound much younger.  
Natsu still didn’t really understand what had happened a week ago, one minute he’d been walking with the full group, the next Cobra had been hugging him, arms covered in burn marks and the smell of burning wood strong in his nose. Then it was like he blinked and he was walking again, only it was just Meredy, Jellal and Cobra with him.  
After a moment of silence, Cobra sighed and pulled away from hug facing him with deep, sad purple eyes.  
“I’m not going to let you suffer alone dumbass.”  
Something about the statement made him smile. Possibly because it reminded him of a certain Ice-Mage who he wouldn’t admit he missed (not gonna happen Natsu, move on).  
“Thanks, Erik.” The day he realised Erik became his safety, was also the day he stopped calling him Cobra and the poison mage never questioned it. Natsu hadn’t missed the slight smirk when he said it either.   
Neither questioned the fact that they had slept in the same bed that night either.  
“Get some sleep Natsu you look like shit.”  
“No you.”  
Erik had said nothing when Natsu crawled into his bed shaking with adrenaline and fear from yet another nightmare the next night either, and simply pulled the boy towards him and whispered: “I’ve got you.” Softly in his ear.  
It didn’t make the voice stop, or the nightmares go away. But knowing he wasn’t alone was enough, knowing someone would be there to pull him from the darkness was enough.  
For now at least.

“Why do I need to get up now, it’s so early?” Natsu made a half-hearted attempt to swat Erik away, the other merely let out a soft chuckle in response.  
“Well. You kept me awake with your damn snoring, it’s only fair. Besides, we’ve been here too long and I think some of the locals recognise Jellal.”  
“Doesn’t explain why I have to get up at- five in the damn morning.” He groaned.  
“You’re not a wanted criminal, I’d like to keep it that way.” Erik snorted at his protest, which contradicted his action of getting up and getting dressed for the day.  
“You guys ready? There’s a train that leaves in ten minutes.” Meredy popped into the room looking far too happy for the time of day it was. At least in Natsu’s opinion, although secretly Erik felt the same. It _was_ too damn early for this shit, but if he admitted that to the pink-haired mage, then said mage would convince him to go back to bed and like the idiot Erik is, he’d happily oblige.  
He didn’t understand when it happened, but some point in the last few weeks Erik had developed a soft spot for the dumbass pyro.  
Erik wasn’t a soft person. Or at least he wasn’t supposed to be. But somehow Natsu broke that.  
Erik was _not_ soft dammit!

“Y-you know we could just walk?” Natsu paled at the sight of the ugly evil contraption, also called the train.  
“Natsu we aren’t walking.” Jellal tried to sound indifferent, but couldn’t help but be amused by the dragon slayer. Or rather dragon _slayers_.  
“But-” Erik who looked equally as pale, went to protest, but before he could finish Meredy had dragged both of them onto the train while Jellal took the little luggage they had. The woman was strong when she wanted something done. She was also evil for opting to take a four-hour train journey instead of walking for three days.  
“ _Welcome to Oakson Trainline. There will be six stops on this journey. The final stop will be Valle Mortis Town in Bellum. We should arrive there in four hours.”_  
“Fuck.”  
“I think I’m gonna throw up.” Natsu slumped into a chair, as Erik practically lay across the table immediately feeling like death the moment the train started to move.  
“You’ll live.” Meredy chuckled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kicks down door*  
> Hey there fuckers, it me ya boi. 
> 
> So I did post an update, but if you didn't see it the tdlr is my mental health hasn't been great, my job is shit, COVID made it shitter (also putting a bunch of moving out plans on hold) and I'd had this chapter half-written for weeks, as well as many opportunities to work on it. I just didn't. 
> 
> But, I found some motivation to work on it today so here we are. It's short and future chapters will be longer. But it felt like a good place to stop the chapter there. I will admit, I think one of the reasons I struggled was because I had too many characters present, so yeah there is a skip (only like a month) because I didn't really feel like writing about the other crime sorciere members. Was it a copout? probably. Do I care? No. 
> 
> There's is some budding NatsuxCobra though so hope you enjoy. 
> 
> -Max


	12. Flames 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Quit whining and start looking.” He said as he pushed over the backstage door, its creaking echoed down the hallway.  
>  “For what exactly? Some dumb book?” He sounded agitated as he pushed past Erik and waltzed into the room. It looked like it was once the prop and preparations area judging from the rusted paint bowls, the semi-melted giant birdcage and a few other circus-like props.  
> Erik sighed, Natsu was definitely in a shitty mood, but he knew it wasn’t as simple as being tired. Natsu wasn’t the grumpy type, he’s also not angry unless you gave him a reason to be. That’s what bothered Erik about their first fight. Not once was Natsu generally angry with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gets a lil dark towards the end. I wouldn't say its trigger warning worthy but y'know.  
> Also, a lot of this chapter was reused from the original version of this fanfic, hence why I got it up so quickly. But originally, they would have been in Bosco there's no real reason why I've changed that other than I just wanted to make up more places rather than use canon environments. Also originally it was Natsu, Lucy, Happy, Gray and Erza because Natsu never went with CS and I'd left the year gap as ambiguous as the canon, but not anymore! AHA HAH.
> 
> Also most of you probably wouldn't have remembered or cared that much but they travelled East not West, I realised this mistake when I looked at the canon Fairy Tail Map lol. I have gone back to change it, but knowing me I've probably missed it somewhere (let me know if you see it). 
> 
> Fluff and angst ahead bois. 
> 
> \- Max

_Natsu…  
Wake up.  
Can you hear me?  
It’s okay I’m right here, I’m not leaving.  
Stay with me.  
Forever.  
_Natsu jolted himself awake. He was still on the train heading Bellum and looking outside they were definitely somewhere in Desierto, he’d only seen pictures, but the tall red trees gave it away. The royal-looking Minstrel long behind them.  
Fiore even further.  
Opposite him was a sick-looking-sleeping Erik who was slumped across the table, while next to Natsu, Meredy seemed engrossed in some fantasy novel that he was pretty sure he’d seen Lucy read before.  
Next to Eric was Jellal who’d noticed Natsu’s sudden awake and gave him a concerned glance.  
Natsu looked at him, sighed, then swiftly turned his head to look out the window. He knew what he was about to ask.  
“’M fine” he muttered.  
But, Jellal wasn’t convinced.  
“Are you?” He asked in a sceptical tone.  
“I feel sick still but that’s nothing new.” Natsu tried to joke and deflect the conversation. Jellal wasn’t going to bit, however.  
“Natsu-”  
“I’m fine. Seriously. Just tired.” The motion sickness was still very much there, but it was more like a dull ache, mostly because he'd gotten used to the feeling which usually happened with longer journeys.  
“You wanna talk about it?” Jella pushed on.  
“No.”  
“Okay.” Jellal took a mental note that Natsu is definitely not a morning person and left it at that.  
The silence resumed and Natsu looked back to the window watching the world go by and listening to the rattling of the train.  
**Pathetic** _.  
_(I don’t wanna hear that shit right now.)  
**Tch. Someone’s in it shitty mood.  
**(Piss off.)  
_Just_ the rattling of the train.

“Helllooo. Earth to Natsu?” Meredy waved her hand in front of his face.  
He leaned away in surprise.  
“We’re nearly there.” Jellal piped up while Erik groaned half-asleep next to him.  
“O-oh” He was confused. Did he sleep? The last few hours were blank, but when he looked out the window, the train had slowed coming out of the tunnel to reveal a run down, grim-looking slum town. Valle Mortis.  
Something about the name unsettled Natsu.  
But through the valley, they went.

Valle Mortis was a highly run-down slum, filled with outlaws, drugs, sex and violence. When Natsu though back to his first meeting with Lucy, he has a feeling this was where she would have been sold on to from Bosco, because Bosco was like a slighter richer version of this place, at least living-wise. Customer-wise, Valle Mortis got more traction because it was off-grid and right next to the Pergrande border and the ‘workers’ were cheaper. It was easier for rich men to cheat on their wives here. And vice-versa apparently.  
While it seemed like Natsu just beat the guy up because he was using the Fairy Tail and _his_ name for money and fame. He did pay attention and was well aware of the sex trafficking that went on at many port towns. The false identity was just what got his attention first and was easier to explain to everyone, much the councils surprise though he had be mature and told them everything, which probably explained why Jellal saw right through his whole idiocy façade and why since then he’ll let it slip in front of the blue-haired mage.   
Obviously, he hadn’t told any of this to an innocent Happy or naive Lucy, because he knew neither had fully comprehended the situation (granted Lucy probably didn’t want to think about where she could have ended up).

Coming here was dangerous would have been dangerous for a fairy, so Natsu was glad he’d since removed his mark, granted it was with much hesitation as he’d learnt the hard way that hiding a mark and actually removing it are two different things. Removing meant there was no risk to the magic wearing off. Removing also hurt like a bitch.  
He could still be recognised, but as long as he wasn’t affiliated with the guild it didn’t matter in his opinion.  
Most people here weren’t mages, but they’d likely watched the magic games mostly to study potential enemies. Of course, they also knew it’d be a death wish to challenge a mage, especially one from one of Fiore’s top guilds. But, some had a death wish in a place like this.  
“We should get moving. It’s not smart to linger here and we didn’t come here to pick fights. Natsu.” Erik dragged him forward as they got off the train. “Oi Jellal are we stoppin’ here tonight or going ahead to Pergrande?”  
“There’s an inn towards the border, the owner knows me. We’ll stop for the night. It’s safe. There’s something I want to check out here.” While Natsu didn’t care about being recognised, the others clearly did. Not for their sake, but his. He decided not to comment on this, however.  
**They think you’re weak.  
**Natsu felt Erik’s grip grow tighter around his wrist causing the voice to tune out again. He ignored the fact that the other man hadn’t let go all the way to the inn, which had been a ten-minute walk.

After dumping their luggage and deciding who slept where, since there were two rooms, (both with two single beds) Jellal explained that there was an old rundown theatre he wanted to investigate. After looking through many journals in the abandoned Minstrel college he noticed the theatre been mentioned a few times.  
What had grabbed his interest, however, was the mention of the use of slaves that had been taken from a dragon village in the east and that some ended up here for a circus of sorts. It wasn’t a huge amount to go off. But aside from the name Dragneel, Igneel and the odd mention of the east in Zeref’s school notes, they had little to start from anyway. This felt like a start in _a_ direction. Whether it was the _right_ direction was still up for debate. Either way, it would send them into the Pergrande Kingdom, Jellal just hoped it would give them a more specific location.

They hurried along towards the other edge of town where there was a rundown looking theatre. It was clearly no longer in use, judging from the few homeless that slept in the reception hall as well as the bordered up windows.  
“This looks welcoming.” Erik muttered.  
“This place is around four-hundred years old. The last time it was refurbished was fifty years ago, just before the economy here crashed and went into _other_ business. So be careful what you touch and where you walk.” Meredy looked a little apprehensive, but it was clear the few that ‘lived’ there were unbothered by their entrance and just wanted to sleep.  
The group walked through the entrance of the rotted place and headed towards the staging area.  
“You know its great n’ all coming here but what are we actually looking for?” Natsu asked.  
“I knew you weren’t listening.” Erik snapped. But, listening or not, deep down he was thinking the same.  
“I was, arsehole. I just- don’t really know what I should look for?” He swatted his arm.  
“Maybe a journal or something. A slave book most likely. It might point us in the right direction.” Said Jellal.  
Home.  
That was the right direction.

_“So killing Zeref is great ‘n all but how exactly do you think you’re going to pull that off?” Natsu asked, his brother name still leaving an odd taste in his mouth.  
Jellal looked down for a moment, clearly in thought.  
“I don’t know. But maybe going back to the start might help.”  
“The start? You mean like where he got the curse?”  
“Possibly. But I think you’re the key. So maybe further than that.” Jellal looked at him with unspoken pity.  
Oh.  
“That start.”  
“If we kill Zeref I don’t want to kill you too.” He said.  
Natsu looked dumbfounded by that. Killing Zeref had become Jellal’s mission, so much so that he thought that Jellal would have done anything, sacrificed anything to make that happen.  
Apparently Natsu was wrong.  
“Jellal-”  
“Natsu you wanted me to live.”  
Don’t say it.  
“I want you to live too.”  
Fuck.  
He was going to find out if Zeref had really revived him or cloned him then.  
Possibly even remembering how he died.  
“Neat.” _

Natsu noticed something about the woodwork. Some of it seemed scorched underneath what was the ‘refurbishment’, meaning it wasn’t something done after it’d closed down fifty years ago.  
“Hey, when was this place last done again?” He asked.  
“I told you.” Meredy sighed, “About 50 years ago, according to reports. Why?”  
“Was there anything about it being burnt? Or why it got refurbished?”  
“Not that I know of. But, it did mention something about the refurbishment was only done to a standard in which it wouldn’t fall down. They couldn’t afford more than that. So, really these walls and everything are four-hundred years old.” She replied.  
“What’s got you so suddenly interested?” Erik intervened.   
“The wood’s burnt.” Natsu stated matter-of-factly. Something about it felt, familiar.  
“Guess you’re an expert in burnt wood.” He smirked as he received a playful shove from Natsu as he mumbled a quiet ‘fuck off’ under his breath. Of course, Erik heard him though.  
**You’d know about burnt flesh too.  
**(Don’t ruin it arsehole.)  
“Jus’ seems odd.” He eventually shrugged. “It doesn’t look like it was a small fire. Every bit of wood is either completely ash or black and I know it’s not the paint.” He spoke in confusion.  
There was nothing about a fire was in any reports Meredy pondered.  
“Could this have been done after the last report was made? I mean it was fifty years ago.” She wondered. Although, they all seemed more bewildered that it was Natsu who noticed and that it hadn’t even occurred to any of them. Looking around though, he was right, and it was under the ‘newer’ wallpaper and paint jobs.  
“It is odd.” Said Jellal. “I don’t think the reports mention anything about a serious fire. Besides, this seems old now that I look at it. Much older than fifty years.” He pulled back a piece of wallpaper to reveal black wood.  
It was evident that the theatre was falling apart. It _was_ over four-hundred years old after all. The people of this world gave up caring for it years ago, and yet, the place was stubborn. It still had life. A story to tell.  
“A little odd is an understatement.” Erik snorted. “I mean, Natsu here was the one to notice.” He added, looking at the pyro who was clearly a few seconds away from killing him. But Natsu decided to remain silent. He’d since discovered Meredy was somehow scarier than Erza after watching Erik and Racer fight and bicker a few times.  
Erik was slightly grateful Natsu wasn’t going to bite. But he knew he’d probably punch him later. Teasing the boy was amusing nonetheless.  
“If I can trust you two to stay on track, maybe it’d be best we split up. This place is bigger than I thought.” Meredy eyed to the dragon slayers, Natsu nodded with his big green eyes focused on her. He was looking exhausted again, not in the lack of sleep way however, in the way that told her the demon had been talking again.  
Meanwhile, Erik looked like his usual unamused self. Although she hadn’t missed the way he’d kept an eye on the tired boy next to him.

Natsu and Erik walked downs a long dingy hallway that lead to the backstage, while Meredy and Jellal search around the stage and seating area.  
“This place just looks depressing.” Natsu mumbled.  
“Well, it’s old dumbass. It probably looked better four-hundred years ago.”  
“Why is it so dark.”  
“It’s old.” Erik drew out the final word to emphasize his point. Clearly Natsu was in a complaining mood. He ignored Natsu’s mumbled response.  
“Quit whining and start looking.” He said as he pushed over the backstage door, its creaking echoed down the hallway.  
“For what exactly? Some dumb book?” He sounded agitated as he pushed past Erik and waltzed into the room. It looked like it was once the prop and preparations area judging from the rusted paint bowls, the semi-melted giant birdcage and a few other circus-like props.  
Erik sighed, Natsu was definitely in a shitty mood, but he knew it wasn’t as simple as being tired. Natsu wasn’t the grumpy type, he’s also not angry unless you gave him a reason to be. That’s what bothered Erik about their first fight. Not once was Natsu generally angry with him.  
Hearing about some of his other fights, particularly his one with Jellal, he was a little grateful the dragon slayer was never pissed off at him.  
Silently Erik followed him, he wasn’t going to push just yet and was hoping Natsu would come to him first. But the other is annoyingly good at bottling shit up, he wondered if the other Fairies were aware of that.  
Something told him they weren’t. His conversation with Erza two weeks before said as much.

_Erik looked at the redhead through the glassy orb, she looked as serious as always. He still didn’t get why he had to communicate with her. The Avatar deal was Jellal’s idea, he wasn’t his fucking PR.  
“Is that everything?” She asked.  
“Pretty much all he told me.” He shrugged indifferently.  
Erza looked deep in thought and the call was silent for a moment. Erik had half-wondered if it was time to hang up, until she spoke again.  
“Maybe I’ll talk with Gray.”  
Gray? Oh, the ice-mage. Natsu mentioned him a few times. Out of all of them, he talked about that one the most. It was a little endearing, but Erik had noticed the sad look he had whenever he mentioned him. He could tell it wasn’t that he missed home.  
He missed him.  
Erik shook away the thoughts and tuned back in having realised Erza was rambling about something.  
“Talk to loverboy about it I don’t care.” He mused at her face turning as bright as her hair.  
“W-wha- L-lo- Erik!?” She coughed trying to hide the embarrassment. “You do care, don’t act like you don’t.” She tried, and failed, to keep composure.  
“Whatever.” He grumbled. “This is Jellal’s thing anyway. He’s just busy with something and wanted you to know as soon as.” He wasn’t going to tell her that he was busy figuring out reading through the school diaries of Zeref Dragneel and that Natsu was with them. Natsu didn’t know about the contact with Erza because Jellal didn’t want him to worry. It was only fair they didn’t make Erza worried about Natsu. Although Natsu leaving the guild after the death of a dragon who was basically a father to him probably had her worried.  
“You haven’t come across Natsu and Happy by any chance have you?” She suddenly asked, snapping him out of his worry.  
“Wha-”  
“He needs to apologise to Lucy.” She said with slight anger in her tone. Apparently not worried by his sudden absence.  
Lucy? What did that idiot do that he needs to apologise to his best friend?  
“I’m not getting involved in any fairy quarrel.” He remained stoic and unfazed by the sudden request.  
Erza grumbled something along the lines of ‘how could he leave her’ and ‘just a note’ but the static made it hard for even Erik to pick it all up.  
What he did grasp however as well as what Natsu explained in brief to him a week after he’d joined them was that he’d left her a note to say he was leaving for a year with Happy to be better and that blondie was now alone.  
What he also understood is shortly after his departure, everyone else had followed suit along with the guild disbanding.  
All-in-all Erza wasn’t worried about Natsu leaving after not seeing anyone but his exceed for two-week prior but was angry he’d left Lucy alone. Lucy who had plenty of other friends that had also left her. Lucy who clearly relied on Natsu too much but couldn’t be there for him when it counted.  
Something about that pissed Erik off and regardless of whether Erza was talking or not he’d hung up without any goodbye.  
Weren’t they family? _

Erik looked over to the tanned boy who stared at the metal cage lost deep in thought.  
“Why would they renovate and not get rid of all this?” He asked voice quieter than usual, as though he’d forgotten Erik was there and he was talking to himself.  
“Money probably.” He spoke gently and gripped Natsu’s should causing him to jerk slightly before easing into the gesture.  
“You okay?” Erik eventually asked.  
“No.” He mumbled in shame, refusing to look at him.  
“You want to talk about it?”  
“Not really.”  
“I’m a pretty good listener y’know.”  
Natsu snapped his head to him with a slight smile fighting its way to the surface.  
“Wa-was that supposed to be ironic?”  
Erik smirked.  
“Kinda. You smiled though. So I win.”  
Natsu mocked betrayal before the two burst into laughter. It was such a stupid thing to laugh about but they were both tired so anything was amusing at this point.  
“You’re an idiot.” Natsu said.  
“I know. But, you’re the last person who gets to tell me that.” Erik sighed. “We need to find what we can quickly. I don’t want to hang around this place any longer than we need to. It’s creeping me out.”

This was a theatre, there weren’t many places to go, and nearly every floorboard creaked. Yet the place was silent aside from the noise being made from those still in the building. After some rummaging around, Erik found a locked door near the back of the building.  
“Huh. This place is bigger than I thought.” He said to himself.  
“You find something?” Natsu appeared behind him and he raised a brow at the door. “Maybe it just leads outside?”  
“There’s no draft though.” Erik stood from his crouched position and kicked down the door in one swift motion revealing a corridor.  
The two stared at down the long, dark corridor before hesitating to step inside. There were a few doors, some already broken, others fixed in place as fake doors and were likely to also be locked. The whole thing was eerie and neither wanted to go in first.  
“Well something was going to break with us around,” Natsu mumbled gaining a chuckle from Erik.  
“Surprised it was you?” He questions.  
“Makes a nice change.” He snorted in response.

It took some time but Erik took the first step. Reluctantly, Natsu followed. Erik felt a wave of unease creep over him. This place felt wrong.  
It smelt like death.  
“-Cold.” Natsu said breaking Erik from his thoughts.  
“Huh?” He turned to look at him, Natsu had grown pale with pupils blown wide.  
“I feel cold.” He started to shake, stopping in his tracks.  
“Maybe we should turn back.” Erik walked back to him and gently put the back of his hand on his forehead.  
He felt cold. The fire dragon slayer was _cold._  
“Scrap that we _are_ turning back.”  
“I-it’s fine. I’m fine. There might be something.” He weakly protested.  
“Natsu.” He sighed, “We’re going back.” He said taking no other remarks from him.  
“Bu-”   
Before Natsu could continue Erik had grabbed his wrist and made the walk back. Surprisingly they’d walked further than he realised. He also took note that this place ran underground, which for some reason he hadn’t realised before despite clearly walking down a set of stairs. Why hadn’t he noticed that? How did they end up making a five minute walk before stopping? Why were there so many fake doors? The questions that ran through Erik’s head were endless. But for now Natsu was his focus. Maybe Jellal and Meredy could see this place. They didn’t have heightened senses, so maybe they’d be less paranoid.

With a quick explanation to the other two, Erik had practically dragged Natsu back to the inn with little protest, meanwhile, Jellal and Meredy explored the creepy corridor. It was now dark out when he’d stepped outside and realised they’d been in there for nearly two hours.  
Natsu had grown even more exhausted in that time, but when they entered the room Natsu sat on the bed, breathing ragged as he’d just ran a marathon and face flushed with a temperature.  
After a moment of orienting himself, Natsu’s breathing evened out and the minor fever dropped. However, he was pale and far too quiet.   
“Drink this.” Erik shoved a glass of water in front of him, begrudgingly Natsu obliged, only to take a small sip as if working on autopilot as he stared blankly at the floor.

He’d come to learn that Natsu had two states of panic. The ones after a nightmare, which were pretty obvious as he usually hyperventilated (he’d often talk about drowning so it was possible he was still in the dream after waking up) and was often erratic.  
These ones were harder to handle for Erik though although he had had experience with Sorano on the few occasions she'd done the same. This quiet, blank NatsuwNatsu he 'zones out' were difficult. Where Natsu would shake slightly, say nothing and have hollow green orbs for eyes stare blankly at nothing for either minutes or even hours. The worst part was about these attacks was there wasn’t any particular trigger for them. Sometimes there was, and when there was it was usually the demons doing, but it wasn’t always the case, which is why it made it so much harder to bring him back to reality.   
Nonetheless, Erik had a routine for it anyway. He sighed and sat down next to him on the bed.  
“Where are you?” Asked Erik.  
“The inn.” Natsu said, voice sounding far away.  
“Do you remember how you got in here?” he asked.  
“You brought me here.” He said still looking at his feet.  
“What you looking at?” Erik mused.  
No response.  
“Natsu you with me?”  
“Mmm.”  
Erik shuffled closer to him on the bed.  
“Can you look at me?”  
Slowly, but surely, Natsu lifted his head and looked at him with dim green eyes, a flicker of life started to flow back into them as his shaking started to ease.  
“I’m here Erik,” Natsu whispered with more emotion than he’d shown in the last few minutes.  
“Name three things you can see.” Said Erik ignoring the warm feeling in his chest.  
“An ugly lookin’ curtain.”  
Erik smirked, it _was_ ugly, he just hadn’t thought Natsu would have noticed that fact.  
“There’s a crack in the wall.”  
“Mm.”  
“There’s some arsehole sat next to me.” His voice hadn’t matched the statement, but Erik swatted him anyway.  
“Fuck you.” He said, but the smile of his face betrayed him. Natsu laughed in response. It was his usual laugh, it was small and a lot deeper than usual. But it was there and that was enough for now.  
“Get some sleep you look like shit.” Erik gave his usual end of conversation response.  
“So do you.” Natsu followed with the usual routine.  
It was normally at this point, they’d both get up and get ready for bed and go to sleep. In their own beds.  
But neither of them moved and green orbs with their fire burning back looked into deep purple.  
It felt like an eternity had passed and yet like time had stopped at the same time.  
“We found something!” Meredy came into the room like a storm causing the two to snap their heads towards the door pretending they didn’t just have a moment.  
Nope. Nothing happened and nothing was going to happen.  
**Shame.  
**(Don’t even-)  
“What’d you find?” Erik tried his best to sound indifferent, Jellal could be pretty dense at times and Meredy was clearly too excited over what she’d found to notice the two in their flustered state.  
“A book!” She held up the tattered book.  
“O-kay. You want to elaborate on that?” Erik raised his brow, Jellal sighed clearly tired of the girl's excitable state.  
“Well it’s a diary really. The covers scorched and I can tell there are some pages missing. But it might help.”  
“Help how?” Natsu stood up and walked over to look at the book.  
“Well aside from the oddness of finding a diary in such a place. All the entry’s haves dates and those dates go back to four-hundred years ago. I guess it was put away with other books and files and was eventually forgotten about. Which yeah we did also find some ledger books that had slave names- well the names given to them since I’m sure the merchants didn’t care about their actual names. Oh and locations of where they were taken and sold on to.” She rambled on jumping from point to point making Natsu’s brain swim.  
“Uh Meredy. S-slow down.” He stuttered.  
“Ah s-sorry!” She cleared her throat. “A-anyway. The books had multiple locations, all in the east. Aside from names, they didn’t tell us much and we’re not going to explore all fifty-three towns and villages. Most of which are likely no longer on the map.” She sighed before her eyes glinted with excitement again. “But this!” She held the diary to Natsu’s face. “This belonged to one of the slaves!”  
“So?” Asked Erik.  
Meredy exaggerated fake annoyance.  
“Ugh. Okay. The slave talked about her village. A dragon village! She also mentioned Igneel!”   
Natsu’s eyes seemed to brighten at that.  
“Really!?” He joined in on her excitable mood.  
Now there were two sunshine morons, Erik thought. Perfect.   
“If her description is accurate enough then her village is somewhere just east of Sin, but still in Pergrande borders. It’s not on the map as expected, but hopefully, we’ll find it. Since we are crossing a border, we can’t take the train.”  
Natsu and Erik sighed in relief.  
“There a city near the estimated search radius called Cavae City. Walking will take roughly two days.”  
Meredy cringed at that.

“Ah. Someone! Anyone!” The heavy breathing was making it difficult to shout, Natsu felt the smoke filling his lungs.  
He ran and ran for what felt like hours. The soldiers were catching up. Fast. They were going to catch him. Run. Run. Run!  
“Help!” The boy screamed. “Please! Anyone?!”  
“No one’s here boy. Mummy can’t save you.” The man laughed as he ran behind him.  
He was backed into a corner. For some reason, he’d run to his school thinking his someone would help him. She always helped him. But of course, she wasn’t here.  
What who? Who should have been here again?  
The soldier smiled wide like a dragon having found its prey. Until he wasn’t and he dropped to the floor like a rock, knife cleanly in his skull.  
“It’s okay Natsu. You’re okay.” A warm voice appeared.  
White hair brushed his face as warm arms wrapped around him.  
“Where’s my mum?”  
“You’re safe.” The voice responded like they hadn’t heard him.  
“I’m here Natsu.” A black-haired woman with a blank face suddenly appeared behind the white-haired blank face person.  
Suddenly he felt cold.  
Somehow the white-haired woman and the black-haired woman had swapped places.  
“Let’s have some fun shall we?” The white-haired woman spoke with cheerfulness to her voice. “Take the knife Natsu.” She commanded.  
Before Natsu could react the knife was suddenly in his hand.  
“Don’t listen to her.” The black-haired woman whispered in his ear. “Don’t listen. Don’t listen. Don’t listen. Don’t-”  
“Stab her.”  
_Squelch_.  
“Ah!” Natsu shot up from the bed, the room filled with a dim yellow light that peered through from the window. He tried to ease his breathing and stop his shaking but found he couldn’t. At least that wasn’t until he felt his bed dip and a hand gently rub his back followed with a tired sigh.  
“Sorry.” His voice cracked.  
“Don’t apologise for this shit idiot.”  
Natsu pushed himself into Erik’s chest without much thought and let himself cry as the arms of safety tightly wrapped around him and soft words eventually lulled him back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this projecting a lil? Yea shushssshsh


	13. Flames 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredy silently studied the book while the rest enjoyed lunch. Not soon after they got up and covered more ground until the sun had started to set painting the sky in a deep orange and purple.  
>  “This looks like a good place to stop.” Jellal settled his bad down as Meredy collapsed dramatically next to it.  
>  “Is this karma for making you two get the train?” She whined.  
>  “Yes.” Natsu and Erik spoke in unison with little ounce of sympathy.  
> They had reached an old abandoned town that looked like nature was only just starting to reclaim it, likely abandoned from Ishgal’s many civil wars. There was a scattering of old fire pits and forgotten clothing presumable from other travellers such as themselves. The building’s themselves had long since been ransacked, leaving only minor items such as bowls, plates excreta. Nothing of value remained, either from its previous owners taking it with them, or whoever had passed through since.

Once again Natsu found himself being dragged out of bed at stupid-hours of the morning by Erik. Once again neither commented about sharing the _single_ bed or made any comment about yesterday.  
“Get up pyro.” Erik spoke with less heat then he probably intended, but he also didn’t appreciate Meredy’s early persistence.  
“It’s still dark.” He grumbled from underneath the bedsheet.  
They didn’t intend to stick around long, especially since the townspeople were starting to notice their snooping around, as well as starting to notice who they were. It was only a matter of time before someone picked a fight with them. Erik never specified as to _why_ he’d definitely pissed off someone in the run-down town, but knowing he had was enough for Natsu to be slightly concerned.

Erik didn’t get to stumble on Fairy Tail like Erza had. He had to still endure and survive after the R-system, his only sense of luck was he hadn’t been alone.  
Criminals in high-end places like Fiore and Criminals here were two very different instances.  
In Fiore they typically just didn’t like to play by the rules. Here it was almost always about survival. The group still had many connections to the criminal underworld and in the last few weeks Natsu had the pleasure of meeting some. One thing he quickly realised, along with knowing Erik and the rest, was they weren’t always bad people. They were often good people who just needed to survive.  
Natsu couldn’t help but respect that.

When they got ready for their two-day journey to Cavae City the two dragon slayers were surprised to see a less-than-enthusiastic Jellal.  
“It’s too early.” He grumbled.  
“Damn. You were the last person I thought I’d see complain.” Erik smirked, while Natsu unwillingly trudged on behind.   
“Come on boys I want to make some good distance before nightfall,” Meredy spoke a little louder than usual, likely to irritate the three boys who all grumbled in response.

Natsu always wondered what the border would look like, turns out that it’s not really obvious. Just a simple sign at the edge of town indicating they were leaving said town and entering Pergrande territory. If they’d avoided towns and entered through one of the fields or woodlands they would have never have known where Bellum ended and the Kingdom started.  
They were all a part of Ishgar lands of course, but years of civil war had split the land up to what people know it as today which is a collective of countries, rather than just Ishgar. Natsu did pay attention to some of Levy’s history rambles however. Hundreds of years ago Ishgar only consisted of the Fiore Kingdom in the west, the Pergrande Kingdom in the east and the Stella Kingdom in the North. Six-hundred years ago however, Stella collapsed under the pressure Fiore had given it and for two-hundred years Ishgar was Fiore and Pergrande.

Unfortunately, the dragon’s war and war amongst the people caused Fiore to break up even further, creating Minstrel, Caelum, Iceberg, Desierto, Bellum and other smaller areas and Stella trying to re-establish itself. Meanwhile, Pergrande remained strong.  
The East and West had been at war with each other for a long time, but most of this history has since been forgotten due to the presence of the Dragon’s war at the time the two kingdoms had ceased fire on one another and Fiore collapsed even further. It’s often said that the two kingdoms were fighting for sole rule over Ishgar. But ultimately people have decided to remain ignorant to this side of history and solely focus on the destruction Zeref and the dragons had caused.  
Natsu could never figure out why that statement never felt right to him. Something told him he was close to finding out though.

After some walking and a well-needed breakfast, Natsu felt himself perk up a little more. It was probably also because the sun had started the leak through the tall, endless forest of pine trees.  
“So uh.” He decided to break the silence having noted that Meredy was clearly itching for one. “What exactly did you guys find in the theatre?” He walked up next to her as Erik and Jellal silently walked behind with a pack horse the innkeeper had given them.  
Meredy stayed quiet for a moment before answering, she had an unreadable look on her face which only confused the pink-haired mage.  
“Aside from the books? Nothing really. Just some more ancient prop stuff.” She sounded nonchalant about it, much to Natsu’s surprise. But, there was a slight tone of fear that gave away the fact that there was _definitely_ more than that. However, he’d learnt by now they didn’t baby him or treat him as fragile when it came to information. Natsu knew there was stuff they didn’t tell him when it came to anything Zeref related, but after an argument between him and Jellal after the first week with the group, they agreed that if it was important they’d tell him. If it was important he’d find out sooner or later, and Natsu preferred the _sooner_ aspect as that gave him time to collect himself rather than it being dropped on him suddenly. He accepted he didn’t need to know everything however and he got the impression that the two hadn’t filled Erik in on what they’d found down there either. The other didn’t seem too eager to find out either. So Natsu didn’t push further.  
“So when this is over are you guys gonna- I don’t know. Not be vigilantes or whatever?” He asked to receive a grin from Meredy.  
“I mean, I think doing this sorta thing. The investigating and stuff is kinda me now. So I wouldn’t mind continuing that, just maybe without the whole ‘criminal’ title y’know?” Meredy chirped. It seemed evident from their first meeting that she just wanted to help people, the girl could fight for sure, but that’s not where her heart was. So Natsu wasn’t really surprised by this answer.  
“What ‘bout you guys. I think out of all of us, you two are the only ones who’ve never talked about it. Even Macbeth has said what they want to do!” Meredy turned to the two slightly-grumpy souls behind them.  
“Never really thought ‘bout it.” Erik quickly responded, clearly not wanting to say much more on the matter. Of course Meredy either didn’t get the hint or didn’t care as she pressed him further.  
“Aw come on!” She pouted. “There’s gotta be _something._ I mean even though we fought when you guys first ‘got out’ we did give you the choice to leave. I was surprised you stayed with us this far.”  
“Didn’t know what else to do, I guess.” He shrugged, but Natsu could see the anxious look his face held. “You idiots are entertaining sometimes.”  
“Hey!” She playfully smacked his arm.  
“I’m the same.” Jellal blurted out, suddenly directing the attention to him. “I mean, not that I haven’t thought about it. It’s just- It’s hard to imagine that life. So I can’t imagine what I’d do. I probably wouldn’t mind doing the same are you for now.” He gestured to the pink-haired girl.  
“Can’t say Erza would appreciate that man.” Natsu teased. Ever since the first time he saw him get flustered about Erza, Natsu found it to be one of the most amusing things to watch unfold. To watch the most stoic boy he’s ever met get flustered about a girl who he once saw cry over strawberry cheesecake (she threatened him to never speak a word about it after, which of course, he hasn’t).

Around midday and the group took a well-needed break to rest and eat, having found a small cave to settle in. It would have been the perfect place to rest in, but Meredy wanted to spend as little time out on the road as possible. The magic council didn’t cover these parts, despite it being in Ishgar, and guild mages weren’t common either, meaning it was a free-for-all and while the group could likely handle themselves, it was still better to avoid any fighting.  
Meredy took this time to read some of the diary entries out loud to the others as she’d only skimmed a couple of pages to see if it would be useful before.

_March 2 nd X392_

_How anyone could follow such a man I don’t know, he doesn’t even hide his arrogance. Fucking prick. But, the things they do don’t bother me no more.  
Their time will come._

_It seems this book and pen was a gift from that arrogant fuck they all worship like a God, he’s barely a King. But he’s pleased his precious exotic girl came back to him. I fed his some crap about how I couldn’t make a living outside and I enjoyed dancing._

_They still whip me. Beat me and fuck me. But, they can keep doing that. They don’t know what’s coming. They’re stupid to believe my story, I mean it’s been two years and they still buy that I tried to live for two years and then come back to a life in chains and to dance in a cage-like an exotic bird._

_But, it’s okay. I will have my revenge. I will give them a dance.  
You can put a dragon in chains, throw it in a cage and tell it to perform. It will perform. But it’ll be the last thing you see. You only see a dragons dance once.  
I’ll give you your last dance.  
He promised me.  
You’ll all fucking burn for what you did. _

“That sounds ominous,” Erik commented.  
“I only really skimmed before.” Meredy looked down at the book. “I wonder who ‘he’ is though. There’s a lot on names I came across so I don’t know. It also looked like there were pages before this, but they’re burnt, as are a few afterwards.”   
“I wonder who _she_ is?” Jellal questioned. “Is her name anywhere?” Meredy shrugged.  
“Like I said I only skimmed. So I don’t know. Her name isn’t written in any obvious place though.” She continued, “She mentioned a fire in a later entry though, so I wonder if she was talking about the theatre?”  
“Sounds like she _caused_ the fire.” Natsu mumbled.  
Meredy flicked a few pages and read another entry.

_October X397_

_I suppose you’re not a God. You’re a dragon. It was never your duty. It was mine. As a sister. An Aunty. I don’t know if they’re safe. I just hope they haven’t ended up in this hellish place. The dragon war is coming to a close. But, I sense it’s only the end of the start. There is so much more shit to come, I just know it.  
That white-haired bitch did this.  
That fucking wench.  
I might have to accept the reality that I’ll never get to kill her. But these fuckers in front of me now? How they will burn. _

_They gave us salvation. The dragons I mean. Safety away from the western bastards. We didn’t want to fight. Just to live peacefully.  
But they wanted our power.  
Because apparently westerners weren’t born with magic naturally inside of them. They have to draw out magic circles and such and use the earth. But we. We HAVE magic. We ARE magic. It flows through us as if we are the earth.  
They want that. So they are forcing us to give it to them. Forcing us to breed with them so their children can have what we have.  
It’s fucking sickening. _

_So when the dragons are gone, when people can no longer hide the death and destruction behind the dragon’s actions. People will see._

_Fiore will fucking pay for what they have taken from us._

_But that white-haired bitch will be the first to bleed for killing my sister. For turning the dragons. Our protectors! Into monsters._

Silence ensued for a moment. Natsu always found it quite surreal whenever Meredy swore, but given the context, he decided now wasn’t the time to mention that.  
Erik apparently didn’t care about the context however.  
“Don’t ever swear again. It’s fucking weird.” Erik bluntly commented, the girl couldn’t help but chuckled at that.

Meredy silently studied the book while the rest enjoyed lunch. Not soon after they got up and covered more ground until the sun had started to set painting the sky in a deep orange and purple.  
“This looks like a good place to stop.” Jellal settled his bad down as Meredy collapsed dramatically next to it.  
“Is this karma for making you two get the train?” She whined.  
“Yes.” Natsu and Erik spoke in unison with little ounce of sympathy.  
They had reached an old abandoned town that looked like nature was only just starting to reclaim it, likely abandoned from Ishgal’s many civil wars. There was a scattering of old fire pits and forgotten clothing presumable from other travellers such as themselves. The building’s themselves had long since been ransacked, leaving only minor items such as bowls, plates excreta. Nothing of value remained, either from its previous owners taking it with them, or whoever had passed through since.  
“We don’t know what’s out here so how about we take shifts and we’ll set off again at first light?” Jellal asked, ignoring the girl’s pain on the floor.  
“Sure.” Meredy sat up leaning against her bag. “I think I need some sleep though so I’m not going first.”  
“Same.” Natsu slumped down to the floor next to her finally showing that he was just as tired from the walk as she was.  
“I’ll go first. ‘m not tired yet.” Erik piped up after routinely getting some firewood.  
“How ‘bout we do it in twos then? We’ll do the first half and you guys do the second.” Said Jellal as Natsu and Meredy hummed in response both already looking half-asleep as Natsu started the fire without a second thought.  
“That’s so much easier with you around.” Erik mumbled.  
“Huh?” Natsu looked up with his brow scrunched in confusion.  
“I’ve watched the idiots try to light a fire for three hours before now.” He perched himself down next to the boy with a wall as back support.  
“Where was Jellal?” He asked much to Erik’s confusion.  
“Also watching them?” He questioned, still confused what the stoic mage had to do with it, only to see a smirk appear and Natsu’s face.  
“You watched them struggle with a fire for three hours.” He said as a statement, not a question.   
“They didn’t ask.” Jellal responded, Erik watched the two of them back and forth still clearly missing something.  
“How many times did that happen?”  
“A few.”  
“And you sat back and said nothing every time?”  
“Like I said. They never asked.”  
Meredy was already passed out asleep in her sleeping bag, which Erik hadn’t even noticed she’d gotten out. He wondered if she would know what they wer-  
“Oh you motherfucker!” Erik suddenly shouted causing the two to look at him with knowing looks. “You can use fire magic!” He wanted to sound angry but the crack in his voice failed the tone he wanted, leading the two to burst out in laughter. 

“Ah!” Natsu jolted from the bed. When he looked around he noticed he was in his own house. “Huh?” He looked on the sofa to find Gray fast asleep.  
“Gra-”  
Before he could collect his thoughts a voice had appeared from his kitchen.  
“Good you’re awake.” Erza appeared in what appeared to be a chef outfit.  
“Wh-”  
“I’ve got breakfast ready.” She cut him off before he could talk.”  
“It tastes lovely Erza!” This time it was Lucy’s voice echoing from behind the redhead.  
Natsu slowly rose from his bed puzzled by the sight, his thoughts were all jumbled and he felt out of place. When he entered the kitchen he found the dining table covered with food that looked far more than just breakfast. He was also greeted with the sight of a familiar blonde mage.  
“What’s going on?” He asked.  
“Well now you know how I feel.” Lucy smiled, but it looked wrong. Natsu couldn’t place what it was, but it _felt_ wrong.  
_Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutge-_  
“Natsuuu!” A blue cat came hurtling towards and into his arms.  
“W-where’s Erik?” He managed to ask without interruption. He could see their troubled faces from the question.  
“Who?” He turned to find Gray stood in the doorway next to Erza, almost as if he was being cornered.  
“Er- Cobra?”  
“Why would you want to know that?” Gray’s voice was cold with bitterness.  
_So cold.  
_“Huh?” There was a voice, it sounded like a child.  
“What the fuck is wrong with you Natsu?” Gray shouted angrily at him, but it sounded distant now as Natsu faced the dining table again.  
It smelt weird.  
“What did you make Erza?” He asked glancing over at the covered pots and stack of empty bowls surrounded by fresh fruit and bread, before he noticed the lack of response.  
“Erza?” He swivelled around, scanning every direction of the room to find no one else there.  
_So dark.  
_The voice echoed in his mind again.  
As he approached the table every bone in his body was telling him to leave. That smell. It smelled rotten and yet his friends said nothing of it. He looked down at one of the pots. Something was wrong. He felt sick.  
“Guys?”  
Silence.  
“Hello?”  
_You did this.  
_“Anyone?”  
_You wanted to be alone didn’t you?  
_He steadily lifted one of the lids.  
_You did this.  
_“~N~A~T~S~U~” A voice sang out.  
Erza’s head drifted around the pot in red liquid. Startled, Natsu dropped the lid back down and without any rhyme or reason checked one of the other pots.  
“~YOU~LEFT~ME~” Lucy.  
“~L~I~A~R~” Happy.  
“~M~O~N~S~T~E~R~” Wendy.  
The last pot was empty much to his surprise. He expected it to be Gray, not to say he wasn’t traumered at this point.  
“You fucking demon.” Gray’s voice came from behind him causing Natsu to almost snap his neck from turning around.   
Every step she took he became paler and paler, eventually, he was face to face with him. His eyes were sullen and lips blue.  
“I trusted you.” He spat.   
He noticed Erza was on the floor behind Gray he body looked burned. Eventually, he looked back at the table where his apparent breakfast was. The pots were gone as was the fresh food. Maggot’s now squirmed around a rotten head in the middle of the table. The head was rotten flesh with blue tufts of fur sticking out in various places.  
“You did this.”  
“Now eat!” Lucy cheered behind him. Or what was left of her rotten, decrepit corpse.  
_It’s your fault. All yours.  
_Natsu fell into a fit of panic. He became so frightened he just froze staring into what was left of Happy’s right eye. The eye moved. It fixated onto the pink-haired boy.  
“~N~A~  
~T~  
~S~  
~U~U~”

Natsu sat up in a flurry of panic as he tried to ease his breathing.  
_Justadreamjustadreamjus-  
_ “Natsu, breath. You’re okay.” A calmed voice appeared along with the warmth of a hand running circles on his back.  
After a few moments Natsu determined it was Jellal, looking around he found Erik soundly asleep near the fire and Meredy asleep the other side of him.  
“He _was_ tired.” Jellal chuckled sensing his confusion.  
“Should have woken me up sooner.” Natsu said shaking off the remnants of the nightmare that remained latched onto him.  
“S’okay.” Jellal shrugged. “Hasn’t been that long since he drifted off and you and Meredy looked like you really needed the sleep.”  
“I always need the sleep these days it seems.” Natsu mumbled, but judging from Jellal’s worried look he’d heard him.  
“Wanna get some sleep?” He asked trying to move away from a subject he didn’t want to talk about. His body felt heavy however his mind was still living in the dream. It was so detailed he felt a little nauseous.   
“Can’t really sleep. I’ll stay up.” Jellal shrugged again, clear worry written across his face. Natsu knew what he was doing but didn’t have it in him to protest, because maybe it was for the best right now as he felt himself drifting away from time.  
Ever since Natsu found out about his relationship with Zeref he’d found himself losing snippets of time. Initially, he’d panicked, thinking that that demon has taken over his body (if that was possible, Natsu still wasn’t sure if the demon was just a dark voice in his head or an actual personality that had its own body. The body being Natsu’s. It was confusing, scary and frustrating all at the same time so he tried to not think much about it. Other than that the voice was fucking annoying.)  
**_I’m not another ‘you’ or another being shithead.  
I _am _you._  
**It’d once said and that scared Natsu more than anything. What had he forced himself to forget that made that shitty personality his?

The thing is, Natsu found there was only one time he’d lost track of time and found he’d actually _done_ something and that was a few weeks back in the village he’d nearly burnt down. It was also the only time he didn’t remember.  
It was odd and he didn’t understand why it happened but during these time loss moments, he had some idea of what was happening around him but it was like watching events unfold through a thick fog and everyone’s voices would sound distant while the concept of time left him completely. It also felt like his mind and body were detached from one another, as though he was watching his own body move on autopilot.  
He hated it, especially when he’d have a vague awareness of what was happening, but wouldn’t have the energy to stop it. He also hated more that while it’d become more of a factor in his life since seeing Zeref, it _wasn’t_ the first time it’d happened. It was just the first time he’d really acknowledged it.

_Natsu ran down the empty town shouting Igneel’s name over and over. Somewhere in his head, he knew he wasn’t going to get a response. But he was still hopeful. He had to be.  
Igneel wouldn’t just abandon him right?  
He did this until sundown having lost track of time and not realising he’d should have been back in magnolia hours ago, because it was a three-hour walk.  
“Gramps is gonna kill me.” He spoke to the slight breeze.  
“Probably.” A voice responded startling the pink-haired boy.  
“Huh! Wha- G-Gray!?” He spun around so fast he nearly lost his footing, only for the familiar ice-mage to steady him. “W-why are you here?!” His voice cracked, something he’d noticed was starting to happen a lot lately and it irritated him every time.  
“Had a job nearby and I figured you’d do this so I came to get you.” He’s stated bluntly making Natsu cringe at how predictably stupid he was. _

_The two boys walked mostly in silence. Gray wasn’t much of a talker and judging from the bruising on his body he’d clearly had a rough day. Natsu on the other hand, felt tired. But not physically, which was weird. He felt weird as his mind spiralled into thoughts of not being good enough and a list of reasons why Igneel would leave him.  
**Weak.  
Useless.  
Failure.  
**He was a kid that couldn’t read or write well, was often told he talked too much and was too loud or ‘boisterous’ and as nice as Lisanna was for putting up with him, he could see the moments where she’d tune him out or just simply looked bored. That’s why he’d put on the idiot act. Everyone will laugh and smile at someone making a fool of themselves.  
With each step, Natsu felt like he was losing himself. He was scared. Something felt wrong with him as the world fogged.  
“Gray?” He stopped walking at some point and wasn’t even sure if the other boy was even with him anymore, until he heard a response, except it sounded distant and just- weird. Everything felt weird, he didn’t know how to explain it.  
“-tsu?” Gray was suddenly in front of him with concern plastered over his face. It was then he noticed how dark it was. When did it get dark? “Natsu?”  
“I feel weird.” He said in a tone that was very un-Natsu like. It sounded dull and tired.  
Gray had said something to him but he couldn’t really process anything. He was walking apparently now and then suddenly in a house with Porlyusica and Gramps saying something while Gray sat next to him rubbing circles in his back.  
“- just suddenly went like this I don’t-”  
“-you didn’t-”  
“-magic do this?-”  
Voices were sounding around him for a while, Natsu stared blankly at nothing. Did a spell do this? Can they fix it? Can-  
“-su? Natsu?” Porlyusica was in front of him, she looked like she was waiting for a response with worry etched on her face, which didn’t look right for a cold-hearted hag.  
“’m weird.” He slurred, he felt so tired.  
“Do you remember what happened today? Did you meet anyone?” She asked, the words still sounded distant but were understandable enough for him to respond.  
“Jus’ Gray.” He looked down. Was he in trouble? He didn’t even go out on a job, or tell anyone he’d gone out. Were they angry?  
“Natsu can you look at me?” She asked.  
“’m tired.” He’d ignored her. Couldn’t they lecture him later? Couldn’t they see how tired he was? Just let him sleep!  
There was more talking while his mind drifter elsewhere, he didn’t know if anyone was talking to him at this point. Eventually though, for whatever reason, he was walking again and Gray was practically pulling him along with his hand around his wrist. It wasn’t a tight grip, but just enough that it felt somewhat grounding and gradually felt more like himself, enough to acknowledge he’d been taken to Gray’s place.   
Then there were hands on either side of his face and with his glossy green eyes he was looking at Gray. The other boy looked concerned. It was odd considering they always fought and were rivals. But every now and then they’d have these secret moments the world didn’t know about.  
“Hey.” Natsu spoke first his voice beginning to sound more like himself, yet still evidently tired.  
“You back?” The question sounded odd considering Natsu never physically went away from him, but he understood what he meant.  
“I think so.” Gray pulled him over to the sofa and tugged him into a hug, if anyone saw them they’d think the two were imposters. But these moments were hidden from the rest of the world. “’M tired an’ still feel a li’l weird.” Natsu nestled his head into Gray’s chest.  
“Sleep idiot. Porlyusica said she’d talk to you when you were a little more with it.”  
Without much prompting, Natsu drifted into a deep sleep. _

Now Natsu was sat by the fire, with a tired but stubborn Jellal who eyed him with concern. The first time Natsu ‘zoned-out’ Jellal was the first to notice. Stating he remembered some people in the tower doing something similar. Porlyusica had given it a word, but he didn’t remember so it was just ‘zoned-out’ instead. Of course, it was much more than just daydreaming he knew that. It was just easier to remember and tell others. But Jellal and the others knew otherwise.  
Porlyusica said it was likely due to trauma. But Natsu didn’t really get it. What trauma? She’d said about Igneel maybe but he was sad and angry about that. She’d argued abandonment is still trauma and everyone reacts to trauma differently. But he disagreed.  
Now he would probably agree and with the revelations of Zeref his list of triggers and trauma just extended ten-fold which was the last thing he wanted.  
He felt broken and unfixable at this point.  
But then Sorano had described experiencing a similar thing at times and he’d even witnessed it once and wondered if that was what he was like and could understand why Gray looked so scared the first time it happened. He felt a little less alone in an odd way when she’d told him, even as far as telling him what had happened to her in the tower. It made him sick what people would do.  
“You there?” It wasn’t Jellal but Erik that was now sat near him.  
“Kinda.” He answered honestly. There was a reason why Natsu hated silence. Porlyusica had explained triggers, but more often than not the trigger was his own mind when he’d been left to stew in the silence too long. That was why he often slept at other people’s houses rather than his own, or come into the guild all the time, or purposely take jobs during the guilds quiets periods that happened when there was a spike in job offers.  
He just tried to avoid silence.  
He had no idea when it happened, but clearly the stubbornness had died out and Erik had taken over. Guess Meredy was going to get a full night’s sleep for once. She probably needed it to be honest, after countless nights of studying. Reminded him of Lucy.  
Erik had shifted closer to him and began to ramble about stupid stories about the others. He knew the drill and understood that talking could ground Natsu before he completely drifted.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last of us part 2 FINALLY came out! I've been waiting 7 years for this!
> 
> I'm around halfway with it (having to take it slow because of work 'n other stuff) and I guess this is an unpopular opinion but I love it! I am aware of what roughly happens at the end and I'm pretty satisfied with that but I can understand why people probably arent happy with that. But I also find that a lot of people negative comments is because they wanted it to be like the first game story-wise despite having being told since they first announced it that that wouldn't be the case. Kinda dumb really. I think peoples nostalgia of the first game is making it hard to accept what this one has placed on the table. But whatever I guess. You do you. 
> 
> ~ Max x


	14. Flames 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group soon set out after breakfast following the path the bar owner had told Jellal. Apparently, at some point it would disappear and when it did that meant they needed to start looking for an entrance to the city.  
> Natsu and Meredy took the lead, both in chatty moods which, while Erik paid little mind to what they were talking about, he found it endearing. With everything that had happened, this was the most normal he’d seen Natsu and was likely the Natsu Fairy Tail knew.  
> He hoped he’d get to see more of this Natsu.

The rest of the night had passed in a blur to Natsu, the next thing he knew they were walking again.  
“How much further?” He asked, voice quieter than usual. The other three gave a surprised look as they broke from their conversation.  
“Oh- uh. I don’t know exactly.” Meredy started, pushing down any worry she had. “I’d like to take a break at some point, but hopefully it’ll be near nightfall. So we probably won’t explore until tomorrow though.” She shrugged. “That’s assuming we get lucky and find the place immediately.”  
“Okay.”  
Erik nudged him playfully with a slight smirk on his face.  
“You good?” He asked.  
“I think so.” Natsu walked looking at the ground. “S-sorry.”  
“I told you-”  
“Yeah. Yeah. I know.” Natsu sighed. “But I’m still gonna say it.”

They walked around the woodlands for what felt like hours. Mostly because it was.  
“Are we lost?” Erik collapsed onto a rock deciding for the whole group to stop. “We’re stopping now.” He didn’t really care if the answer was no. He _was_ resting. Natsu collapsed on the floor silently agreeing with him.  
“I think we should. It’s pointless walking around like this.” Jellal peered around, “We’ll only get lost-”  
“We’re already lost.” Natsu and Erik spoke in unison.  
“Besides the sun is starting to set and I don’t think we should wander around at night.” Jellal continued, ignoring the dragon slayers grumbling.  
“I don’t think we’re _that_ lost.” Meredy plonked herself on another rock next to Erik. “I mean we never knew exactly where it was, to begin with just a general area. I think we’ve reached the area. Now we have to actually look.”  
“I thought you at least knew where the city was?” Natsu grumbled into the ground ignored.  
Erik sighed, stood up and began to walk away from the group.  
“Where are you going?” Meredy asked.  
“I’ll go get some wood.” He grumbled having noted that the sun had set. “We never stopped for lunch and now I’m tired _and_ hungry.” He walked off ignoring Meredy’s murderous glare. She knew he blamed her for that feat, as she decided not to stop convinced they were nearly there.  
She wasn’t entirely _wrong_ per se. But they didn’t have an exact point to get to.  
Natsu sat up and coughed nervously and avoided eye contact before she killed him too.  
“I think I’ll go too.” He scattered off in Erik’s direction.  
Meredy sighed and pulled supplies out of her bag.  
“I’ll start sorting some food.”  
“Meredy?” Jellal looked at her confused.  
“What?”  
“You can’t cook without a fire.” He tried to hide his laughter as he watched the disgruntled girl understand what he’d just said.  
“Ugh!”  
It wasn’t long before the two returned, only with no wood in sight.  
“So uh. There’s a town nearby.” Said Natsu.  
“S-seriously! Oh thank god, I do _not_ want to sleep on the floor again!” Meredy whined ignoring the untold looks of ‘at least you slept’ sent her way.

Eventually, the reddish evergreen tree’s dispersed as they followed the path. The four of them walked down the dirt path, Natsu saw the occasional cobblestone which made him wonder if this used to be an actual path. It was clearly unused these days, maybe by the occasional traveller.  
“You sure you’re okay with this?” Erik had hung back with him while Jellal and Meredy had led the way. “I saw how you were back in that valley town so don’t lie to me Natsu. Not to mention last night.”  
“I mean I couldn’t lie if I even tried with you.” Natsu huffed. “But seriously I’m fine.” He shot him a toothy grin which unfortunately faltered when he heard it again.  
**Liar.  
**Erik ignored the way Natsu slightly flinched, if it got worse then he’d intervene but the boy didn’t need coddling, Erik wasn’t the emotional type anyway, at least not usually but this flame brained idiot had definitely made him softer and he hated that he liked that.  
“I’ll be fine.” Natsu shrugged. “So don’t worry about me ‘k Erik?” He smiled again.  
“Don’t shut me out ok? Promise?” He squeezed his wrist, not feeling comfortable enough to grab his hand.  
“Promise.” Natsu whispered back.

They’d arrived at Pergrande a few days ago and had booked into the local inn near a dock town they found. Gildarts told him he’d visited the country a few times, he always said there was a sad beauty too it. Natsu never understood what that meant until he found himself there.  
Just outside the small village, past the small forest, there was an endless field of red poppies. There had definitely been a war here. There’d been wars in Ishgar, many in fact. but there was something about seeing a field of blood-red flowers that hid the moss-covered bones and rusted armour that hit differently. Ishgar’s wars existed mostly in books now. But looking now, it was really just Fiore's wars. Pergrande's was still in view.  
The kingdom hadn’t forgotten the pain Fiore had caused.

It was still a few hours before sunrise but Natsu had found himself unwilling to fall back to sleep, so had decided to take a closer look at the field which had a river run through the middle of it that ended with a small pond of large brightly coloured koi fish. Natsu sat on a large rock, the water was clear enough that even under the grey moonlight he could see the various fish still swimming around in their own world.

 **Why don’t you finish what someone clearly started?  
**(No.)  
**Burn it all.**  
(Stop.)  
**Kill them.  
** “Shut. Up.” Natsu realised he’d spoken out loud and quickly looked around to see if anyone had seen.  
He was about to be relieved until he saw a familiar tuft of dark red hair come out of the woods, if Erik was concerned or scared he didn’t show it. But given how good his hearing is Natsu knew he’d definitely heard him. His only saving grace was that Erik had likely somewhat heard the conversation in his head too, so he understood that Natsu wasn’t completely insane.  
Okay, maybe he was. He had a voice telling him to kill everything.  
“Stop thinking so much.” He sat down next to him as the rock was large enough for both of them, although they were almost touching shoulders. “I thought you were good at not thinking and being an idiot.”  
“Shut up.” He said the slight smile he had betrayed any potential annoyance.  
Natsu didn’t know how he’d reached this point with the other dragon slayer. At some point, they’d somehow become genuine friends. They’d fight, tease and comfort one another. He kind of reminded him of Gray, they weren’t un-similar, they weren’t the same either of course.  
He wondered what Gray was up to right now?  
**He’s probably forgotten about you.  
**Natsu curled in on himself and grabbed his hair forgetting the other's presence.  
**How about you just die again. Not like you should be here anyway.  
**_No o **ne**_ **wo** _uld_ ca _re.  
T_he _y’d **pr**_ **ob _ably_** _be gra **tef** ul.  
_Natsu was finding it harder to see where the voices ended and his own thoughts began. It really was just him wasn’t it?  
“-tsu? Natsu? Hey you still with me?”  
Natsu felt two warm hands on his face, he hadn’t even realised he’d closed his eyes, when he opened them, he was met with one deep pool of purple that stared back at him in concern while the other eye remained shut.  
“You with me?”  
“Sorry.”  
“I told you not to apologise for that just take a deep breath okay.”  
He did as he was told as the other dragon slayer perched himself back on the rock. They sat in silence looking at the pool for a while. It was a nice silence.  
“Erik?”  
“Hmm?”  
“I’ll be okay right?”  
“Yeah, you will. Just don’t shut me out again and promise you’ll go back to the guild when we’re done here yeah?”  
“I promise.” He felt like he was lying.

“So where exactly are we? And how the fuck did we get lost?” Erik asked as Meredy scanned a map she’d bought from a local.  
“We’d been walking through woodland for hours, it was bound to get a little disorientating.” She grumbled.  
“A _little_?” Natsu mumbled half-asleep with his head on the bar table, ignoring the girl swatting his head.  
Jellal walked over to their corner table. Luckily the locals were used to travellers passing through. Apparently many also seeking out the ruined Cavae City and getting lost in the woodland. So no one really payed them much mind. But the group still kept their guard up.  
“We’re only about a few hours out from the city. Apparently many treasure hunters seek out the place, I’m just hoping they haven’t taken anything that could have helped us find the village. Assuming they even found it.” He said in a quiet tone to avoid any curious locals. There’s always at least one.  
“The village we still have no name for or idea where it is.” Erik sighed.  
“Cities, especially back then would have had villages they’d protected and provided for. The village we want was likely under than protection.” Said Jellal, although Natsu felt the urge to add a snarky comment but restrained himself.  
Despite getting lost, everyone looked relaxed for once, he didn’t want to ruin the mood.  
“What did you mean assuming they found it?” Natsu asked instead.   
Jellal sighed as he relaxed a little into the drink Meredy had bought him. Cider it smelt like. Natsu always took him for a wine or sake drinker though.  
“Despite it being marked on the map it’s apparently hard to find.”  
“How the fuck do you miss a giant city?” Erik snorted.  
“It’s underground,” Jellal stated straight to the point before taking a sip of his drink.   
“Can’t people. You know? Dig?” Natsu sat up and reached for his drink of spiced apple cider. It tasted nice, but it would never beat homes (Don’t even think about it Natsu).  
“We don’t know how far down it is and I don’t fancy falling. Besides what if we dig but never find the entrance once we’re down there. How do we get out?” Meredy replied.  
“There is another reason why people won’t do that.” Jellal interrupted. “They can’t. Apparently some had tried but there must be a magic seal on the place.”  
“So it _is_ hiding something?” Natsu perked up thinking of the possibility that the city was hiding more than just its protected villages. One of which being Natsu’s birthplace.  
But what other secrets did it hide?  
Natsu didn’t really know why he’d become so invested but it was probably to distract himself from the reality of _why_ they were trying to find his village.  
To find a way to kill Zeref.  
To find a way to save Natsu.  
Right now though Natsu was invested in finding a secret city and all its secrets.

“Well I’m getting some sleep.” Erik downed the rest of his drink and stood up stretching. “I’m sure we’ll find something tomorrow.”  
“Sounds like a good idea.” Natsu yawned before looking at Jellal. “Uh we have rooms right?”  
Jellal silently gave Natsu the key with a knowing look in his eye the mage wasn’t appreciating.  
“They had two rooms to spare but only with double beds, but we’ve all had to share at some point so I’m sure it’s not an issue.” It wasn’t. But Natsu really didn’t like the smirk on his face. He’d also been watching the blue-haired mage so intently that he hadn’t seen the way Erik had eyed the mage as the two headed off to the stairs next to the bar.  
“You’re doing this on purpose now aren’t you?” Meredy smirked as she eyed the two.  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about?” Jellal replied monotonously.

The two went about their usual bedtime routine that they’d developed whenever they stayed somewhere that wasn’t outside. Everything was normal until it came to a matter of sleeping. Sure they’d slept in the same bed plenty of times, but it was usually because Natsu was out of it from a nightmare or panic attack. There had yet to be a situation where they’d _have_ to share a bed. It was stupid, Natsu kept telling himself. It shouldn’t be awkward or weird and yet it was awkward and weird for some ungodly reason Natsu’s brain had decided.  
Apparently Erik was having similar turmoil, except he wasn’t showing it.  
“Why is this weird?” Erik said, ever the blunt one. Natsu right now was a little grateful for it.  
“I don’t know.” He replied as they stood next to each other staring at the bed like it was some weird creature and not, in fact, a king-sized bed.  
“We’ve shared a bed when was haven’t needed to. This shouldn’t be weird.” He continued.  
“It shouldn’t.”  
“But it is.”  
“But it is.” Natsu repeated with a sigh. “This is stupid.”  
Erik laughed as he eyed the mage next to him, he hadn’t missed the flushed cheeks painted across his face that he was trying to hide with his scarf and failing. (Cute). He coughed awkwardly and went to say something else before he was suddenly pulled to the bed.  
“’M too tired to think ‘bout it.”  
The poison mage blinked wordlessly at him as before he knew it he was laid down under the sheets looking at pink hair on the back of Natsu’s head and his arms snaked around him as per their usual position. He smirked. In the morning he’d probably wake up to find it to be the other way around.  
“G’dnight pyro.”  
“Night dumbass,” Natsu responded sheepishly already half asleep.  
(This is fine.)  
**He just pities you.  
**Natsu flinched and before he knew what he was doing he’d swiftly swivelled around to now face the other mage and gripped his shirt tightly.  
“Natsu?”  
He didn’t respond and buried his face into Erik’s chest almost out of guilt and shame.  
“I just want one night.” He mumbled.  
“Hey.” Erik cupped his chin and tilted it so their eyes now met.  
“Sorry.” He whispered.  
“I’m here for you okay.” He said with a look in his eyes Natsu couldn’t quite place, but it looked soft and vulnerable and-  
They were kissing. It was a little awkward at first and Natsu was ready to pull away in a panic thinking he’d misread the situation.  
But Erik had leant in first and kept his arm firmly wrapped around Natsu’s waist letting him know it was okay. This was okay.  
Quickly the awkwardness had faded, it wasn’t like either of them hadn’t kissed someone before but it was still new, different and exciting. Natsu relished in it. His brain still catching up with the event that unfolded-  
“Natsu?”  
_Oh.  
_“Wake up shithead.”  
Fuck. _  
_ “Natsuuu~”  
It was a dream.  
“Hnng- Ah!” Before he could process anything he was flung out of the bed and hit the floor with a loud thump. “What the fuck man.” He groaned, too tired to add any heat to his voice.  
“Come on sleeping beauty we gotta get ready.” Natsu’s eyes remained closed but he could hear the other mage shuffling around getting ready for the day, right before he had a swift, but not too hard kick in his side.  
“Mmmhrrh.”  
“Get up.”  
“Think you killed me when you threw me off the bed.”  
“Don’t be dramatic.”  
“Can’t be dramatic when I’m dead Erik.” Natsu rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes to see Erik stood over him with a look of disapproval. He didn’t miss the slight amusing smirk though.  
“Whiny arse little-” His voice trailed off into mutterings as Natsu slowly but surely got up.  
“Can’t we have one lie in?” Natsu complained.  
“We did. It’s ten idiot.”  
“Huh?” Natsu looked out the window to see the spring sun risen high and not a cloud to be seen.  
It’d been a while since he’d slept through the night.  
Erik could see the cogs turning in his head and felt the need to explain.  
“Meredy woke me not too long ago. She said she would have woken us earlier but we all looked like we needed the sleep. Even Jellal’s not long got up apparently.” He paused letting the still sleepy fire mage process. “And yeah, you slept through the night. I told her as much and she felt glad she hadn’t made us wake up earlier.”  
“Oh.” He said watching the town come to life through the window. “Thanks.” He turned to Erik and gave his signature toothy grin much to the surprise of the other.  
He hadn’t seen him properly smile see he joined them. He smiled back, feeling the heat rush to his cheeks and hoped Natsu hadn’t noticed.  
He also wasn’t going to mention that Natsu had called his name in his sleep and had snuggled into him like his life had depended on it.  
At first, Erik thought he was having another nightmare, the peaceful smile that had crept Natsu’s soft lips suggested otherwise.  
It was probably a nightmare though. Probably. Yeah.  
Lucy or Gray were much better for him than some criminal with trust issues anyway.

The group soon set out after breakfast following the path the bar owner had told Jellal. Apparently, at some point it would disappear and when it did that meant they needed to start looking for an entrance to the city.  
Natsu and Meredy took the lead, both in chatty moods which, while Erik paid little mind to what they were talking about, he found it endearing. With everything that had happened, this was the most normal he’d seen Natsu and was likely the Natsu Fairy Tail knew.  
He hoped he’d get to see more of this Natsu.  
“He seems more himself today.” Jellal broke him from his thoughts as he hummed a response. “Did something happen last night?” He suddenly asked causing Erik to splutter.  
“Huh? Uh. No. What- What the fuck do you mean by that?” He hoped it came out sounding angry, but unfortunately, his embarrassment failed him and Jellal smiled. “Ugh. No. I guess he just managed to sleep well for once.” He added sounding slightly disappointed. There had been that moment when Natsu had turned to face him sounding scared and exhausted and suddenly looking like he _wanted_ something. Something Erik didn’t think he could give but wished he could.  
But then nothing happened, he all but passed out promptly after Erik’s reassurance. He’d fallen asleep not long after, but at some point was briefly awoken by Natsu gripping onto him and saying his name in a soft tone Erik didn’t think he was capable of.  
“Well I hope it happens more often. Aside from his episode the other day, he does genuinely seem like he’s getting better.” Jellal left an unspoken ‘with you’ but Erik heard it the fucker.  
“Is he ever going to really be better though? I mean look at us. I know I’m not the only one who still has nightmares, I can’t even wear shit on my wrists without freaking out.” He gave Jellal a side glance and saw him flinch slightly at the knowing thought he was right.  
Natsu had only see Sorano ‘zone-out’ once, which in an odd way, had assured him knowing he wasn’t alone. He’d also witnessed Macbeth admit to not wanting to sleep in the tents because of the small space and had joined him in sleeping outside without actually commenting on the fact.  
He’d probably, no _defiantly_ , suspected the others had their own issues, but he wasn’t going to question it. For the most part anyhow. Jellal had effectively tried to kill himself during the Nirvana incident and Natsu called him out on it. He’d also called Erik out on his sarcasm and bluntness that while it was just his personality, he knew that he did it intentionally at times to push people away.  
Natsu made it pretty clear Erik was stuck with him now. He’d never admit it out loud, but he was glad.

But sooner or later Natsu was going to go back to Fairy Tail regardless of what he thought. Erik was going to make damn fucking sure he went back because that’s where he belongs. It’s where his family is. His home. It’s where Natsu deserves to be and it’s not like Erik thinks he doesn’t to be there with him, it’s just that he can’t see himself being there. He doesn’t fit into that life.  
“I guess we need to start looking now.” Said Meredy.  
“But where do we start?” Natsu asked staring down intensely at where the path ended and the endless amount of bark, moss and grass begun as if the path would just suddenly appear again. It didn’t of course.  
“Maybe look for a cave entrance?” Jellal joined the two with Erik in tow.  
“Uh I know there’s a lot of trees, but I ain’t seeing any mountains or giant boulders for miles.   
“I can hear a waterfall though?” Natsu suddenly walked away from the group without further explanation, much to the confusion of the others, as Jellal and Meredy looked to Erik for confirmation, only for him to shrug his shoulders and follow him without question.  
“Natsu I don’t hear any water.” Erik stated, but Natsu ignored him and continued walking. “Natsu?”  
He didn’t respond.  
“Oi slow down.” Erik sped up his pace before he lost him to the maze of trees not noticing if the others were following.  
Natsu however, wasn’t paying any attention to anything but the sound of water that was travelling below his feet.

As it turned out Erik was wrong. There was, in fact, a mountain, with a lake at the bottom of it. And a waterfall.  
“So much for _your_ hearing.” Meredy teased sounding slightly out of breath from clearly trying to keep up.  
Erik hadn’t realised until this point that the sun had reached its peak. They must have been walking for hours.  
He whacked Natsu around the back of the head.  
“Ow what the fuck man?”  
“Don’t just fuckin’ walk off like that again.” Erik shouted.  
Natsu wanted to be angry, but he could see the worry in his and Jellal’s eyes so instead muttered an apology. If Meredy was worried she didn’t show it, instead, she was busy being mesmerised by the waterfall.  
Natsu didn’t understand why he had walked off the way he had, he also didn’t actually realise Erik had even called out to him, nor had he noticed how far they’d walked, judging from the suns new position.  
It was a little like the dark hallway at the theatre, just without the impending sense of doom.  
Natsu still felt a wave of unease however.  
“Where’d you go?” Erik’s hand was suddenly on his shoulder and any ounce of annoyance the maroon-haired mage had was replaced with concern.  
“M’ here. Just thinkin.”  
“Wanna elaborate on that flame brain?”  
Natsu looked over to the waterfall, he couldn’t really see behind it but he could see the rock face which eliminated the possibility of there being a secret cave entrance behind it. Not unless it was hidden with magic which was a high possibility.  
“Could the entrance be here?” He asked.  
Meredy clearly had the same train of thought as Natsu as had lobbed a stone she found through the waterfall making it bounce off the rocks and disappear into the murky water.  
“If that was an illusion or had any magic to it, I would have seen it. So that’s entrance hidden behind the waterfall ticked off.” She joked. “Can’t really see in the water though, but it looked like it runs deep.”  
Before any actual plan was formed Natsu jumped it and swam down, much to his amazement the water grew clear and he could see an opening which he swam towards.  
“Fucking hell.” Erik muttered before jumping in after him. It’d already been a few minutes which meant the idiot was dead or he’d found a way to the city. Given that it was Natsu, the latter seemed more likely.

“Great now my clothes are all wet.” Meredy rinsed out her hair.  
“Natsu it’d be great if you’d told us before jumping straight in.” Erik protested.  
“You gonna lecture me all day?” Natsu rolled his eyes as despite the lecture the other gladly accepted Natsu as a personal clothes dryer. Jellal and Meredy silently appreciated it too.  
“Whoa. There really is a city down here!” Meredy gasped as she walked towards the edge of what seemed like at least an eighty-foot drop.

They were all amazed at the sight. From where they stood the group could see the remnants of the entire city. Despite its age, the location of the ancient city has helped keep some of its form. There appeared to be life still here, with fireflies fluttering around, providing the group’s main light source, as well as some gaps in the ceiling. Most of the stone buildings were falling apart and coated in vines and moss but otherwise still retained much of their previous shape. It was like something from a dream. But then, there was what lay in the middle.

“I-is that-” Meredy was astonished by the sight. There was a rotten giant corpse in the middle of the city. A dragon’s corpse lay there, mostly bone at this stage with nature reclaiming it as her own.  
Natsu looked at it for a while, “They really were just spirits.” He mumbled to himself. Erik raised a brow expecting an answer but the boy ignored him.  
“Did you say something?” Jellal glanced over noticing his solemn expression.  
Natsu looked over the edge of the cliff staring off into the distance.  
“Nothing.”  
“I think I found some stairs that can take us down.” Meredy chirped, eager to go down and explore, although once she started on the rocky steps all her focus went into each step.  
“Then let’s head down.” Jellal began walking. “I wonder what happened here though. It looks like it was a big city.” He pondered. Four-hundred years ago was filled with war, so almost anything could have been the cause. It had clearly been dragged into the dragon’s war however.  
“Shame Wendy isn’t here.” Said Natsu, who wasn’t at least bit fazed by the crooked steps as he walked down with ease.  
“How come?” Asked Jellal.  
“She can use some spell to talk to spirits. Then again I dunno if it works on people.” Natsu said, having noted the few corpses dotted around the place. Clearly whoever died here remained where they died. A little sad really.   
“Oh right. Heard ‘bout that.” Said Erik who was also struggling with the steps. Natsu and Jellal made it look easy. He was surprised Meredy hadn’t fallen yet. “She used it back in crocus right?”  
“Yeah.” Natsu sighed, out slightly wishing he could go back to that simpler time. Yeah. _Simpler.  
_ “Could have spoken to the dragon.” Jellal added while Natsu hummed in response. Erik hadn’t missed the way the boy looked dejected. He’d pester him about it later though.

They eventually reached the ground level after what felt like hours. Erik joked saying he was surprised Meredy didn’t fall only to get a whack around the head in response.  
“I still don’t get was we’re actually supposed to be looking for.” Natsu said.  
“Anything that looks out of place.” Jellal was evasive with his answer.  
Natsu felt a spark of irritation, it was stupid he knew. They were trying to help him and yet he felt himself get annoyed anyway. He felt like there was a plan that they all seemed to know it, he felt out of the loop. They kept trying to prevent him from shutting himself out, but it was backfiring. He felt alone. But he could no longer tell if it was just the voice inside of his head making him think this or if there _was_ something he didn’t know.  
He didn’t know if they were being vague because they didn’t want him to know something, or if they really didn’t know much.  
Maybe trying to save him just wasn’t possible and deep down they all knew that.

As if sensing that Natsu was running on a short fuse Erik spoke up.  
“What exactly would look out of place? Have you really seen where we are?” He gestured around them to the crumbled buildings and corpses.  
Deep down even he didn’t really understand what all this searching was for, or what they were even looking for. He could see both Jellal and Meredy were hiding something.  
Jellal sighed knowing full well he was pushing his luck with Natsu.  
“The diary spoke about a house.” He said as Erik and Natsu looked at him with expectancy both clearly with the words ‘well fucking spit it out’ on the tip of their tongues.  
“There is an afterword of sorts.” Meredy stopped walking to explain.

_They came from a field of Flowers, tried of the dragon's roar.  
Travelled through the Undergrowth of love, in search of our lore.  
Took downs the Stars in the name of the devil and looked to the east.  
In this city of Cavae. _

_They came through the Valley of Death, in search of magic.  
Ignored the Sin to create something tragic.  
Took down beasts and kings galore,  
Just to silence the dragon's roar. _

_One day she in white appeared to their door,  
she knocked twice and mother answered.  
Her children scurried away,  
but the white death had already seen them._

_The being was a thief and a lair  
they greeted themselves with practiced smile.  
‘I will tell you I’m two but I am actually one,  
but it won’t matter because you will be gone’,  
The white death spoke in calming tones,  
all while she stepped on the ancients bones. _

_‘Go back from where you came!’ mother shouted  
she was far from tame, but one smiled  
‘I don’t want you.’ She spoke as mother riled.  
‘I want them’ she pointed, as she knows all,  
and saw a boy hiding behind the door_

_She handed him and knife with a smile,  
‘now go kill her dear, kill her now.’  
The boy did as he was told and all the while  
the white death stood there laughing. _

“It took a while, especially as the poem seemed pretty disjointed, but it was because it was encrypted,” Meredy explained.  
Natsu and Erik looked at her blankly.  
“I still don’t get it.” Natsu said after some silence.  
“Like I said it was encrypted. When I fixed it, it was another diary entry. She spoke about how she had a house here.” She paused. “Natsu I think this person was your aunty.” She said abruptly.  
“Oh.” Was all her could say. Everyone looked at him for something, but he honestly didn’t know what to say to that. “There’s like a million houses here though and they mostly look the same. Does it give any sense of direction?”  
Meredy sighed which gave enough of an answer.  
“So fucking what?” Natsu shouted finally losing it. “We’re here because some stupid story said so. And you still haven’t answered my question. What are we here for? You say it’s to find a way to save me but we have literally nothing other than yeah let’s just fuckin’ go home yeah?” He looked around ignoring the dumbfounded looks the other three were giving him, “All I see is rubble, some dead stupid fucking dragon who fuckin’ _lied_ to me by the way-” Meredy whispered a soft ‘what are you talking about’ which went completely ignored by the riled up fire mage. “-and pathetic looking corpses!” Natsu had tolerated enough, he couldn’t take any more of this.   
The others were silent as Natsu looked Jellal in the eyes, “It’s a fucking joke.” He smiled out of irony before storming off.

Erik wanted to shout after him but he knew it’d be pointless having seen how angry he was, and they could all tell that his anger went beyond what he’d just stated and was clear it was a build-up of various things. Despite that, he still went running after him.  
Jellal wanted to grab him, but it was obvious that he wasn’t handling this as well as they all kept thinking. It began to amaze him how he’s managed to hold out this long. Until he saw that he hadn’t. Jellal was beginning to see that Natsu was already falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my ADHD brain got sidetracked and I kept editing for like 10 mins at a time before stopping and then not returning to it again until like days later.  
> Also most of this hasn't really changed from the original just from the obvious of whose with Natsu, but fun fact, most of Jellal's lines were originally Erza's and most of Erik's were Lucy or Grays lol  
> anyways enjoy 
> 
> ~ Max


	15. Flames 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Investigating a 400-year-old house reveals some unwanted feelings.

_So cold. So dark.  
_Erik stopped running.  
“Huh?” Natsu who hadn’t gotten much further stopped and looked at his. Any evidence of previous anger had been subsided by worry.  
“Hey did you hear anything?” Erik shuddered at the thought.  
“I’m sure it was nothing.” He turned around and walked back to him, “Sorry.”  
Erik looked at him and let out a sigh.  
“Idiot. We knew you wouldn’t find this easy.” He smiled slightly. “They hadn’t said much more to me by the way.”  
“Can you stop knowing what I’m thinking?” Natsu said, although there wasn’t any annoyance in his voice and gave a small laugh that did things to the poison dragon’s heart he’d never admit.  
“Nope. If it stops you from being an idiot and doing reckless stuff then I’ll continue to annoy the shit out of you. I mean you annoy the shit outta me too so it’s only fair.”  
“Hey!” Natsu punched him lightly in the arm. “Fuck you I’m the best.” Natsu sighed. “Thanks Erik.” He grinned. Suddenly realising at some point they’d gotten awfully close and he quickly backed away in mild panic. “W-we should get back to the others.”

Completely oblivious to Natsu’s panic (because he was also in a panic) he agreed and the two had quickly found their way back to the other two although only Meredy was in sight studying the remnants of a house.  
“Hey did you guys hear anything weird?” Meredy asked as they approached them.  
“Yeah. W-where’s Jellal?” Natsu looked around failing to find the blue-haired mage.  
She gestured to the house she’d been observing.  
“He went into that house. We thought one of us should wait out here for you guys to come back.”  
Natsu was silent in thought as Erik answered, “What’s in there?” he asked. She simply shrugged.  
“Honestly we didn’t know where to start. But we felt some weird magical energy coming from here. So-”  
“So this could be my auntie’s place?” Natsu concluded with the word ‘aunty’ leaving a strange feeling on his tongue.  
“Possibly. But this whole place gives off a weird vibe so who knows.” She said walking off to join Jellal.  
Erik began walking in after them, only to stop and realize that Natsu remained unmoved.  
“You okay?”  
Natsu looked down at the ashy ground with a venerable look washing over him.  
“I-I think I’ll stay here.” His voice had gone quiet, Erik nodded in understanding. Yeah this whole situation was still a lot to take in and Natsu wasn’t the airhead he always pretended to be.  
“Well. I don’t think it’s a good idea to be alone out here.”  
Natsu leant against a stone wall and looked at the ground and Erik walked back over.  
“Besides I don’t think we all need to go in.” Erik sat down on the floor with the wall as back support.   
After a while Natsu slid down the wall and joined him on the floor.  
“I don’t know how I feel about all this.”  
“No one’s expecting you to.” He looked up at the house, “I thought you lived in a village, not a city.”  
“Maybe I came here sometime? I don’t know.” He shrugged trying to act nonchalant about it, but Erik could hear the worry seeping into his voice. “I don’t remember. Just- I only- Why are we here.” He diverted away from what he really wanted to say. Yet, Erik knew what he was trying to say.  
“We need to defeat Zeref.” He grabbed a tight hold of Natsu’s hand, it was warm and comforting, it grounded Erik and told him he was really there. “And help you.”

Erik could see some of the dragon’s rotten flesh from where they were sat. It might have been four-hundred years ago, but underground the dead weren’t quite just skeletons yet.  
“It’s Igneel isn’t it?”  
Natsu shivered from the thought. The lack of response gave him his answer.  
“I guess the others are somewhere as well if that’s the case. But they don’t need to know. Not anymore.” Erik thought about all those times he heard from Natsu about finding the dragon. As well as how they first met. Erik was an enemy and yet he hadn’t missed the way the boy’s face lit up at the knowledge of him being a dragon slayer. Then later felt let down that Erik had just had a lacrima give to him.   
He thought about Natsu telling him about how Acnologia tore the dragon in half. But in reality, he was here rotting away the whole time. That Igneel was no more than a spirit. The other half of this rotting corpse buried away with this city and countless other corpses.  
_So cold.  
_“Huh?” Natsu looked up.  
“It’s that voice again. I feel like I’ve heard it before.” Erik stood up.  
“Well that’s comforting,” Natsu spoke sarcastically.  
_Help me.  
_The whisper sent a shiver down Natsu’s spine. It _did_ sound familiar. But also unfamiliar at the same time.

They sat in a comfortable silence, although Erik did have the urge to speak, he decided to leave it for the time being. Natsu would likely bolt again and next time he might actually lose him to this rotting underground fortress.  
To pass the time, Natsu had found himself with his apparent auntie’s diary in his hands. He read through each page with a sense of disbelief. This was _his_ aunty. His actually family. Four-hundred years ago. And about mid-way through Zeref was mentioned for the first time. A few pages after that is when he saw his own name.

_July 8th X392_

_My sister had another son. She named him Natsu. Just like the summer he is her light, her hope, her warmth. A lot like my sister really, although he looks just like his dad, while Zeref is the opposite. It’s amusing really. Their last name is Dragneel, just like mine. The dragon Igneel. They have that burning fire in them. But, I see Natsu and Zeref are very different. I can tell by the fire that burn’s in them._

_Their father is off to fight in this wretched war so I’ve been helping my sister out a lot. I couldn’t have children myself but I am content with it. I’m happy being an aunty.  
We’re in the great war of dragons and people. When my strength is back I will go back to my army. The revolution has begun. Change will happen. My sister doesn’t want me to go. But I have to. I need to._

_The Gods have grown bored._

It was strange seeing that date and his name. That was him. Natsu Dragneel of four-hundred years ago.  
“How long are you going to read that?” Erik looked down at the pages. He’d read it too and could see it was making Natsu uncomfortable. Nevertheless, he continued to read.  
“It’s not going to change anything.” Erik mumbled which fell upon deaf ears.  
Natsu read on remaining silent. He didn’t remember anything. Right now, it was still a point that he’d lived his whole life. With Igneel. With Fairy Tail. Without knowing anything about his family.  
“I want to remember.”  
“But it wont- ”Erik sighed knowing Natsu would keep on reading regardless. “It’s not going to get you anywhere Natsu. Don’t let it get to you.” The words _you’ll regret it_ went unsaid.  
“It’s something though. I don’t care what it is. Of course, there’s nothing happy. But this is a part of me.” He sounded disheartened by his own words. “I’d wondered a few times growing up what my family could have been like. I wasn’t an idiot, I knew Igneel wasn’t my actual dad. I hoped that, if they did die, it was because of something- I don’t know. Just-” He wasn’t really sure what to think anymore. He just wanted to _know.  
_Erik scowled.  
“Natsu this doesn’t define you. You need to remember that. So stop beating yourself up over all this. That might have been you once, but that shouldn’t change who you are now.”  
“I guess you’re right. But I’d still like to know.” He turned the page. Erik saw it was a losing battle and sighed.

_Our protector returned from the west today. He and a few other dragons had gone with him. I was unnerved to see very few return and there was a thick tense cloud that hung in the air for reasons unknown. They’d left to investigate the war as it inches towards our domain. Ishgar is falling apart. I guess that’s what happens in war. I don’t want my nephews to experience that.  
The dragons that had returned didn’t seem themselves. Quite. Brooding. They were covered in wounds and wouldn’t let the Doctor tend to them.  
Bless that man. He has a good heart. He seemed unhappy about the protector’s mood. They’re like best friends. He wasn’t even happy about them leaving in the first place. None of us were to be honest. _

_This war has to end I can’t-_

It was clear there should have been a continuation but the letters became frantic before abruptly cutting off.  
Natsu sighed. He honestly didn’t know what to expect anymore. Erik had read it too and before Natsu read anymore, he took the diary from him and closed it.  
“I think your done reading. You’re only damaging yourself doing that. I think you forget how well I know you. _Fairy Tail_ is your family. You’ve saved us more times than I can count despite everything and I’m sure the others would say the same. Let us return that.”  
Natsu made no effort to get the diary back but wouldn’t look the other mage in the eyes either.  
“Sorry, I don’t-”  
“Gyahh!” There was a loud crash from the house. The two sprung up and ran inside. They found a hole in the floor. Meredy was at the bottom of it, surrounded by some rubble.  
“Ow.” She rubbed her shoulder.  
“Are you okay?” Natsu shouted down to her noting how startled Jellal looked to the side of him. It was an amusing look on the usually stoic mage.  
“Y-yeah. I don’t think the house is though.” She laughed uneasily, “It’s really dark down here.”  
“I guess you haven’t found anything yet. You’ve been here for a while.” Erik glanced around the house, it barely looked like it could have been a home once. Wooden tables rotten, floor was taken over by nature with grass, mud and weeds. What was probably windows once were just now a hole in the wall, although some remnants of glass did still remain, albeit so dirty in moss and grime their purpose long gone. The house looked far more stable than the others he’d seen however. Even if Meredy did just fall through the floor and into what he assumed is a basement.  
“I think there’s something down here.” It was dark where she’d ended up, but in the dim light Meredy could make out a whole room. Natsu eventually jumped down and used his fire to give them light.  
Meredy was astonished. Within moments some of the fireflies had made their way in, and the place became clearer. Soon enough Jellal and Erik had joined them.

Natsu looked around with a sense of unease, the more fireflies that entered the room providing light, the larger the surrounding area became and Natsu no longer needed his magic. There were bookshelves filled with some tattered moss-covered books on one end. On the other was something that looked like a giant broken egg.  
“What is all this?” Jellal approached the egg-like object.  
“This looks like what the Tartarus demons put Mira and Minerva in to like make them demons or whatever.” Said Natsu. “They could revive the member’s too.” he added as an afterthought.  
Natsu stepped away suddenly feeling sick. Something about this place held an unwanted familiarity.  
_Help me.  
_“It’s that voice again?” Meredy searched around, but she couldn’t find any possible source.  
Erik shuddered.  
“O-oi. You don’t think that could be a ghost?” Erik tried to hide his unease. The thought of a ghost didn’t actually bother him, but it felt like the theatre again.  
“It’s not impossible. Whatever happened here wasn’t good. It looks like there could have been a war here.” Jellal didn’t seem too fazed by the voice. “It sounds familiar though.”

Natsu remained silent while the others began searching through the books, ignoring the cold feeling that was creeping into his body.  
**Aw what's wrong?  
**(Don’t patronise me arsehole.)  
**Want a hug  
**(Fuck off)  
“Do you want me to take you back up?” Erik had noticed the changed in Natsu’s demeanour and could tell the demon was bothering him again.  
**Isn’t he such a good boyfriend.  
**“N-no I’m fine.” He wasn’t reassuring with his answer, but Erik elected to leave it for now.  
Meredy began to grow frustrated as she looked through the books.  
“It has to be here!”  
_So cold.  
_The voice whispered again. Erik froze when he heard it again. He remembered whose voice it was. He turned around to see Natsu had moved from his previous spot. Natsu approached one of the bookcases. He’d seen a book. It didn’t really stand out, but it was defiantly different from the others.  
“Natsu!” Erik ran over to him as he went to pick up the book. Natsu was in a complete trace and gave no reply. He knew the voice.  
_Come back to me_.  
The others soon realized the same. They knew that voice. It was a child’s voice, but so familiar. Natsu reached out for the book. As soon as he touched it he collapsed in a heap on the grassy floor.  
Erik hadn’t reached him in time.  
The voice was Natsu’s.  
Erik shook him.  
“Natsu wake up!” he shook him again in a panic.  
Meredy rushed over to the tattered book. It had no name and it didn’t seem special. But when she opened it, she knew it must have been the book they were looking for.

_To Natsu,  
Have you forgotten you promise to me? I thought you might. So here it is.  
From the girl in white. _

“Natsu!” Erik shouted at him as Natsu opened his eyes.

He looked at the poison-mage blankly.  
“Eh?” Meredy looked down at the words, “from the girl in white.” She muttered in confusion. She turned to Natsu who gazed blankly at the wall behind Erik.  
“O-oi Natsu?” Erik shook him gently for a response. He got nothing but a blank gaze. He was still breathing and yet he felt cold. Dead.  
_Help me.  
_The voice echoed throughout the room. It sounded like a child. But, it was unmistakeably Natsu’s.  
Natsu closed his eyes. Jellal gently knelt down as if he were a wounded animal and felt his forehead. It felt normal again.  
“I think he’s fallen asleep.” Jellal looked at the others, “Don’t worry.” He paused, “He’s always pulls through right?” Despite his words however, he was worried.

Meredy tried to turn the pages in the book but they wouldn’t budge. Like they were glued together. She felt so lost. What promise? Who is the girl in white? Why did he suddenly collapse? The questions spiralled in her head as she looked at the frail-looking man now cradled in Erik’s arms. A situation under different circumstances she’s have teased them about later. But all she felt now was dread.  
“Natsu what did you do?” She whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeyy a bitch is back  
> This will be the last part of the 'Flames' section. The next is currently called 'Hereafter' however, since I've changed a lot of the plot and this was originally a 'final' part of sorts and wont be now I'll likely change the title of that. But just so you know anyway :)  
> Anyways sorry it took so long and that its kinda short but hope you enjoyed it !
> 
> ~ Max


	16. Drowning 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> E.N.D raises a good point and Natsu kinda hates that

The group set up camp in a sturdier house that was down the street. Natsu remained unconscious as his fever spiked. They felt no need to keep looking around the abandoned house. It seemed they had their answers which wasn’t a whole lot really, but it was evident the house had nothing else left to give.  
A book from a mysterious being that no matter what they did said book remained closed after they’d seen the note that was at the front. And a giant egg which almost looked like a variation of what the Tartarus demons used. It had Zeref written all over it without a doubt and while Meredy had her speculations, she had nothing to confirm as such for the time being.  
“We’ve got provisions that can last us a few days down here. I packed thinking we could be a while. Guess it paid off.” Said Meredy solemnly as she looked over to Natsu. He was pale and shaking and honestly, looked incomplete without his trade-marked scarf. It’d been bugging her for a while now as to where it was. She’d heard from Erza that he would never part with it. But he hasn’t had it from all the way back when she’d ran into him.  
“We’ll the fevers gone down a bit, but it keeps spiking every now and then.” Said Erik.  
Meredy couldn’t help but smile a little at how caring he’d been over the dragon-mage. Usually, Erik was the sort of person to hide away his worry and concern over others, but from the moment Natsu had collapsed he’s barley left his side in the last three days.  
“He’ll pull through.” Said Jellal.

From within the darkness, Natsu knew he wasn’t alone. There were murmurs of unfamiliar voices surrounding him. Where he was exactly he couldn’t say. What even happened? How did he get here?  
 _Who was that_? It sounded familiar. He couldn’t remember. Did he know the voice? Voices? Where was he? Natsu spiralled into thoughts, with more and more unanswered questions. Even the demon’s voice wasn’t present.  
Natsu brooded in the darkness for a while. Oddly enough the voices surrounding him should have made him fearful. But, it didn’t. It didn’t faze him at all. It felt. Comforting. It was better than silence. Even though the voices were clearly insane, screaming out in pain. To be let out. To die.  
 _Die?  
_ No that book wouldn’t have killed him. What even was that book? All he did was touch it. It wasn’t E.N.D. Zeref still had that? Right?  
He felt a vague warmth. He was still alive. Maybe? He really didn’t know. But it still made him wonder where in the hell was he? At least his mind? Soul? Somewhere in the distance among the voices of the insane, Natsu could just make out some familiar voices.  
 _Gray?  
Erza? Lucy?  
Erik?  
_Some other familiar voices rang out over the whispered murmurs. They echoed in ever direction and sounded distance. The place was just black. No walls, shadows, floors, nothing. Even if he wanted to chase after them he had no idea which direction to take, or what was left from right.  
“I knew you’d forget your promise to me. Natsu.” A voice called out in the darkness suddenly hushing every other voice. Natsu spun around trying to locate it, but like all the other voices previously it echoed around him. Even with his eyesight, it was too dark to see, and he couldn’t seem to use his magic.  
“Having trouble little dragon?” The feminine voice boomed again.  
“W-who are you?” Natsu gave up trying to see. It was too dark and the echoing was actually making him disoriented, triggering his motion sickness.  
The voice cackled.  
“Well, that’s just plain insulting my sweet Natsu. I mean I figured your brother messed up your memories. But, don’t you have them back?”  
Natsu felt nauseous leaving him unable to respond.  
“Hmph. Well then.” The voice sighed, sounding truly let down it had been forgotten. “Logically it's about now that I _should_ tell you. But.” It giggled. “I have a feeling we’ll meet soon. And if we don’t then it wont matter.”  
“The hell does that mean?” Natsu’s voice cracked as he failed to hide his fear.  
“It means you died sweetie.” It chirped, the voice not matching what it had just said.  
Natsu was frozen in place. He had no idea what was going on and there was something about the chipper voice of the mysterious entity that he found unsettling. Natsu tried and tried again to use his magic. There was defiantly something, but he didn’t seem to be getting anywhere.  
“What’s wrong child. Do you fear me?” The voice laughed again, “You shouldn’t. You didn’t last time and you were much smaller and weaker then. Or have you become so reliant on that magic of yours you feel scared without it.”  
“Shut-up ’m not scared.” He was trembling. He was very scared.  
Natsu tried to remember, but it was like it was the only thing being blocked. He’d managed to remember everything else. At least everything after he’d been revived up to passing out before.  
But his first life. Nothing. Darkness. But something had changed since Zeref unsealed E.N.D without a doubt. Before he never felt like he’d forgotten anything, but even now it felt like the memories were there but it was like he didn’t want to remember.  
“That’s it isn’t it. You don’t fear me. You fear _it_.” The words sent shivers down Natsu’s spine. “You fear _You.”_ It said and Natsu knew what it meant.  
The demon.  
The other him.  
He wanted to believe it was a separate entity. But he knew it wasn’t. It was like he’d been split in half when Zeref revived him and all the bad that came with his death was sealed away.

In some logical, annoyingly frustrating way that Natsu had tucked away in the depths of his brain it wasn’t the ‘demon’ he feared and now it was being slapped in his face. What the demon voice had been teasing about at times.  
 _He didn’t want to remember dying_. Remembering such things would make him acknowledge what awaits him at the end. He didn’t want to know what awaited him. But he’d cheated death somehow. The knowledge he gained from it was his punishment. It was only a matter of time before that punishment actually came into play. Was this one of his brother’s pawns too? Was this Zeref’s way of saying that as brothers they must suffer the same fate? Same suffering? Or was this something unrelated to his older brother?  
“Let me erase that fear and grant you knowledge Natsu.” Natsu felt as though this being was near him. Behind him. But he saw nothingness. Darkness. An empty space. Yet it was as though something, someone was looming over him. Crushing him further into the darkness. “Let me help you remember.”  
Natsu’s fear took another spike as he began to shake, unable to move as though chains replaced his scarf around his neck.  
His scarf?  
What _had_ happened to that? He suddenly thought which only made him more afraid.   
Natsu shook in fear.  
“No. No. No. No I don’t want to. I don’t want to remember. Don’t make me remember. Whatever that promise was, I’ll do it. But please. Please don’t make me remember.” _What am I saying? Of course, I want to remember. No. No I don’t._ “I don’t know. I don’t know. Help me.” He pleaded with a sense of hopelessness. His mind had become so clouded he began contradicting himself. Or rather he was thinking of two different things and entwining them as one.  
“Your promise was to serve me Natsu. Will you do that for me?” He could feel the smile on the entities face (if it had one).  
Regardless of his answer, he had no choice in the matter. Before he knew it, he had memories of another time rushing through his head. There were things he realized he’d remembered when E.N.D was unsealed. But it was enough to hurt his brain. But the memories didn’t stop there.

He was young. A boy. A woman. A man. Men with swords. Spears. Arrows. A dragon. A grey dragon. A red dragon. Fire. So much red.  
 _A woman in white._  
But her face was still a blur to him.  
“What your brother did, using deaths curse, granted me an opportunity.” It giggled. “He wanted to revive you. So I get to play this game all over again.” It laughed maniacally as its voice began to fade.  
“Your memory of me and your death are still a little fuzzy it seems. I guess you _really_ don’t want to remember huh?” It asked, voice now distant. “Maybe it’s for the best. You need to deal with your brother before you can play with me yeah? So be a good little dragon and go kill your brother. Oh! And Acnologia too while you’re at it! _Then_ we can play together again Natsu!” It continued to giggle like a little child as everything went silent and Natsu was left on his own.  
Yeah, manic murmuring voices were better than the silence.

Meredy had grown desperate and try to pry the book simply with force and out of frustration threw it at a wall which left a dent.  
When it fell it opened.  
“Seriously?” She grumbled to no one, but Erik and Jellal had both witnessed what just happened.  
“That worked huh?” Erik snorted which got a glare from the woman.  
Jellal, ignoring the two who’s begun to bicker walked over and hesitantly picked up the book before sighing.  
It was empty. Aged with about three-hundred cream coloured pages and not a single word written anywhere. Even the previous message from the mysterious ‘Woman in white’ had disappeared.  
“Oh no. Jellal don’t make that face.” Meredy ignored Erik’s grumbling.  
“What face?” He raised his brow at her.  
“The ‘this-was-a-waste-of-time face’.” She said.   
“Fuck.” Erik muttered. “There’s nothing in there is there?” He asked already knowing the answer, in which Jellal meekly nodded.

Natsu gradually opened his eyes while still almost panting from his excessive heat, which even bothered him. He felt dazed and confused on his surroundings, eventually, his eyes managed to adjust and made out a purplish haired old woman.  
“P-Porlyusica?” His throat was dry and his voice was barely a whisper.  
“You need to rest Natsu.” She said sternly, although her worry was evident.  
“I’m sor-sorry.” He whispered as he fought his eyes to stay open. Why was he sorry again?  
“No one’s blaming you for anything. So don’t apologise. Rest.” She once again checked his temperature.  
“How is he?” He heard Lucy asked. With Happy flying straight to Natsu’s side. His eyes were closed he didn’t know why he struggled so much when he didn’t even feel tired. But another part of him didn’t have the energy to speak or move.  
It felt like he was chained down.  
“He woke up briefly before. But he was heavily dazed and confused.” She sighed in more annoyed than anything.  
 **Yo ’r a bu en N ts**   
The voice was there. He could faintly hear it, but it was being drowned out by static.  
 **Wa e p  
** His head hurt.  
“He’ll only grow more tired if you all keep coming here with those worried looks.” She protested. Clearly signalling for them to leave. Which with some hesitation they did and once again it was just the old hag and him.  
 **D m n wa e u !  
Li t n to e!  
W e up!  
Na u!  
**The heat felt worse with each passing second. He wasn’t sure if Porlyusica had said anything to him as the broken words of the demon were fighting over the painful static in his head. He was just so tired.  
His neck felt itchy.  
“Open your eyes Natsu.” Everything stopped at the sound of the old woman’s voice and suddenly he felt like he could breathe.  
At least until he looked at the woman.  
It wasn’t Porlyusica.  
It was his mother. He’d seen her in a few of his nightmares but now for some reason, he was aware of who she was.  
“Mum?”  
Before any more words were exchanged she smiled and it looked wrong. It was manic and twisted in a way Natsu didn’t think was possible for someone with a kind face.  
“What’s wrong sweetie?” She asked, voice distorted as the static returned.  
 **ak up di kh ad!  
** The faint scar on his neck was itchy.  
“Why don’t you come with me Natsu?” She walked closer to him. Her left foot dragged across the floor.  
His head hurt.  
“Come with mummy Natsu.” Her right eye socket was empty with nothing but a void of darkness within and blood pouring out.  
His head felt like it’d been smashed against a table and his neck itched, yet his still didn’t move or say a word.  
 **Wa e p!  
** “Daddy wants to see you Natsu.” There was a knife in her right eye socket. She dragged closer.  
 **WAK U !**

He couldn’t understand why he felt so tired. He tried and tried to move, but his mind and body weren’t letting him, like it was all shutting down. Almost like it was finally giving him a long and overdue response that it’s time to rest for a while. Which Natsu didn’t like. Nonetheless, his body seemed to have developed its own thoughts and feelings and was drawing the line on how far Natsu could push himself. Yet, he couldn’t shake himself from thinking how Zeref is still out there and running a country no less, the war was imminent. He needed to wake up.  
 **WAKE P!  
** Then there was Acnologia. He needed to fulfil Igneel’s final request. Needed to kill Zeref and put his brother out of misery. To Natsu, this was no time to rest. However, this exhaustion left him in a dark abyss and left him to do nothing but think rather than act.  
He felt chains snake around his neck.  
“Why won't you say anything to me Natsu?” She was closer. “I’m your mother. I love you.” he continued to ignore her as his mind drifted.  
 _Why does it have to be me? Why do I have to clean up my brother’s mess? Why do I have to clean up the dragon's mess? This guilds mess? I’m not supposed to even be here. So why am I having to go to the ends of the earth of the people who are supposed to be here? What am I doing? I don’t want this. I’m tired._  
 **Because if you don’t do it there won’t be an end.  
** _I’m tired._  
 **We don’t get to rest Natsu. Not us.** _  
_It sounded melodramatic to him at first. Family is family. The point of that is to go to the ends of the earth for them. But it should be more like you go to the ends of the earth with them.

Natsu felt more and more alone with each passing day. He believed Erik and the others when they would tell him that they’re not leaving him. But what about Fairy Tail?  
However, they don’t understand what this situation is like for Natsu. If Zeref dies. Natsu dies too. If Zeref dies, this will all be over. Jellal said he wanted him to live, but some things just aren’t realistic.  
Natsu had since remembered the other dragon slayers had come from four-hundred years ago too. The eclipse gate.  
This mess wasn’t just for him to do. It felt like they were leaving him behind, intentional or not. Nevertheless, everyone will finally have peace. Except for Natsu. Natsu won’t get to see that. He’s done so much over the years that it really hit him hard to find out that eventually, it’ll equate to nothing in his eyes. That peace he fought for. He won’t even get to see. The problem was that they were trying to fix that while ignoring the blatant truth. Natsu had already died. The reality was, there was nothing the fix.  
 _I shouldn’t be here._  
 **And yet here you are fuck face. So get a grip.  
** It was these thought’s that caused his exhaustion in the first place. He was just so fucking tired of it all and the demon- him? Wasn’t helping he wasn’t even listening to it anymore.

He remembered nearly everything when he touched that book, aside from that woman and how he died, but it’s probably not that important.  
 **I beg to differ.  
** (Then beg fucker)  
 **Ah he speaks!  
** These thoughts running through his head over and over were spurring on the exhaustion. But he didn’t care, because he doesn’t see the point anymore. It was a selfish way of thinking, however he doesn’t want to fight anymore. I’m tired. Why should he fight for a sense of peace he won’t get to see? Why should he suffer for the sake of others getting peace? When they’re the ones who destroyed the peace in the first place. Why should someone who shouldn’t be here have to go through life again only to sacrifice themselves?  
 **Life is a possibility you know. Last I check Natsu Dragneel didn’t half-ass shit or give up on his friends. So what the fuck are you doing!?  
** (It would just cause more problems)  
 **Of course it will!** E.N.D laughed. **But you know what? We don’t stop. We don’t give up just because of uwu it’s too fucking hard. No! We keep going.  
** (Why the fuck do you even care)  
 **Wh- Why do I care!** He sputtered in disbelief. **Newsflash shitstain! I’m you! I care because you care dickweed. So get a fucking grip. Yes, we could die. But maybe have a little faith in strawberry cakes boyfriend yeah? If death _is_ so imminent them what could we possibly lose in trying?  
**Natsu had not responded to that. E.N.D was right and he didn’t want to accept that fact. But he sort of had to. Because just mentioning Erza made him remember that he’d be a giant fucking hypocrite if he failed them.  
 **So wake the fuck up!**


	17. Drowning 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~ If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise  
> If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say as a disclaimer but in this take of mine both Ultear and Cubellios are dead.  
> I don't think its bad that Ultear died but I think she might as well have cause I think what she can do is just OP and too convenient. But whatever. She dead as hell in this story.  
> And Cubellios- Kinana? Don't know her. Moving on.

It was a few more days before Natsu woke up. Or in Erik’s words had ‘scared the living shit out of them’ as he shot up so quickly he gave Meredy, who had been checking his temperature at that moment, a mild concussion.  
With some hesitation, Natsu explained what happened. Or at least summarized it. He remembered most of his brief life before dying. He didn’t remember how he died however.

It wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t the full truth either. But he didn’t really know what to make of the other voice declaring to ‘play’ with them or the creepy memory of his dead mother.  
Besides, he didn’t think it really added to anything anyway, even with Meredy mentioning the note that was in the now-empty book from a ‘woman in white’. He did wonder if that was who the voice was.  
Even still it was a lot of nothing so he left it at that and they moved on.

The next part was while Natsu was out Jellal had found a note in one of the houses, it looked pretty old so they could assume that it was from one of the city-folk and not a traveller.

_South-East is where the dragon sleeps,  
Dark Wood there, buried deep in mud.  
Our protector slumbers there. _

It was cryptic, because nothing was ever easy, which Erik grumbled about continuously. But Jellal remembered the owner of the diary mentioning ‘our protector’ and while it seemed like a meek thing to connect, they had nothing else.  
“This looks like a ‘dark wood’ right?” Asked Natsu who sounded uneasy, which one would assume is because he just remembered his family. But Erik understood the sentiment. The only thing he could hear were trees dancing in the wind. As for seeing, it was trees, trees and more trees.  
There wasn’t a single bird chirping, a squirrel or rabbit scurrying. A deer, fox, bear. Nothing. Not an animal in sight or sound.  
There was also the matter of ‘dark wood’. They’d all assumed wrongfully that it just meant the trees were a dark colour or something. Not that they looked like regular evergreens.  
Dark magic slept here and Erik hated how familiar it felt.  
It reminded him of Nirvana.  
It reminded him of his failure to protect his friend.  
Natsu had clearly noted his turmoil as he reached subtly for his arm. If Jellal or Meredy saw it then they didn’t comment. When he turned to the pink-haired pyro he got an unexpected Natsu-like grin.  
“It wasn’t going to be easy right?” He said playfully. Erik couldn’t help but smirk back.  
“Be boring if it was.”

Unfortunately, before the anxiety could fully leave Erik, they’d walked about five minutes into the woods and feelings of Nirvana were replaced with feelings of the theatre’s backstage and from the way Natsu had stiffened next to him, he’d felt the same pit of anxiety and fear grow.  
Natsu tried to listen out for something, but the anxiety only grew, the lack of life was the first thing they’d all noted but now it’d grown quieter.  
“I- I can’t hear anything.” He spoke not hiding his worry.  
“Well if there’s no animals, then I guess that’s its normal that it’s quiet.” Jellal looked around, despite his words being a stoic person by nature just made it all the more obvious when he was concerned.  
“No. I mean. I can’t hear _anything_.” Natsu emphasized as he looked around and noticed that the trees suddenly stopped. The wind had died.  
Silence.

Meredy couldn’t help but think that it’d gotten darker the further they’d walked. When she looked up she was met with a pitch-black sky that looked as though someone had just grabbed some black paint and smeared it across the sky. No stars, moon, clouds. Nothing.  
Just blackness.   
“Maybe we should turn back?” She asked eyes fixated on the sky. Meredy noted the lack of response and went to repeat herself. “Guys?”  
She was alone.

Jellal continued searching. The further he walked, the more he noticed the leaves on the floor. Eventually, he looked up to the trees. They looked like they were dying. He swivelled around only to realize he must have walked off. He was alone. The worrying part was he couldn’t hear anyone. Only his own breathing.  
Jellal ever the calm one tried to rationalise himself. But everything looked the same. There was no sun or moon to direct him. No wind to follow. No specific trees that acted as markers. The more he realised this, the harder it was to contain his panic.  
Through the trees he saw a humanoid silhouette. Possibly male judging from the height and large build. It was far away so he couldn’t make out a face but Jellal remained on guard, they looked like a fighter, although Jellal was hoping they weren’t looking for a fight.  
He began walking towards it. They didn’t have Natsu’s spikey hair and was too tall to be Erik.  
As he drew near his face grew pale.  
“You killed me but you let that demon live?” The voice echoed quiet yet powerful.  
“Si-Simon?”

Erik had also found himself suddenly alone. Only it was odd. He didn’t remember walking off, nor did he remember anyone aside from Meredy walking off either.  
“Uh. Guys?” He tried to hide the anxiety in his voice as he scratched his wrists. They hurt.  
He felt like he was being watched. The feeling sent shivers down his spine. But, the only things he could see were trees, and most of them didn’t even look living anymore. Erik felt the temperature drop and it quickly came in view what was watching him intently.  
Yellow eyes watched him from a tree.  
Erik felt his neck tighten as something wrapped around it.  
 _Don’t worry Erik. Sssstay with me.  
_“No no no nono. I can’t deal with this shit now. Fuck!” His voice barely raised about a whisper as he scratched his neck. It felt tight and heavy. But there was nothing there.  
Yellow eyes watched him from a tree.

Natsu walked through the woods shaking in fear, his pace gradually picking up to a sprint as the panic grew. He felt like he was going in circles. Everyone just. Vanished. Everything looked the same. He tried to go back to the village, but this place was like a labyrinth. What put him on edge, even more, was the voices that screamed through the trees. He couldn’t make out what they were. He just hoped that his friends were okay.  
 **I’m still here.  
** (Fucking good that does me.)  
 **Just sayin’.  
**“Yeah well shut the fuck up.”

Meredy began to wander aimlessly around what she saw as a blossoming woodland. Yet, still no other signs of life, except her, trees and flowers.  
“Guys this isn’t funny!” She shouted. “You guys!” her shouts had become desperate, “Anyone?!”  
Meredy developed an uneasy feeling that something was wrong. She didn’t even remember leaving the others. She was alone in this maze.  
With each step, she began to become more and more disorientated. So eventually stopped. However, the moment she did, the leaves began to fall around her and turned into a rapid dull decayed mass.  
“Why did I die for that demon?” A familiar voice rang out.  
Meredy grew pale as a female figure stood before her.  
“Ul-Ultear?”  
“He used me! Zeref used me! Used us! I didn’t want to help him!” She looked in pain, “Why did you go! Why did you follow that- that- thing! WHY DID YOU FOLLOW IT?!” She screamed.

“Natsu listen to me.” The voice surrounded Natsu as he fought to ignore it. Even E.N.D wasn’t talking and he hated that he _didn’t_ find that comforting, especially after telling the demon to shut up multiple times.  
“No. Shut up! You’re not real. You’re not real. You. You’re not- ” Natsu tried running, but the voice followed him.  
“Naaaatsu. Don’t be like that. You know I’m right.” The voice laughed. “They don’t care about you. You wouldn’t be here if they did. If only they knew. Come on Natsu. I know you better than any of those pathetic, naïve, brainless apes.” It cackled with the wind.  
 _She giggled.  
_“Shut up!” Natsu screamed.  
“Just give in Natsu.” She purred. “You’re tired. Tired of running. Of fighting. So why don’t you let me take control for a while.” A faceless figure with white hair grabbed Natsu’s arm.  
“Let’s have fun like we used to. Let’s burn this world to fucking ashes.” _She_ began to laugh again, as Natsu attempted to break free from her grip.  
 **Oi dumbass what are you freaking out about. There’s nothing there.  
** ( ~~help me~~ )  
 **Natsu?  
** ( ~~can’t breathe~~ )  
 **NATSU!?  
** ( ~~I don’t want to go back~~ )

Meredy ran until her feet gave out. That wasn’t Ultear. It was whatever dark magic had plagued this place. After what felt like hours wandering the forest, she’d reached a point where she wanted to find the village more than her friends.  
They were nowhere in sight, nowhere to be heard. All she could hear were whispers in the wind of unknown voices. Unknown words. She tried to block it out, but it was gradually driving her insane with fear and anxiety.

After some time being slumped against a tree, Meredy’s surroundings gradually changed, it was subtle, like the sky going from black to a lighter purple and life springing back into the trees, but it was enough to drag herself up and start walking again.  
Eventually, she came across an old abandoned house that was rotting away back into nature.  
“What is this place?” Her curiosity shook away most of her fear as she approached.  
The absent door gave the woman her invitation to enter. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as dark as she thought it’d be. In the largest room of this rundown house, she found herself looking at a strange artefact.  
“What is all this?”

Meanwhile, Natsu found himself unable to run any more. He was tired and there were so many trees, that they blocked out the sky above. Last he saw it the sky was a dark grey, but it was still light enough to see. Now it was just dark.  
 **Natsu will you fucking listen to me?!**  
No matter how far Natsu ran, the ghostly figure would just be there. Lingering.  
Everywhere looked so parallel that Natsu began to wonder if he’d even run anywhere in the first place. The moment he was surrounded by these ghastly rotten trees, was the moment he well and truly became lost. He’d become so disorientated that it made his head spin and caused him to throw up a few times.  
“This isn’t real. This isn’t real.” He panted as he fell to his knees.  
“I’m very real Natsu.” She- It- Whatever the fuck it was cackled again. “If I wasn’t. Then you wouldn’t be real either. You’d just be dead. Right where you should be. 6ft under. Just like mu-”  
“Shut up!”  
 **Natsu fucking talk to me!**  
There was a little ounce of light that tried to fight its way through the thick tree branches, however it was slowly fading away. Natsu grew fearful of the sudden darkness. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to use his magic. He couldn’t see anything. The only thing he could hear was the monster that was with him.  
He couldn’t even hear E.N.D’s panicked voice telling him there was nothing there.  
He couldn’t evens see that the figure was just a tree and what had ‘grabbed’ him earlier was a vine. 

Cubellios’ sobbing sounds resonated throughout the forest.  
“Why? Why won’t you come with me Erik?” Her screams screamed with the wind. “Why go after that monster?” Erik tried to run away from her but the snake had wrapped herself around his neck and was slowly squeezing. “You lied to me! You said we would be fine! You said Brain wouldn’t hurt me! Why? Why didn’t you protect me?!” Her voice screeched in his head causing a migraine to form. “And you befriended it! Why! Why would you do that?!” She wailed.  
Erik was baffled by all of what she was saying. It didn’t sound like the snake he knew. She was kind and accepting, she wanted him to go off and have actual friends (because in her words, having a snake only he could ‘talk’ to wasn’t enough, but the old Erik would have argued against that).  
She wouldn’t judge someone from what they were surrounded by. Why was she saying all of this?  
“He’ll kill you! He or his brother will! He-”  
“No he won’t! Natsu has done nothing but save me! He even tried to save you! Why would he suddenly kill me! Who are you?! I know you aren’t Cubellios!” He felt something in the pit of his stomach, this was all wrong.  
“I did nothing but suffer. For your sake. Why does he get to be revived? His life has been nothing but death. Then he comes here and has this happy-go-lucky life!” The snake shouted back ignoring Erik’s words.  
He’d grown quite fearful of this thing in front of him. This thing with her voice, that looked like her, but not quite. Her usual purple scales that would shimmer in the sunlight and glisten with the moon were dull, grey almost. There were also missing scales that revealed fleshy bloody muscle. Her yellow eyes looked sickly, evil.  
He wanted to run, but he felt like there was some force, keeping in him place. He couldn’t run anywhere.  
“That _thing_ is dead. It’s not human. Why are you protecting that monster? But you won’t protect me.” It shouted.

This situation felt like it’d lasted hours and Erik felt fear become replaced with frustration. He slowly accepted and played along with what was happening, maybe if he did that he might get some answers.  
“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not killing Natsu!” He shouted back. “I don’t know what you know. But the Natsu with me now is human. He’s not a demon. And he’s not Zeref’s brother! He’s not Zeref’s puppet!” Erik could hear the crack in his voice, “What is wrong with you? I’m not killing Natsu. He is alive right now and he has a chance to be alive and happy. After everything that has happened to him, after what I did, he still tries to protect me. You’re dead. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to protect you. But I know Cubellios. She knew there wasn’t complete protection from Brain. I killed him you know?” He laughed bitterly. “I killed him because even after everything he still didn’t care about any of us. He didn’t care that he killed you or what you meant to me. You were dealt a shitty hand in life attaching yourself to me in that godforsaken cell. And fuck if I’m going to let Natsu endure a similar fate. That’d be an insult to you. So whoever- whatever the fuck you are, don’t you fucking dare use my dead friend to convince me to kill someone I love!” He was rambling, he knew he was and much of what he was saying probably wasn’t making any sense, but he couldn’t stop the words spiralling from his mouth.   
Cubellios’s held a familiar softness to her eyes that Erik missed.  
“You love him?” She asked with any previous malice now absent.  
Erik hesitated as he processed what he’d actually just said.  
“Wha- fuck. Yeah. Fuck I love him.” His voice went quieter with every word. He wasn’t even admitting that to her but himself at this point. “I love him.” He repeated.  
Cubellios sighed.  
“Revival isn’t natural Erik and deep down even you know that. It distorts and abuses the natural order. You know how long it took for that thi- for _him_ to be revived. Years! Do you honestly believe he is okay with that? I miss life. I miss you and the rest of the Oracion Seis.” She grumbled out an ‘except Brain’ afterwards. “But I don’t think I’d want to be revived. Death frees us from the constraints this Earth has developed. It brings meaning to life. And Zeref? Zeref had snatched that away from him. What Zeref had done to him is cruel and cold-hearted.” She sounded calm like Erik had always known her. Almost like whatever this was, had adjusted more to his memory of her, or that maybe it hadn’t been acting at all and was simply angry.  
“I’m sorry. I’m dead Erik. You’re right. You did protect me till the very end. I loved you like family. I protected you as you protected me. But I’m dead and Natsu should be too.” She sighed again, “It’s only a matter of time before he snaps. Before that darkness take him. It’s not a darkness you can remove either. Because it’s death itself. E.N.D is him, but with the memory of death. He was dead for too long. And even being dead at all. You can’t revive without repercussions on the soul. Zeref may have pushed that boundary. But at what price? There has to be a balance and that balance _wasn’t_ Zeref’s curse.”  
Erik frowned at that. At the back of his mind, he knew she was right. He’d already figured that was what E.N.D was. Natsu had mentioned that it was him and not a separate entity. E.N.D was spite, anger and evil. But maybe it wasn’t.  
Maybe E.N.D really was just Natsu, but a Natsu who knew of death- a brutal cold-blooded murder-type death. A Natsu who was filled with justified rage, emptiness for a lost life and fear.  
Erik didn’t know what to say. Was it right? Was it wrong? He didn’t know anymore. All this time they assumed the price was Zeref’s curse, but when he actually thought about it, Zeref already has the curse when he revived Natsu. In regards to the revival itself, who actually paid the price for that?  
“It’s hurting him more that you know. After what’s happened. Sooner or later it’ll hurt all of you. _Death_ is his salvation Erik.”  
Erik could no longer look at the entity.  
“No. No it isn’t. Not Natsu’s. I know revival isn’t normal or right. But Natsu has done more than enough to show he is alive right now. If he’s in pain, then that’s what we’re here for. I. I-” He tried to hold back the tears brimming in his eyes, “I won’t let him go out like that!” They were words he’d never thought he’d say and he’d die before he admitted it to anyone else.   
The entity left.

“Si-Simon what. What’s going on?!” Jellal began stumbling his words. “And what are you talking about? Natsu? This doesn’t soun-” No, this isn’t Simon. Jellal rationalised himself. _  
_ “Who are you?” His fear and anxiety ceased. He managed to straighten himself out and readied his magic.  
The thing that was Simon laughed, “You know who I am. You just don’t want to accept that you killed me. You pathetic boy!” Whatever it was, it was keeping up with its little act.  
Jellal was unmoved by the statement.  
“You’re not Simon. Who are you and why are you doing all this!? What have you done with the others!?” He remained in his stance, not allowing himself to waver.  
“Alright then, if you’re going to stay with that.” Its voice changed into something unfamiliar, “Well I guess it’s pointless keeping this up.” It began morphing into a black shadow.  
“You’re a clever one, Mr. Fernandes. So many questions though. I guess that doesn’t make you too clever. But even I can’t answer some, so I’ll give you a little leeway.” It sighed, “You people are really ruining my fun.”  
The creature crept towards Jellal.  
“I’m not a _who_. Well, not anymore anyway. I’m more of a _what_. As for why?” It giggled, “I’m bored and I just- can.” It was very blunt with its response. This annoyed him but it was answering her questions, although condescending, he remained silent.  
“Your friends? Ha they’re scattered all over the woodland. I think two of them are catching up with you though, which is no fun for me. But little Natsu-” It continued laughing, “He’ll keep me entertained for days. I think he’s too far gone. If you want out, then go right ahead. But you ain’t gonna find him.” Its laugh echoed through the whole forest, it even caused some of the trees to shake.  
“What are you talking about? What are you doing to him!?” Jellal relaxed a little already determined that the astral being wouldn’t attack him.  
“Death does that you know. As a spirit myself I’d know. With the right push and information _,_ it’ll drive you insane. I’m amazed he’s held out this long. But I guess he didn’t remember much.” It giggled. “Oops.”  
Jella’s patience was beginning to grow thin.  
“What have you done to him?! Where is he?”

Having said they were ruining its fun, made him assume the others aside from Natsu had figured it out and could possibly find an opening like him. Whatever this thing brought up with them, they’d likely already had closure with, so it makes sense they would have dismissed it.  
Jellal came to the conclusion that he was in a position where he could only worry about Natsu as they were all split up but Meredy and Erik were likely out of danger. So he placed his all focus on trying to get to Natsu.  
Of course, finding him was easier said than done.

“Come ooonnnnn Natsu! Let me play.” The entity persisted around him like a bored child who was seeking attention. Natsu sat up against a tree burying his face into his arms. Trying to block out the world.  
 **Natsu whatever it is, it isn’t real.** E.N.D was panicked now. It was like Natsu’s mind had completely shut down. Nothing was getting through to him. God he actually wished one of the others found him soon.  
“You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re not real.” He’d had become so lost, that all he could do was repeat himself, leaving him in a traumatic shock.  
The entity knelt in front of him and grinned, glaring sharp fangs on an otherwise empty face.  
“Come ooonnn Natsuuuu. You’re no fun. I’m so booored.” It pined.  
Eventually much to E.N.D’s dismay, Natsu had stopped talking all together with his head still buried in his arms.  
 **Natsu, please!** E.N.D actually begged.  
“Naaaassuuuuu! Don’t ignore me!” the entity howled, aching for attention. “I know you’re listening.” still no response. Natsu began to shake.  
 _What is this? What’s going on? What do I do? Where am I? What’s happening to me? How do I ~~le~~ av ~~e? How~~ do I ~~get~~ it to leave? Where is ever ~~yone? W~~ hy am I alone? Why am I here? I’m scared. Help me. I’m sc ~~ared~~. ~~I’~~ m scared. Help me I’m scared I’m scared. Help. I’m ~~scaredI’m scared,~~_ ~~_Help me_~~ _. ~~I’m scared, I’m scared~~_ ~~_I’m scared I’m sc_~~ _aredI’ ~~m scaredI’m scaredscaredI’m scared. So scared. Someone help me. Help me. Help -~~_


	18. Drowning 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you know what it even is?” Erik asked.  
> Meredy thought back to all the books she’d read about monsters and honestly? There were a million things that fit the current description.  
> But it clearly had a hit on Natsu, which made her mind wander to two possibilities and she didn’t like either of them.  
>  “Meredy?” Erik impatiently broke her from her thoughts as she realised she still hadn’t answered him.  
>  “Specifically? No.” Erik rolled his eyes at that as if he kinda figured that already. “But two things come to mind. A vengeful spirit or a demon.”  
>  “A spirit makes sense. But demon? I wasn’t expecting specifics but that’s a little too general.” He grumbled.  
>  “If it is a demon. I think specifically-” she mocked his tone, “-it is a demon from a book of Zeref.”  
>  “God I fucking hope not.” Said Erik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's been a while. I'll have a fullish note at the end so I won't bore you here and you can finally jump into a new chapter!
> 
> This has been half written since September oops  
> Hope you enjoy 
> 
> ~ Max

Meredy searched around the house, trying to find something, anything that would get her out of this maze and find her friends.   
She wondered if the odd cube-like artefact was connected to the dark magic that emitted throughout the woodland.  
Thinking back she vaguely remembered overhearing some of the townspeople mention that anyone who ventures in the wood either don’t return or return insane. She hadn’t investigated further on it because it seemed it was just kids messing around, trying to scare each other with old wives tales.   
But clearly, she was extremely off the mark there and was now paying the price. Whether the kids actually knew or not was debatable, she hoped they did, otherwise, they’d end up here too.

She tried to remember what they had said. Something about a monster itself, with no true description as the few, now insane, witnesses all said different things. Ranging from human to demonic.  
Fuck she really wished she hadn’t brushed them off.   
She wanted to help her friends as soon as possible. Believing they were okay. Yet, they’re sudden disappearance and the wailing wind was making her uneasy about the situation. It wasn’t long before she heard footsteps. They were approaching the house quickly. Meredy quickly hid.  
The mysterious figure approached the house with caution, before supposing there wasn’t much to it and entered.  
“What the fuck is that?” Meredy lit up when she heard the familiar grumpy voice and shot out from under the broken coffee table.   
“Erik!” She launched herself into him.  
“Meredy what the fuck?!” Erik jumped out of his skin by the unexpected welcome.  
“You all disappeared. I couldn’t find anyone. I was all alone.” Her voice became quiet.   
“Hm. I guess we all got split up then. Have you found anyone else?” He was hoping for a yes. But judging from how quiet the area was, he may have just asked a stupid question.  
“No. I tried looking for everyone, but gave up and tried to leave and go back to the village. That’s when I found this old looking house. Where did you go?”   
“I don’t really know.” He shrugged pushing back the memory of Cubellios. “But I think I found the cause of the magic. Kinda. Or at least I’ve seen what it does to people. You?”  
“Did you- uh- see someone?” She asked not wanting to mention that she’d seen her dead friend who told her to kill Natsu.   
Erik didn’t respond straight away and that told Meredy enough, especially with the solemn look of his face. She didn’t expect him to respond at all.  
“She told me to kill Natsu.”  
“Who?”  
He went silent again. Meredy didn’t like the distant look in his eyes and decided to not push further. She knew enough.   
“Yeah. I was told the same thing.”  
“Guess it really doesn’t like Natsu then huh? Whatever-the-fuck it is.” Erik retorted but it lacked any of his usual charm Meredy had come to appreciate. She didn’t like when he got like this. When any of them, even Jellal, got like this. She never knew what to do.   
It all went back to that fucking tower and the Zeref cult fu-   
Meredy shook her head. No need to go there right now.   
“I think it got bored with me.” Erik said suddenly.   
“Huh?” She looked at him in confusion.   
“The entity." He corrected. "I basically said I wouldn’t kill him and it just kinda left.”  
“Huh.” She pondered on that for a moment. “I uh- just kinda ran. Then found this place. It followed me for a while but- I think it got bored of me too.”  
“Do you know what it even is?” Erik asked.  
Meredy thought back to all the books she’d read about monsters and honestly? There were a million things that fit the current description.   
But it clearly had a hit on Natsu, which made her mind wander to two possibilities and she didn’t like either of them.  
“Meredy?” Erik impatiently broke her from her thoughts as she realised she still hadn’t answered him.   
“Specifically? No.” Erik rolled his eyes at that as if he kinda figured that already. “But two things come to mind. A vengeful spirit or a demon.”  
“A spirit makes sense. But demon? I wasn’t expecting specifics but that’s a little too general.” He grumbled.  
“If it _is_ a demon. I think _specifically-_ ” she mocked his tone, “-it is a demon from a book of Zeref.”  
“God I fucking hope not.” Said Erik.   
They stood in silence for a moment minds not really venturing anywhere as exhaustion set in. They’d probably been wandering for hours at this point.   
“I found a book-” Meredy broke the silence “-that talks about a monster that sucks people into an illusion of their worst worries and nightmares. It must have driven people to insanity.” Meredy walked over to the artefact sat on the crooked wooden table. “There’s also that weird thing.” She pointed to the mysterious as if afraid to actually touch it. “But I don’t know what it is.”  
Erik examined it having only now just noticed it. He pondered for a while what it could be. However, his mind came to a blank.

Silence had encased the two again, but it wasn’t long before Erik heard the crunching of leaves and staggered breathing quickly approach them. He went to get into a fighting stance as he stepped outside the old house only to be met with blue hair and tired eyes.  
“You look like shit.” Was all he said to the other man.  
“Heh thanks.” He said half-heartedly before Meredy crushed him in a hug.   
“Oh my god Jellal what happened to you!?” Meredy on the other hand acknowledged actually showed concern.   
“’m tired. Sorry.” He mumbled ignoring the cut and bruising that was beginning to form on his torso, arms and face. “I thought I heard screaming, after the spirit, left me because it said I was boring.” he spoke in a confused tone almost sounding offended. He didn’t fully understand. Was this thing really just screwing with them because it was bored?  
“Spirit?” Meredy asked.   
“You two saw it- or something too right?” He looked at them as they both nodded. “It was a person. They died, they didn’t really specify how, just that they’re dead and bored.”  
“Are you fucking serious? That’s it?” Erik wanted to beat the living shit out of this so-called spirit now. Jellal just shrugged as Erik stormed back into the house muttering about how he ‘didn’t sign up for this shit’ and ‘don’t wanna deal with a dead-fuckers problems’. Meredy simply sighed as they both followed him in.  
“So what is that?” Jellal glanced over to the cube, “and why is there a house in a place like this?”  
“I don’t think anyone has lived here for a long time.” Meredy looked over to the artefact, “I don’t even know what it is. It was just there when I got here.”

After some while, the three of them began to wonder if maybe that was the spirit itself or what it was tied too. Maybe they could help the other two if they just destroy it.  
“I guess we were supposed to destroy something at some point.” Meredy was far past the point of being surprised.   
No matter how complicated the situation, they always solved it by destroying something. Fairy Tail’s bad habits had caught up with them. Even more so since their most destructive member had joined them.   
“So that thing tell you to kill Natsu?” Erik asked, not pushing on who Jellal might have seen. But if it was someone dead Erik could take a lucky guess on who.   
“It tried. I’m guessing it said something similar to you.” He frowned.  
“Yeah. But it was a load of crap.” He wanted to shrug it off, but kept relaying the words in his head. _Death is his salvation Erik.  
_“Just as I thought. I guess it happened to you both as well.” He looked at Meredy who remained silent. “I think I hit a nerve.”  
“Ah your speciality them.” Erik mused receiving a slight giggle from Meredy behind him.   
“It took up what I assume is its ‘normal’ form. Which it just a black mist. For the record, I don’t think it specifically went out of its way to target Natsu.” He said as confused glances looked back at him.   
“What do you mean?” Asked Meredy.  
“I think Natsu is just an easy target. Because he died.” He said bluntly causing the two to slightly cringe at the glaring fact they’d been trying to ignore.   
“We need to find Natsu right fucking now.” Erik said with anger in his voice. He didn’t like where this was going and stormed out the house.  
“Erik wai-” Meredy went to stop him but Jellal pulled her back. “Jellal wha-”  
“He’ll be fine.” He said calmly. “Let’s figure out what this is.” He walked over to the cube.  
Meredy didn’t like the thought of Erik going off on his own in that Maze. But she trusted Jellal and she trusted Erik.   
Fuck this spirit.

_The village was set aflame in minutes and everything was chaos. Erik was confused as Natsu had just been with them! But the dragon slayer kept pushing away, thinking that maybe it would be easier to just stay with Zeref. Nothing they told him seemed to convince him. Erik wanted to nothing more that hold onto him tightly and keep telling him that he wasn’t Zeref’s. That he is a good person and he’s saved so many people!  
“Erik! Me and you will find Natsu!” Jellal’s voice cut through his thoughts. He’d said something else but Erik already took off. He didn’t need to be told twice. He would find him. He had to! He could hear his voice. Natsu was scared and hurt. _

Erik trudged through the forest like a man on a mission. He was pissed that something saw Natsu as an easy target. Weak. He was far from it. Natsu had been through hell and back multiple times and he could still smile and make everyone happy. Something Erik felt like Fairy Tail had taken somewhat advantage of when he thought about how Erza didn’t sound concerned that Natsu had taken off after the death of his father figure.   
He knew the guild cared about each other and obviously, there was only so much they could know if the fire mage was hiding away his true emotions. But even still, it seemed like overlooked obvious things too. It left a sour taste in his mouth.   
But it’s not like he was a better alternative. Even if he was trying to better himself, he’d never been in a guild like Fairy Tail and that’s where Natsu belonged. It’s where he deserved to be. Erik was nothing but poison.

_He ran frantically towards the source of the flames. Natsu’s voice wasn’t just in his head anymore but ringing through his ears.  
“Stop stop stop. Please! Please.” The mage sobbed in severe distress.   
Erik wanted to reach him, but the fire was too hot. But then he caught a glimpse of black markings, horns, pink hair and tears.  
Natsu was in pain.   
Erik ran through the fire, feeling his clothes burning from the heat.  
“Natsu!” His voice rasped out, heat drying his throat immediately. Wide green eyes met his in fear.  
“E-ri-c.” Natsu’s voice broke. “G-go away.” Erik had gotten closer and the fire mage tried to push him away but he lacked any strength. “Pl-eas-e.” He spoke in-between sobs.  
“No. I’m not leaving you.” He said, ignoring the pinpricks of pain from the fire. He wrapped his arms around the shorter man. “I’m never leaving you okay?” He noticed the flames started to die down.  
“Okay.”  
They both passed out shortly after. _

“I’m really worried about Natsu.” Meredy sneezed. “Ugh, it’s getting pretty cold. How are you not shivering half your outfit is torn?!” The pink-haired girl glared at Jellal, who was only now noted the state of his clothing. He’d have to get new things when they got to a village or town.   
“It’s not that cold, you’re overreacting.” He smirked at her. Although Jellal felt uneasy as he could hear the tree’s shuffling outside, it was like they were alive. To make matters worse, despite how much the trees blocked out the sky, the darkness still found a way to creep upon them.  
“I think the sun is setting. It’s getting harder to see. I hope Erik finds him.” Meredy shook. Natsu’s long absence was becoming disturbing.  
“He will.”

Erik could faintly hear sobbing, but it echoed around him and was slightly disorientating. The sun was starting to set and he was having to rely more on his hearing than sight.   
“Natsu!” He started to shout in desperation.   
Suddenly, there was a scream. Not far from his current position, it sounded like Natsu causing him to bolt off in that direction. Eventually, he stopped as everything returned to silence.   
“What the fuck!” Erik felt a hand touch him. No, he did _not_ scream.   
“I didn’t think you could scream like that. That was too easy.” The recognisable voice laughed at its accomplishment.   
Erik turned around and was met with mossy green eyes.  
“Fuck Natsu this isn’t time to be screwing around! We were worri-” He cut himself off and moved on, “Where the fuck have you been?”   
Natsu composed himself having noted his friend’s distress.  
“Chill out will you. This place is a maze. I was following your scent earlier, only to just end up more lost and with nothing to follow.”  
Erik still wasn’t impressed with Natsu’s sudden appearance, but at the same time was happy to see he was okay.  
“What happened before?” Erik asked calmly, as he motioned them to start walking, he had the other two’s scent so it should be relatively easy to find them again.   
“Huh.” Natsu focused on what was in front of him not sparing Erik a glance.  
“I heard you shout.”  
“Eh? What are you talking about? I don’t know what you heard, but that wasn’t me.” Natsu panicked and seeming eager to change the subject he asked: “Have you found the others?”  
Erik looked at him in concern unsure how to take Natsu’s abrupt response. But went along with it.   
“I have. They’re at this abandoned house. I remember the way back, so we should hurry before it gets too dark.”

* * *

“Natsu!” Meredy jumped with joy as the two entered the house.  
“Hey sorry I didn’t mean to worry you.” He replied sheepishly.   
“We’re glad you’re okay.” Jellal had lit a fire just outside, while Meredy had found some candles to light up the inside.   
“I’m sorry this place is a maze and the wind was making it hard to catch onto anyone’s scent.” He looked at the table, noticing the odd cube that now had a blue glow to it. He raised his brow in question.  
“You guys figure that thing out yet?” Eric walked over to Meredy who was holding the cube-like object, examining it.  
“No. Other than destroying it is proving to be difficult.” She sighed.   
“Wait what is that and why does it need destroying?” Natsu interrupted feeling out of the loop.  
“Well we found a hint that might suggest that it’s linked to the monster. Destroying that will most likely kill it. And maybe we can get out of here.” Meredy didn’t sound so sure of herself, aside from trying to destroy it, everything just fell into place.   
It seemed too easy.  
“But do we really know anything about the monster? I mean. Aside from suddenly ending up alone, I didn’t find anything strange. So does it even exist?” Everyone turned to Natsu in surprise. “What?”  
“You didn’t see anything?” Erik questioned eyes scrunched in concern. That thing wanted to target him so it seemed odd that it-  
“No. Why? Should have I?” Natsu shrugged.  
“Well, I mean- Are you sure you didn’t see anything? I mean I could have sworn I heard you scream.” Erik contemplated the thought. _Somethings not right here.  
_“I told you that wasn’t me. And is it really that odd that I found nothing?” He was beginning to sound defensive, setting Erik’s suspicion’s higher. Jellal seemed to tense up as well.  
Erik laughed.  
“Yeah you’re right that wasn’t you.” He edged towards the fire mage.  
“Eh?” Natsu’s eyes grew wide.  
“Because I heard Natsu.” Erik eyed him suspiciously as Natsu shifted uncomfortably under his gaze as if he were ready to bold.   
“The hell are you talking about? Did you hit your head or something?” Natsu tried to back away, only to back into the rotting black wall.  
Before Erik went to move, Jellal was suddenly there pinning Natsu into the wall, he looked pissed and that sent a shiver up Erik’s spine.  
“Where the hell is Natsu?” Jellal growled. He’d shoved with such force Erik was surprised that they didn’t fall through the poor excuse for a wall. He remained calm despite the storm brewing in his eyes, “You’re not Natsu. Where. Is. He?”  
“What the hell you guys! I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am Natsu!” He tried to break free of Jellal’s grip.  
Erik smirked.  
“If you were Natsu you would have gotten out of this by now. Besides you’re acting weird.” He simply stood by and let Jellal do his thing, noting his grip on Natsu’s arm tightened.   
“Where is Natsu?!” Jellal asked again louder.  
“I’m acting weird? You’re the ones being weird!” He managed to shove him but didn’t succeed in getting out of the older mans grip.  
“You started acting weird when we mentioned destroying that cube!” Meredy piped up now standing behind Erik. “The Natsu I know wouldn’t even question destroying stuff, he’d just do it.”   
There was a silent pause.  
Then _it_ laughed.  
“Awww. I was doing so well.” It wasn’t Natsu. “You think that’ll kill me?” He spoke in a mocking tone. “Man you guys are naïve.” It giggled.   
“Where the fuck is Natsu!” Erik started to grow impatient.   
“Ha!” Erik hated it was still using Natsu’s face and voice, it was all wrong and twisted however. “Like I know. I’m all around this place. But I don’t know _where_.” It paused, “Hm. Well. I do know one thing.”  
Jellal shoved the fake Natsu into the wall again.  
“Quit fucking around! Where is Natsu?!” It was unusual to see Jellal lose his cool, but this thing really was irritating, even Meredy was emitting a pissed off aura.   
“I know hmmm-” It dragged out its response, intentionally trying to piss them off. “I know that Natsu is quivering in a small, dark corner right now.” It received a punch to the face from Erik, causing its nose to bleed for a few seconds. It merely laughed, “And there’s nothing you can do.” It continued like nothing happened.  
“Quit saying stuff like that in his voice.” Erik snarled. Natsu was still out there. Alone. He needed to find him.

Swiftly after, the cube was gone right out of the girls hands. And so was the fake Natsu leaving them into a tense silence. The group had no idea how to react, before realizing they had been there for a while. The sun had begun to rise.   
Natsu’s scream that broke their silence.   
“Natsu!” Erik ran out of the house without hesitation.  
Jellal ran after him.  
“Wait! We should be careful!” He shouted.  
“Fuck careful Jellal. I am finding him now!” Erik protested but was stopped with Jellal grabbing onto his cloak.  
Jellal placed her hand on his shoulder to calm him.  
“I know, since there’s nothing left here, we should keep together and look for him. I don’t want to risk us getting split up again.”  
“He’s right and you know it Erik.” Meredy came up behind them. “Natsu needs us, but we can’t panic. We won’t find him otherwise. We need to hurry though.” Meredy began walking, the rest followed without question but it wasn’t long before she stopped again.  
“Hey that’s-” Meredy ran ahead of the group and stopped at a tree. It appeared to have some blood on it.

* * *

After walking around for what was defiantly a couple of hours, Erik noticed small drops of blood on the floor. He wondered if it was Natsu’s or if there was actually an animal around here after all. _No it must be Natsu’s. It’s our only lead right now.  
_ The others turned to him and looked to the ground where there was a thick sea of thorn bushed where the blood led in to.   
Erik instantly began to follow its trail. There was no way around them as they were surrounded by thorned tree branches. Meredy stumbled upon a hole big enough for her to fit through.  
“Will you be okay?” Erik asked reluctantly to let her go, be he and Jellal would fit through that.  
“Yeah it’s fine. I’ll give a shout if there’s anything wrong.” She began scrambling through the hole. “Ow.” She cut her leg on one of the bush twigs.  
At the other side of the bushes, Meredy was met with a dark clearing, surrounded by dead-looking trees propped up like walls. It was so dark she could barely see her own feet.  
Meredy screamed in horror as she saw Natsu sat up against a tree. He was bleeding heavily from his left side.   
“Natsu!” His eyes were wide open and yet she was getting no response. “Natsu can you hear me.” She waved her hand in front of him. But still nothing, he was barely breathing.

Within moments the bushes were vaporised by the wrath of Jellal’s magic, Erik was swiftly behind him.  
“He isn’t responding.” Meredy tried to shake him but still got no response.  
Jellal knelt next to him and placed a hand on his forehead.   
“He’s freezing.” Taking a closer look, he noticed Natsu’s lips were blue and he was shaking.   
Suddenly there was an echo of laugher. Erik turned around.  
“You bastard! What have you done to him?!”   
There stood the fake Natsu, with the cube glowing bright in its black claw-like hand.   
“Aw. Don’t be so rash Eri-i-i-k~.” It chirped. “I was only honest with him.” It chuckled, “That’s he’s, just. Like. Me.”  
“Stay with him.” Jellal looked to Meredy who took the shaking form in her arms.   
“Okay I’m done with your crap!” Erik’s hand begun to cover in snake-like skin as his poison magic emitted from him. “He’s nothing like you!” Erik lunged forward in rage, but like Natsu the creature had flawless agility and kept dodging him.   
“If you’re a dragon slayer, then shouldn’t you be slaying dragons? I’m flattered but I don’t think I’m your type.” It cooed unfazed by the poison mage’s attacks.  
“Fuck. Off.” Erik hissed as he threw a blast of magic at it, only to be dodged again.  
“Grand Chariot!” Jellal shouted from behind them as bursts of light flew past Erik.  
The thing lunged towards him with such speed Erik couldn’t react. It stopped with black eyes boring into Erik’s own and its claw inches away from piercing his heart.   
“Huh?” It turned its head to look and see the cube was on the floor in pieces.   
Then it crumbled to dust.  
“Couldn’t you have started with that?” Erik grumbled glaring at the blue-haired mage.  
“It had hold of the cube. So no not really. It got so focused on you it didn’t even notice it had dropped it.” He replied.   
“Please tell me that it’s over.” Meredy sighed, Natsu still unconscious in her arms but looking a little less pale than before.   
“I think so. Look, the trees seem a little healthier.” Jellal glanced around. They could actually see a full blue sky looming above them, with the sun beaming on the horizon.  
Natsu began coughing and groaned like he was in pain. It sounded like he was getting a cold and had lost an unnerving amount of blood.   
It seems the monster had covered the path like it had the sky, upon its death the overgrown grass shrank and a path appeared not far from where they were. The group managed to make their way back to a nearby village they’d seen on the way here. It surprisingly easy for the group to retrace their original steps. They received much welcome and celebration from the townspeople who had been living in fear of the wood for years.  
It left a strange feeling in Erik’s chest. He’d never been praised for anything before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo I did make a post yesterday to update y'all but I wasn't expecting to have a chapter ready already. 
> 
> Basically to sum up;  
> My ADHD kinda gets in my way a lot and before I knew it I'd made a million different projects for myself. Some writing some art.   
> My hero academia has dominated my life although I don't know why now since I've been reading it since like 2018 but whatevs. I recently I started a fic for that so now I'm balancing 2 fics, and an original novel. Then 3 different art projects.   
> I decided to watch Haikyuu for the millionth time and to top it off I got into Jujutsu Kaisen so heh...there's that.   
> So this just got...left behind. 
> 
> I made an update a few months back because I had the motivation to write, but when I went to revisit my half-written chapter I was hit with a new wall which was...I didn't remember shit about this fic which meant I was gonna have to go back and reread the whole damn thing and it ain't exactly short. So I procrastinated despite feeling guilty as whenever I updated my MHA fic and this one glared at me from below.   
> But for some reason yesterday I was like fuck it...made a new document...and made notes of each chapter as I went a long and now we here!
> 
> So I'm so sorry for the long wait. I'm gonna try and maybe make a routine so I work on a ft chapter on day and a bnha fic the next because I don't want either to get left behind. I also wanna kinda wrap this fic up soon. But I still got a lot I wanna do. Additionally, reading back I really enjoyed the 'girls night' chapter with Lucy, Cana and Natsu and kinda want to do another chapter like that but we'll see ;p   
> Also I feel like my writing style has changed a little since writing the mha fic so if this seems to like change mid-way sorry 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter 
> 
> ~ Max


	19. Drowning 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh but they’re sooo concerned about you~  
> (I don’t remember much but I vaguely remember that you were also concerned)  
> You’re my way back into life I was only concerned that my exit was gonna close.  
> (Just fuck off E.N.D)  
> It’s Natsu.  
> (I’m not calling you that.)  
> But that’s my naame~ Why do you get it?  
> (Because I’m the one in control and I’m Natsu)  
> Are you? Plus I’m Natsu too you know.  
>  “Shut up”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay they're a little ooc here sorry bout that. Also there's the start of a sex scene, but I haven't actually written a sex scene. I'm not that kinda writer lol
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter by the way. It was going to be longer but idk felt right to stop it where it was.

“You can stay as long as you must.” The hotel owner beamed at the three of them. “We are truly in debt to you all. It’s been too long since I’ve seen life in the people’s hearts.”  
“We uh don’t want to be too much trouble. Our friend is badly injured though.” Meredy looked at him guiltily.  
“Oh don’t worry. Ever since the monster showed up in the woods, we haven’t had many outsiders to stay. Just travellers passing through. Most of the townsfolk left too when things went dull. We’ll try to help your friend too. It’s the least we can do.” The man frowned, yet he tried to remain optimistic. “Hopefully word will get out and business will start up again.”  
“Well thank you. We appreciated it.” Meredy smiled.  
The old man’s daughter placed cups of tea onto the table, “He needs to rest for now, don’t worry my father won’t charge you. You saved us and sadly this will be your payment. We apologise we don’t have much to give you. As my father mentioned, this place has become barren.”  
“It’s really no trouble. We were just passing through anyhow. And we’re grateful for what you have already done. As soon as Natsu is well enough we will leave.” Jellal sipped his tea. Erik could tell he wasn’t used to such kindness either. It was quite amusing to watch him grow flustered and act awkwardly.

Erik decided to go back to the room to check on the sickly fire mage. It’d only been a few hours since they left the woods and Natsu had been patched up by the local doctor. Erik was impatient though and he really just wanted the mage better and himself again.  
When he approached the room he could hear Natsu had started to have a coughing fit in his sleep. His throat had become swollen and in the brief moments he’d been awake previously, he’d been heavily dazed and confused.   
Erik walked over to his bed with a glass of water and gently shook him awake.  
Natsu drowsily opened his eyes, blinking slowly, still mostly unaware of his surroundings and groaned in response.  
“Just sit up and drink this.” Erik spoke softly as he helped him up. He was covered in sweat from his fever. He didn’t care too much though, as most of Natsu’s weight was on his side too tired to keep himself up.   
“T-thanks.” He coughed weakly, “W-what actually hap-pend?”   
Erik was surprise at the question as this was probably the most awake Natsu had been all week. When he looked at him Natsu’s tired eyes were looking at him expectantly. But it was clear he was really awake this time.   
“You don’t remember? Because to be honest we don’t know what happened to you exactly. We all got split up by some monster- which we killed once we found you.” Erik didn’t want to go into much detail, he was testing the waters on how careful he needed to tread with Natsu’s mental state.  
“I remember being with you guys walking in the woods.” He talked slowly, trying not to cough too much.  
Erik could see that Natsu was in a lot of pain as he gripped his side from where he’d been pierced from what Erik could only assume was the monster.  
“Don’t worry about it now. It’s done. You looked wrecked so just try to get some more sleep. I only woke you so you could have some water.”  
“Thanks Erik.” Natsu hummed before swiftly falling asleep again.  
Erik shifted him properly into the bed and placed a cold cloth onto Natsu’s head. This was becoming a habit Erik didn’t like and he hoped this was the last time. Natsu couldn’t take another hit like this.

* * *

A few days passed and Natsu’s fever had eventually subsided. When he came around he had reiterated what he’d said a few days before which was that he didn’t remember anything, not even the last few days.   
He had been a little grumpy though, but it was less arseholeish and more like a bratty child. Erik found it a little endearing if he was honest, but he kept an eye on it to make sure it didn’t spiral to something more sinister.  
  
“Quit being a brat Natsu and drink this.” Erik gestured to the lemon and honey tea. The only thing really wrong with him at this point was his throat, which he could only describe it as being burned. Thankfully, despite the grouchiness, he did look more awake now and his wound had healed up just fine.   
Natsu hadn’t told them, feigning indifference, but he knew that E.N.D had done something to span him out of whatever control the spirit had over him.   
“Oi pyro.” Erik pushed the drink in front of him. “Drink.”  
“’m fuckin’ fine.” Natsu grumbled but he took the drink anyway with seemed to satisfy the other dragon slayer. It had helped, he was just frustrated and felt like he was being babied again. He didn’t want to be mad at them, because he knew they were worried and had every reason to be. They tried to be normal, but every now and then, especially after a zoning-out episode, they’d go back to treating him like glass and it was _exhausting_.   
**Oh but they’re sooo concerned about you~  
** (I don’t remember much but I vaguely remember that _you_ were also concerned)  
 **You’re my way back into life I was only concerned that my exit was gonna close.  
** (Just fuck off E.N.D)  
 **It’s Natsu.**  
(I’m not calling you that.)  
 **But that’s my naame~ Why do you get it?  
** (Because I’m the one in control and I’m Natsu)  
 **Are you? Plus I’m Natsu too you know.  
** “Shut up” He growled earning a concerned glance from Erik. Natsu sighed.   
“Are you o-”  
“I’m fine.” Natsu stood up and walked out onto the balcony for some air. Thankfully Erik didn’t follow.  
He was starting to get a little bored, but Jellal and Meredy had decided to go back to the woods to see if they could find anything about the dragon. The whole reason they’d gone in the first place. Not to deal with some fucking bored spirit.   
**You should be nicer to your boyfriend. Who knows what your friends will do when you tell them about me.  
** Natsu flinched. He honestly hadn’t even thought about Fairy Tail. He still wasn’t even sure he’d go back, if he even wanted to go back.  
(He’s not my boyfriend. Now piss off you’re annoying.)  
 **I’m _you_. Guess people think you’re annoying too huh?  
**Natsu leant his arms on the balcony railings and dug his face into his arms with a groan. They said they would find a way to keep him alive. But he was prepared. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t want his friends. His family. To suffer any more than they already have. He was ready to pay to ultimate price for that. He was still a demon no matter what at this point. Even if Zeref died and he didn’t. E.N.D _was_ Natsu. That wasn’t just going to go after the fact.   
“Natsu.” Erik sighed out as he joined him on the balcony.   
“Sorry.” He said guiltily, voice quieter than he liked, but it still hurt a little to talk.  
“You’re tired and probably bored. It’s fine.” Erik said.  
“Heh. Can you stop doing that?” Natsu watched as people below were bustling about their day, all so busy in their own little world. Unaware Zeref’s brother was watching them.   
“Doing what?” He asked.  
“Reading my mind.”   
Erik let out a small laugh and nudged him.  
“I can’t do that Natsu. I guess I just know you well enough.” There was a softness to his voice Natsu didn’t think he’d heard before. It gave him a warm feeling in his chest. But when he looked at him, Erik had slight bags under his eyes and his tanned skin looked paler than usual. Natsu scrunched his brow in concern. He’d done that.  
“You keep asking me. But are _you_ okay?” Natsu playfully poked his face, getting a little smirk from the other as he swatted his hand away. He wanted to see the poison mage smile again. Genuinely smile. Natsu had decided that he didn’t smile enough but he liked it when he did.   
“I’m fine moron. Just a little tired.” He said.  
“Then get some sleep.” Natsu said bluntly, like it was the most obvious thing to do.  
“I just got up. Besides if I slept now I won’t sleep later. The other two won’t be back until tomorrow and I’d like to take advantage of a normal sleep schedule.” He stretched and Natsu could hear a few pops of joints. “Now.” He walked back inside for a moment before coming back and shoving a mug into Natsu’s hands.  
“Drink your fucking tea.”   
Natsu grumbled but drank it nonetheless.

Night soon emerged and the two had spent most the day walking around the town. They were both a little tired as they headed back to the hotel, but they really needed some change in scenery. It was oddly pleasant and domestic. Which felt a little foreign to Erik, but he was happy to see Natsu smiling and getting excited over little stupid things like fish or a certain piece of clothing. It was refreshing.   
“You should really get some sleep.” Natsu tugged Erik to sit on the bed.   
They each had their own room although Erik had spent most of his time in Natsu’s as he was sick. But Natsu didn’t need coddling and Erik had noted the mage getting a little antsy about being looked after. Maybe he’d gotten a little too soft and had accidentally started doing something he’d personally despise. Might explain the dragon slayers grouchiness he thought.

Erik was going to leave to his room, but the pink-haired boy had already pulled him onto his bed with the unspoken words of ‘stay’ in his puppy-like eyes.   
Erik couldn’t really say no to that and smiled at him, but there was something that flickered in the other’s eyes. E.N.D was talking to him again, he thought.  
“I’m fine.” He sighed as if he knew Erik was about to ask.  
Unlike earlier though Erik wasn’t as willing to let it go.  
“So are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to beat it out of you Pyro.”   
“It’s nothing. Well-” He paused and looked down at his hands. “I need you to promise me something-”  
“Natsu.” Erik had a feeling he knew what this was. “We’re not doing this now. We’re not having this conversation. Nothing is going to happ-”  
“Erik! Just listen.” He looked at him with glazed eyes, “Please.” He whispered. “I’m not giving up. I’ve never given up and I’ve made you guys come this far with me. I’ll keep going until the end. You should know that. But I don’t know when the end is and I need to draw the line somewhere. So _please_ Erik just this once.” He took a deep breath, “Promise me that if you have the chance to kill Zeref. Kill him. Because while I keep thinking the others might hate me, I also think that it’s not something they’ll be able to do.”  
“And you think I can?” Erik gritted out, they’d had this conversation before, about losing control or Zeref.  
“I-”  
“Natsu we are going to find a way I am not killing you. If you lose control I will be there for you. If it’s Zeref…we will find a way to save you.” He tried to emphasise the last point, but Natsu only looked more irritated.  
“Dammit Erik you promise me right now!” He stood up. “You promise me that if you have the chance to kill him you do it. You don’t hesitate. If I get the opportunity you don’t stop me. You let it happen. Because I don’t want anyone to suffer any more than they already have. My life isn’t worth that much.” He began to shake and tried to hold back the tears.  
“Natsu I’m not letting you-”  
“Idiot. I don’t want to die! Don’t think that I want to die! I want to go back to the guild. I want _you_ to come back to the guild. You said you can’t see a future, then I wanna show you!” He choked on a sob but continued as Erik watched him bewildered. “But I don’t want to go back knowing Zeref is still alive. Or knowing that too many suffered at the cost of me staying alive.” The tears began to heavily fall down his face. “Don’t make me go through that Erik.” He stood trembling so Erik stood up and pulled him into a tight hug.  
“Natsu. I-” Erik didn’t know what to say. He could see how terrified he was. And while he didn’t want to think about it he and the others had long since discussed that they would have to prepare for the worst-case scenario.   
“Erik promise me that if we don’t find a way in time.” Mumbled into Erik’s shirt that was now wet with tears, “You let me die.” He sobbed uncontrollably, “Promise me.”  
He didn’t want to accept such a fate. But he knew it was unfair on Natsu if they miss a chance to kill Zeref and more people end up dead as a result. He was right, he hated it. But Natsu wasn’t being selfish. He was.  
“I promise.” Erik has said those words many times before. But this time those words felt heavy on him.

They hugged for what felt like an eternity. An eternity neither wanted to leave, but eventually, Erik became focused on something Natsu had said.  
“You want me to come back to the guild?” He asked eventually letting go and sitting back onto the bed. Natsu joined him and they said shoulders touching.  
“Y-yeah.” Natsu didn’t look at him, but Erik could see the blush forming on the boys face.  
“I don’t think I really belong there.” He rubbed his neck sheepishly, ignoring Natsu who was looking at him with determination.   
“Then I need to show you that you do!” Natsu replied, his bright demeanour returning.

Now if someone could ask Erik _why_ he did what he did, he’d honestly have no fucking clue. His brain just short-circuited from being in the presence of a sunshine idiot for too long.   
In that quick moment, he’d grabbed Natsu’s arm, leant in and kissed him. Thankfully, kissing wasn’t foreign to him and his body was moving faster than his brain, which for once was a good thing, as it didn’t allow him to think about how bad this could be.  
Except it wasn’t, because Natsu seemed to reciprocate and when Erik’s mind did start to catch up with him and he was going to pull away in a panic. Natsu pulled him back with a whine that made Erik’s heart stutter.   
Eventually, they did pull apart breathless and slightly awkward. Natsu giggled in a way Erik had never heard before in the months they’d travelled together. He wanted to hear it again.   
“And here I thought you were innocent Pyro.” Erik kissed his neck right where he had a slight scar, causing Natsu to shiver at the touch.   
“I have eyes Erik.” He breathed out running a hand through reddish hair. It felt soft, Natsu realised. Eventually, he pulled on the hair, dragging Erik on top of him. Natsu had no idea how they escalated this far in such a short time. But maybe, he realised, they’d been dancing around with slight touches, cuddling and off-handed comments that maybe this was expected.   
Natsu found he was okay with that.

* * *

The next morning Natsu found himself awaking in Erik’s arms. Which has happened plenty of times before and shouldn’t be weird. But they were both naked, which made Natsu panic and fall out of the bed, dragging the sleeping dragon slayer down with him.   
“Ow~” Erik groaned still half-asleep.   
“Sorry.” Natsu chuckled. “I forgot.” He sat up rubbing his head. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Erik naked before, they’d been to public bathhouses a few times. But as memories of the night before flooded his mind, embarrassment hit him like a train especially when he stood up seemingly unfazed by the situation and started getting dressed, not before he threw some clothes at Natsu.

Erik had wrapped his arms around him from behind and kissed his neck softly while Natsu stood at the kettle waiting for it to boil.   
“Didn’t think you could get embarrassed Natsu.” He joked. “How are you feeling?” He asked in a slightly more serious tone. Apparently even after sex Natsu wasn’t escaping that one.  
“I’m…okay. Yeah. I’m good.” He answered and it felt honest. But then there was something new that needed to be addressed. “Um…last night, uh.” He held Erik’s hand that was placed on his chest. “I uh. I don’t- I mean um.” Words seem to fail him as he struggled to voice what he felt. He liked Erik. He’d become safety to him.   
But he might not make it much further in life.   
“We don’t have to label it.” Erik said not sounding upset. “I know what you’re worried about Natsu. Don’t worry about me okay. Worry about yourself for once. Beside. I don’t regret anything.” Erik motioned him to turn around and face him. Their faces inches away from one another. “You don’t have to be alone Natsu.” He said.   
Natsu smiled and moved in for a kiss.   
“Thank you Erik.”   
Even if things didn’t turn out okay, he wanted to be a bit selfish and spend what time he had with warmth and happiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably have one or 2 more chapters for this 'Drowning' section before moving on to the next part which doesn't after a name yet but will be back with Fairy Tail after the war (but with flashbacks) and that will be the last section. I don't know how many chapters that'll be yet though. But I hope people are still enjoying this. I only recently discovered that when some people bookmark they've left a comment with it and y'all are sweet I hope after such a long break I haven't lost your interests.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> Feel free to comment I promise I won't bite :)
> 
> xx


End file.
